I bit my lip to trap another giggle.
“And I don’t need any of your stupid drugs!”
“We’ve already established that you’re rude as it is, Rudolph, so try to stick to one negative emotion at a time. Don’t be so grumpy.” Before he could huff and puff again, I sweetened mytone. “But enlighten me. Something happened, Rudy? Cheer up, the sun is shining!”
“It’s cloudy.”
“When your pre-frontal cortex fails to make you happy, promiscuity rewards you with dopamine. But that’s not a solution. See? Now you’re stressed either way.”
“Stop distracting me! Something happened, you asked? Nothing happened, other than me being bombarded with thousands of messages from doms asking for the diameter of my ring and whether I’m ready to be collared!” he barked, louder than ever.
I heard laughter in the background, and Rudolph let out a string of curse words before a door slammed shut. I tried to hide my own laughter, gluing the heel of my hand to my face while my eyes almost popped out of their sockets. How I wanted to record this conversation and forward it to Tiziano! The success of our plan was proportional to Rudolph’s irritation.
The boy was livid.
“You think this is funny? I’ve had over ten messages from people asking if I like leather harnesses or if I’m more of a wax-play guy!”
“Aw, youdogive off leash energy.”
“And that’s not even the worst part! I got dick pics. And fucking nipples with hair! Nipple chains. Breasts, sure, but I think belonged to a middle-aged sumo wrestler. Oh, and masks and chains, too! As they were beingused!”
I waswheezing. Holding my stomach like I’d done crunches. “Are you crying? Please tell me you’re crying.”
“No, I’m not crying!” he snapped. “Damn it! At least sign me up for the female version next time, so I can have some actual fun.”
Of course the pervert had to make such a comment. I rolled my eyes.
“And Yvaine…”
The sensation of my name being uttered in that intimate way was enough to send flocks of butterflies into my stomach.
I killed them all promptly, using a pesticide called maturity.
“I can forward some of those dicks to you, if you’d like.”
“I’ll just delete your messages before opening them,” I retorted. “Besides, why do you think it was me?” I added brazenly, trying to sound confident. “I’m sure one of yourbabiesresented you for abandoning her, or for cheating on her with her cousin…or sister.”
He went completely silent for a beat.
Then, with the promise of revenge dripping from his words, “You really think you’re clever, huh? You see, you’re the only one who calls meRudolph.”
Oh, crap. Did I tell Tiziano that nickname? I don’t think so.
“That’s what I thought.” He sounded like a gremlin that had just gotten his way. “So, why did you do it? Lack of attention from the male population?” he asked with mock interest. “Or maybe…female?”
“I wish I was into girls, considering the kind of brutes out there.”And you’re their king.
“Don’t get so defensive about it,” Rudolph drawled. “So? I’m waiting. Why did you sign me up for that website?” Before I could formulate an adequate answer, the brute continued. “If you wanted me to fuck you, you just had to ask. My schedule is busy, sure, but not inaccessible! I’m generous. Of course, after this cheap trick, I’m not so sure I’ll be accepting your application. You’ll need to beg a little. Send a video of your skills.”
I gasped at his incivility. “You would be the very last werewolf in the…the…”
“In the…?” he mocked.
“In the ever-expanding universe I’d be with!” I exploded.
Again, the image of my howling tea kettle flashed through my head. Did I just compare myself to a kettle once more?
“I could do with some milky tea,”added my wolf, who had been licking her butt for half the day.
