And this time … Iknowthey’re because of me.
Chapter 52
Emmett
My heart is inmy throat when Bobbie tells me about my mother’s diagnosis. And how disappointed she is that Idisappearedon her. That she understands my situation but is hurt.
But does she understand like she said?
Funny how she was the one that sent me away but blames me for not telling her where the fuck I went. Going with Tristen washer idea.
I wish I hadn’t.
Maybe then I wouldn’t have this pressure sitting on my chest or this pain in my stomach or the goddamn picture of him stuck in my head. Fading behind the elevator doors.
Tears in his pretty brown eyes.
I don’t know that he’ll ever forgive me. That I’ll ever forgivemyself.
I’m a monster.
A sick queer, just like Eric always said I was.
He knew all along what lived in his house, and I was just too stupid to realize it.
Too dense. Too weak.
Suck it back.
“Here you go, honey.”
The Styrofoam cup fills my watery vision and my stomach clenches at the thought of putting anything in it.
“No thanks,” I croak out and watch my aunt’s frame slump.
“Emmett, my sweet nephew,” she says too softly, and I tense up. “Please take it so we can talk about Char.”
I shake my head.
If I don’t talk about it … it can’t be real. Just some dream that I’ll wake up from, and I’ll be in the bed I’ve been sharing with two other men, and my side will be too warm.
Does he know he smiles in his sleep?
My stomach clenches and I push away my aunt’s hand.
“No, thank you.”
A heavy sigh comes from the woman I only ever see between these walls, her exhalation accented by the monitor hooked up to the wasting human I used to call a mother dying on the bed beside me.
It’s the first time I have seen my life-giver outside of the house since I was small.
“All right, fine. We’ll do this the hard way.” Bobbie crouches right there in front of me, her knees popping as she settles low enough to catch my gaze. “She’s going to be in and out but not for long. Sepsis; do you know what that is?”
The fabric over my knuckles tightens.
“I-infection.”
Bobbie nods and nods some more, her eyes filling with unshed tears.
