I clutch the one-eyed dinosaur to my chest, desperately trying to steady my breath.
“Devil’s Ivy.”
The glossy green leaves trail down my wall, catching what little light there is.
Nate.
I don’t say his name. I won’t even look at the photo on my nightstand.It would shatter me.
God, I miss him. Pressure builds behind my eyes, but nothing happens. Why can’t I cry? Why can’t I do something, anything, to get this feeling out of me? I could scream, but Miss Kitty would just glare at me.
It’s been four months. Four months since I nearly killed an entire demon horde with my magic. Four months of burying my emotions so deep I barely know how to function. Four months since I killed my mate…or nearly killed him.
I can still feel the warmth of his skin fading away as blood slides down his cheeks. Aradon’s oily, dark magic clamps around my mind. Zarreth’s eyes go empty, his head hitting the ground with a dull thump when it slips through my fingers. Our mating mark fades right before my eyes.
Stop it!I shake my head, rubbing the tattered wings inked over my heart. It’s still there. He’s still here.
I swing my legs to the floor. They land like they’re made of lead. Everything takes so much energy these days. I yawn and stretch my arms overhead, padding out of my room and nearly tripping over the gray and black cat. “Scram.”
She yowls, irritated that I dared to step into her path. “Excuuuse me for interrupting your early morning stalking session.” Anytime Zarreth sleeps at his own place, Miss Kitty turns into a tiny, furious bloodhound, stalking the house like he’shermate instead of mine.
I scratch behind her ear, silently apologizing for snapping at her before entering the bathroom. The bags under my eyes are all I can stand to look at while I brush my teeth. I look too much like my brother, and it hurts every time. But tonight we are celebrating his birthday, so I suck it up and put some effort into my appearance for once.
I style my curls in a loose braid and splash water on my face. A thin coat of mascara, and coconut oil on my dry lips, will have to do. It’s not like Nate will know the difference anyway. I quickly change into a pair of jeans and my brother’s favorite blue flannel then head outside to wait for Zarreth.
The cool breeze wraps around us, carrying the scent of damp earth and wildflowers. The last remnants of the moon cast a silver glow over Zarreth’s face, illuminating his sharp jawline. Damn, my mate is handsome with that devilish grin he’s wearing and eyes so amber even the sun would be jealous.
He swoops down, and my stomach flips hard enough to make me laugh. Flying is the only time the noise in my head goes quiet. It’s the closest I get to being happy anymore.
“I wouldn’t distract me if I were you. What if my hands slip?” he teases as his grip loosens momentarily, sending my heart into my throat.
My arms tighten around his neck. “Zarreth, I swear to God if you drop me—” I pause, searching for something clever. Wow…I got nothing.
“You’ll what?” he chuckles. His eyes dare me to play along as his thumb rubs against my thigh. I almost press into the heat of his hand, but I stop myself.
I shake my head. Dammit, Frankie! I hate being like this. “Nothing,” I sigh, not wanting to get his hopes up. How much longer will he put up with me? I know he’s my mate, but he’s also a demon—a demon with needs. Why can’t I just be normal?
“Don’t do that.” Pulling me closer, he dives toward the stream.
“Do what?” My hand drags across the surface, spraying water. I pretend everything is okay while he shoots back into the sky.
“Beat yourself up. We’ll get through this.” That’s easy for him to say. His magic doesn’t lash out and hurt people just because he’s having a bad day.
Logically, I know dark magic doesn’t work on mates. But every time I get close to letting go, I’m dragged right back to that cave. Aradon’s magic overtakes mine again, forcing me to hold my mate’s face in my hands as I watch the life drain out of him.
“We better get back. The sun is starting to rise.” Changing the subject is my go-to move lately.
His shoulders sag slightly when he realizes I, once again, refuse to talk about my emotions. “You’re right.” There’s a quiet note of frustration in his voice. “Can’t have someone spotting us.”
He swoops down and lands on my back deck, setting me on my feet. My hands wrap around the back of his neck, my eyes finding his. “I’m sorry.”
His expression softens in a way only I get to see when he pulls me in. When his lips brush against my head, my chest eases a little. We’re okay. “You have nothing to be sorry for,Melita.I love you just as you are.”
I know he does, and that’s part of what bothers me. He deserves so much more than being mated to a broken halfling who can’t have sex. I pull away and plaster a small smile on my face. “I love you, too.”
Tucking his massive wings, he sits on the porch swing, patting the spot next to him. I’m still in awe of them—their beauty, their strength. It truly amazes me how something so powerful can move with such ease. They bend, but they never break. Just like him. I sink next to him, restingmy feet on his lap as we watch the deep blues of the night sky give way to the pink and orange of the morning.
A bluenose pitbull runs around the side of the house and bounds up the stairs. MJ’s tail wags when I scratch behind her ear. She’s gotten used to demons now that Jess and Ronin live together.
