“Yeah, yeah, go ahead.”
He darts away before I can tell him he can borrow some of my clothes. Where the extra toothbrushes and washrags are. That the hot water needs to be all the way on to get enough heat behind it.
But as I stand here, none of those things stick in my brain.
Instead, it’s a question.
Did he really think … ?
No way he thought I’d make him showerwithme.
He couldn’t have thought I’d … that we’d … do that.
Right?
The idea twists something deep in my core.
Makes the pins and needles return to my fingers tenfold.
Shaking them out, I flex my hands, and head for the stairs.
I’m standing outside the bathroom door a few minutes later with a folded set of sweats in my hands and no idea how to knock on the door without terrifying him.
The shower’s not even running yet.
Swallowing the building thickness, I set the pile on the floor. Straighten. Touch the panel and whisper, “There’s clean clothes out here, Em. They’re all yours.”
Silence greets me, but the shadow beneath the door is a giveaway that he’s at least close. Possibly listening. Probably waiting for something horrible, and I shiver. Press my palm into my chest.
“I’m gonna go back downstairs. I’ll only come back up if you take more than twenty minutes, okay? Just to check on you. Use what you need to shower. It’s okay.”
With one last huff, I turn away with his low response digging into my ribs.
It’s not okay.
Fuck, I wish it was.
Chapter 9
Emmett
It’s been long enoughthat I heard feet shuffle outside, only to pass by.
Long enough that the water seeps into my skin and wrinkles me like a prune.
For the water to go frigid.
For my body to prickle with chicken skin.
And yet, the tears won’t dry up.
The suds won’t wash down the drain.
That the grime coating me feels more permanent than little raised white lines.
Is this what it’s like to be dead inside?
I wash again, scrubbing with trembling fingers and numb hands over the smudges that only I can see. Though it doesn’t matter how hard I clean the marks. They’re forever etched into my body, my being, like a reminder of all the dirty darkness that stains me.
