My throat gets thick, and my heart patters inside my chest.
There’s a weighted hopefulness that lights up Tristen’s face and I don’t want to tell him that he shouldn’t want that. That touching me will only make him worse. He shouldn’t want to.He shouldn’t.
What’s worse, though, is that … I don’t know the answer to tell him.
How do I explain that most of the time, hands on me makes my skin crawl? My chest tight? My mind spiral?
How do I tell someone so dead set on doing it that he’s been the only one to ever touch me and itnot hurt?
That Idon’t know.
The silence that stretches between us gains weight the longer that I say nothing and dims that shine on his face.
I don’t want that.
“I’m s—” I choke the apology back and grit my teeth. “I don’t know.”
The smile he was keeping in place softens and his head tilts.
“That’s okay, bub. Can we … figure it out together?”
Breath short and chest tight, I reluctantly nod.
“What if … what if I can’t?”
That tilt of his lips takes on a sad edge that makes my stomach curl up.
“We can figure that out, too.”
He gets to his feet before I can say anything else and … holds his arms out?
“What are you doing?”
His smile spreads into something more jovial. Lighter. “How about we start with a hug?”
“A … hug?”
“Yeah, y’know, where we like wrap our arms around each other and both let go when one loosens.”
I scoff and roll my eyes. “I know what a hug is, Tristen.”
He snorts and flicks his fingers. “Then bring it in, bubbles. Hug me.”
Drawing in a deep breath, I get my legs under me and knee-walk to the edge of the bed.
It takes me a few seconds of staring at his bare chest to get mine to hold my heart in with the way it thunders inside me. Another few seconds of drawing back a deep breath.
I lift my arms and lean closer.
His scent hits me before I can wrap my arms around his ribs, and I stumble.
My knee slips off the edge of the bed, and I fall face first onto his chest.
The pain-filledumfthat he makes when he catches me has a sorry sticking to my lips, but when his arms come around me lightly, something inside me just …releases.
My eyes burn and I bury my face in his chest.
It smells like sage and smoke. Leather and safety.
