“What about you?” he mumbles.
“As long as you’re safe . . .” I shrug as I climb back on and pat the seat behind me. “Get on, baby.”
He doesn’t hesitate this time, getting on behind me, but I don’t feel him, and when I glance back, he’s perched away, his hands anchored on the sides of the bike. Rolling my eyes, I reach back, grab his hands, and position them around my waist.
“Hold on tight. I’m going fast,” I warn.
He swears under his breath and wraps his arms tightly around me, as if he wants to do anything but touch me.
I rev the engine and accelerate, and he slams into me. His arms wrap tighter around me, making me grin as I shoot off into the city. Heneeds to get away and forget for a while. I can do that. He might push me away, but I can give him what he needs—silent freedom from the people sucking him dry.
His hold increases, and I feel the side of the helmet press against my back as he moves so there’s no space between us. My heart races from his nearness, though I won’t tell him that. I feel his heart pounding, even through the layers between us, but again, I remain silent.
I don’t have a direction in mind, but I choose roads I know will be nearly empty, and I drive as fast as I dare before we head out of Pine Valley on deserted streets that allow me to go as fast as possible. We even out on a straight stretch, and I feel him let go.
When I glance back, his eyes are closed and his arms are stretched out on either side of him. Something in him seems to relax, and my own muscles loosen as he gives in to the freedom I find on my bike.
Turning forward, I see a bend ahead, so I tap his thigh, and he wraps his arms around me again, holding me tight as I take the corner. We weave through the countryside before I slow and pull over on a turnout. It’s surrounded by trees and a railing. I turn my bike off and dismount. He lingers, and I take the helmet off for him, allowing myself a moment of weakness as I brush his hair from his face before stepping away.
“Come on.” I shove my hands into my pockets so I don’t reach for him as I climb over the guardrail. He follows a moment later, and I sit at the top of the grassy hill. There’s a gap between the trees that displays Pine Valley below, and when I glance at Zia, he’s standing at my side, frowning.
“What?” he asks.
“Sit.” I tug him down, and he sighs but sits next to me and stretches his legs out, matching my pose as he leans back on his arms. He’s so close, I could touch him, but I don’t. I don’t think he’d accept it right now, and I don’t want him to reject me.
I remain silent, and he eventually relaxes.
“You’re right. I was pulling away. I’m sorry.” He glances at me then back to the city, but my gaze doesn't leave him as he speaks. “There’s been so much shit at work, and Faiz—” He shakes his head. “He hurt me a lot, Nikko. He fucked me up inside, and I’m not ready to be hurt again.” He looks at me, a worried expression etched on his face. “You’re sweet, Nikko, kind and good. You’re everything I’m not. Don’t you see that it will never work between us? It can’t.”
“Who says so? We won’t ever know if we don’t try.” I shrug.
He’s quiet for a moment, his gaze scanning my face like he’s memorizing it before delivering a blow. “I can’t love you, Nikko. I can’t love anyone again, not like I loved him. I just can’t.”
If he thinks that will scare me off, then he doesn’t know me very well. “That’s fine. I’m not asking you to love me.” I grin as I cover his hand with mine, not giving him a chance to pull away as I stare at the view.
“I’m using you for sex, Nikko,” he snaps, but if he thinks that will hurt me, then he’s dumb. I look at him, arching an eyebrow.
“Then use me.”
“What?” he blurts.
I kiss him softly. “I said use me. I’ll let you.” I turn back to the view. He’s quiet, but Zia doesn’t move away or say anything else, so I smile and relax.
“You’ll regret saying that one day, regret meeting me. Everyone does,” he says.
“Guess we’ll see,” I reply, dismissing his words.
I will never regret meeting Zia, not for one moment, no matter how this ends. Before him, all I had was boxing. Sure, I had a dream, a house, and a family, but nothing else. There was no excitement, no one to look forward to seeing, and no reason to dress nicely or pick up my phone. He brought confidence, excitement, and lust into my world. Zia gave my life meaning.
“It’s a beautiful view,” he murmurs softly, like a peace offering.
“It is,” I reply, but I mean him, not Pine Valley.
I see his lips twist into a smile as he looks at me. “You are a stubborn, stubborn man, Nikko.”
“Back at you, Zia,” I murmur.
He shakes his head and leans into me, resting his forehead against mine. “I can’t get rid of you, can I?”
