“And what if it gets more complicated than that?” he whispers.
“Then we’ll deal with it. Stop thinking about things that might never happen. For once in your life, Zia, just live in the moment.”
He turns onto his side, his eyes searching my face before they land on my lips. “Fine, I will.” He leans in, as do I, drawn by this bond we are creating. Our lips meet in a soft, leisurely kiss.
My hand slides into his soft hair as he rolls on top of me, lying on my chest. He tries to speed things up, but I slow us down until we pull away, our noses pressed together.
“Will you stay tonight?” I ask him softly, knowing it’s probably crossing a line.
Fuck buddies don’t cuddle, and they don’t stay the night, but I wish he would.
I want to wake up again to his beautiful face. I want his laughter in my house, filling up all the empty space inside it and inside me.
He swallows hard before he timidly replies, “Yes, I’ll stay.”
SEVENTEEN
Iwake early, which is typical, but the ceiling above me is wrong, the bedding feels rough, and there’s an arm and a leg thrown over me, making me way too hot. It confuses me for a moment before I remember I’m with Nikko.
I fell into his bed, and he held me as we fell asleep.
I stayed because he asked.
Fuck.
Turning my head slowly, I see his face is turned toward me, relaxed in his sleep. He looks so innocent and cute, and I love that I get to see him like this when no one else does.
Possessiveness rears its head, and then I realize my mistake.
I shouldn’t have stayed. It might give him the wrong impression.
I can’t offer Nikko any more of me than my body. I can’t do it again.
He was so sure last night that he could handle this side of me, but part of me doesn’t want him to. I like how he’s untouched by the violence in my world. Even if he’s a boxer, he isn’t a killer tainted by the things I’ve seen and had to do. I really like that.
It’s twisted, but I crave his innocence. Staring at his face now, Iknow I could ruin this man just by staying, and that’s what gets me moving.
No, this can never be anything more than sex for either of us.
We’ll eventually have to stop. He’ll have belts to win, and I’ll have a family to take over, and then we will be nothing but a memory for the other person.
That’s the way it has to be.
I dress quietly after shooting off a text, and I make sure I leave nothing behind. I don’t leave a note or a message either, since he’ll get the picture when he wakes up. Once outside his front door, I take a deep breath and put myself back together. With Nikko, I get to be someone else—someone softer, happier, and freer—but that isn’t who I am.
It’s just a hope, one that’s dashed as I walk to the car and Yuki, who has my preferred coffee in hand. I accept it and slip in the back with him, and then we leave, Nexus fading into the distance like a memory.
I feel Yuki’s eyes on me and almost hear his loud thoughts. “Say whatever you want before you choke on the words,” I mutter as I sip my coffee.
“It’s nothing, sir,” he replies.
I raise a brow and spare him a look. “Don’t hold your tongue, you never do. You want to say something, so say it,” I order.
His lips purse for a moment before he sighs. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again, sir. Faiz?—”
“Is in the past. I won’t get hurt,” I assert.
“If you’re sure, sir. I just worry about you. I hate seeing you hurt.”
