Since sleep had already abandoned me, I decided to teach him a lesson. It was almost definitely ahe, considering the remark about a certain body part.
Tapping my chin with a finger, I mulled over a good comeback.
Mr. Rude.
No.I deleted it and typed again.
Hi there.
I’ll gladly forward this message to your mother to show her what kind of a Neanderthal she raised. Do us all a favor and gargle some vinegar—or bleach, your pick—as the filth you’ve spewed must have contaminated your teeth.
I hit send after rereading it twice, then found myself typing a second text.
And please, delete my number.
Don’t ever text me again.
But I also added, ‘goodnight’, because I wouldn’t wish a bad night’s sleep on anyone.
Fourteen minutes later, while I was glaring at the glow-in-the-dark constellations glued sporadically across my ceiling,ping!
With a surge of energy, I opened his text, growling. A real growl.
If this is some sad tactic to get my attention, it’s not working. And I just gave you a little constructive feedback on your sucking skills. No need to get all sensitive, baby. Come back when you’ve leveled up
There was a second message.
Oh, and my mother says hi ;)
I gasped, fingers splayed across my mouth like a shield against his rudeness.
What a…a?—
I fumbled to find the appropriate epithet.
Why should I want to get the attention of someone who probably flosses with barbed wire? YOU are sad. I’ll repeat: DO. NOT. TEXT. ME. AGAIN.
Goodbye.
Not even sixty seconds later, after telling him to leave me alone, he texted again.
Oh but you loved my dirty mouth on you ;) Where I come from, we say never spit on the plate you licked clean ;) And baby, you didn’t just eat—you devoured the whole table
My mouth dropped open, wide enough that I could catch a full moth, then snapped shut so hard my teeth realigned.
The smart, adult thing to do would’ve been to ignore him. But thebabyreally irked me.
NOT your baby, NEVER will be. Even if you had the last matcha latte on Earth. And believe me, I have no intention of ‘eating’ from your dish. Germ sharing isn’t something I’d do, even with my own mate.
Did I misinterpret his disgusting metaphor? Probably. Did I care? Not even a little.
His reply was already there before my thumb could lift..
I like this version of you. Feisty. Maybe we can find a moment this week ;)
Meeting you would count as charity work, and I’m saving that for actual causes, not ego rehab
Still not satisfied, I sent a follow-up.
