She’s the precious one. Not me.
If I could just go to sleep …
“You’re not a self-centered person.”
“Of course I am. Just ask Mother.”
She drags in a breath and squeezes my hand. “She is so, so wrong. You have to know this.”
My chest tightens.
When you’ve been told the same thing for your entire life … it’s hard not to believe it.
But when your own life-giver tells you?
“Mom’s not wrong, ever.”
She pats my hand, then sets it down gently on the bed and steps away. “They’re going to discharge you in the morning, honey. Doc is pleased with how you’ve been the last few days.” She eyes me and types. “I want you to come home with me.”
“No, thank you.”
Her jaw clenches, but she recovers quickly.
“Please, at least think about it.” She drops a small cup of pills in front of me, and I look at the concoction. Some of them I recognize. Some I don’t. I don’t even bother to ask anymore, just tip the cup back and swallow them all at once.
It’s familiar, working the mouthful down my dry throat, and I can’t stop the ping of hope that rears its stupid head.
It’s notthatkind of mouthful. Get a grip.
Dragging in a deep breath, I accept the small cup of water that my aunt offers and sip. It’s ice cold and feels good traveling down my aching throat until it hits my stomach and turns to lead.
“Ouch,” I mumble and clutch my midsection, my spine arching forward to curl around the pain of my cracked ribs. The water spills and covers my legs, soaking through the fabric and chilling me to the bones. The shivers that rack over me have me clutching harder to the blanket when it’s tugged. “No.No.”
“My sweet nephew, look at me.”
“No. No. No.” Heat covers my jaw, and I fight against the pull. “Ithurts.”
“I know, honey. I know.” My shoulders jostle a little, but it does nothing to stop the shakes, the cold taking over my limbs and threatening to claim me.
After what I was trying to do, you’d think I would be okay with this.
It’s not the same.
There’s been a few days since. Time away from all the triggering aspects of my life that keep my already dark mind locked in the cave of desperation to find a way out.
The only way out is in a box.
I curl up tighter, pulling my knees up to protect my middle and digging my fingertips into my twitching calves.
I didn’t choose this part.
My kneecaps mash into my forehead, the bones like blunt smacks to my pounding head.
I wanted this to be over.
“Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on here?” A hand wedges between my head and the bruising it’s causing on my knees.
I don’t know why I let it stop me, but I smash right into the waiting palm and hold it there.
