My chest caves in, my eyes burning. “When do I tell him?”
Hatley blows out a breath, gaze shifting to stare out over the mound and into the rows and rows of headstones.
“Before, man. Don’t waste any more time.”
I swallow hard and follow his gaze, staring out at nothing, my heart pounding so hard that it feels like it’s breaking down everything holding it back from escaping. And then some.
Fuck, it feels like it’s fucking breaking itself.
“I’m gonna take off,” Hatley says softly, his hazel eyes glittering harshly in the sunlight when I look back at him. “Call me if you need something.”
“Thanks, Hat.”
He pulls his fingers free, sparing me one last glance before he climbs to his feet and takes off, leaving us alone.
“What do you have to tell me?” It’s croaky, like maybe Emmett was asleep, the sound of it making my heart both soar and weep.
“The scholarship.” My throat clogs, the fear of losing him cutting so deep, I don’t know that I can get the words out.
“Flight nurse certification.” He nods against my chest and tears leak from my eyes at his memory. “The special one.”
“Yeah,” I murmur low and press my lips to his hair, my eyes squeezing shut.Please don’t let me lose you. “It’s … I … I’m gonna be gone for a while to do it.”
He pushes back from me, those sweet fucking eyes boring into me.
“Gone?”
I nod. Gather up his hand in both of mine. “Emmett, when I applied, I hadn’t even met you yet and it felt like the right thing, to chase a dream. I … I don’t wanna lose my shot.” His eyes flick between mine, concerned and wary. “But I don’t want—I can’t lose you either, baby.”
Everything in me screams to ask him to just come with me. To stick close to me.
Because I want him. And I need him.
I love him.
But how can I ask him to abandon the life he just got back to follow me? Then what happens? There’s nothing in Utah for him like there is here.
It’s too much to tear him away fromthis. The ability to see his mom, even though she’s not here anymore. To come here and heal the pieces of himself she chipped away. To grieve fully and come out better.
To be with Hatley, a friend he so rightfully deserves.
It would be incredibly selfish of me.
Wouldn’t it?
“I leave in sixteen days,” I whisper past the lump in my throat.
His jaw ticks as he looks away, breaking the connection between us to stare at his mother’s grave.
I watch from the side as so many things pass over his face. Redness from anger. Splotches blooming from sadness. Uncertainty hardening his brows, nostrils flaring, and suddenly I’ve lost track of the direction of the storm when he turns to me with tears in his eyes.
“My mother used to watch these movies where they’d kiss goodbye in airports. It always felt like they were wrong.” Heleans close and I can’t breathe. “Maybe it was supposed to be in a cemetery, instead.”
Lips ghosting over mine, he absorbs my sob.
“Baby, I don’t wanna kiss you goodbye.”
I cup his jaw to keep him close, and he grabs hold of my wrists.
