Sensing the rising panic, Lily places two hands on my shoulders. “Breathe, B. Breathe.” I let out a shaky breath, not realizing I’d been holding it in.
What the fuck am I going to do?
“Okay,” Lily says once I’m breathing again. Her Type A personality snaps into place and I see her formulating a plan in her hazel eyes. “What if Remi comes home with me anyway? My parents have been begging to see her. She’ll be safe and out of the city for a couple of weeks, and you can work on getting the money together to either pay Giovanni off or run.” She ends with a wince.
My frown deepens at the thought of being away from Remi for any period of time, but Giovanni’s unpredictable. I don’t trust him. I would probably still be in the warehouse—or worse—if the Irish Devils hadn’t come along last night. For all I know, he could throw me in another van the second I step foot back in Wonderland.
Paying off my debt to Giovanni is the quickest way to try and get out from under his thumb. If I can pay it off fast, keep my mouth shut, then maybe he can forget this whole thing ever happened. I’ll pick up as many shifts as I can between the studio and the club, pay off Giovanni, get Remi’s medication, and maybe… it’ll all be okay.
Lily looks at me with a question in her eyes. “And what about Koen?
My eyes snap to hers. “What about him?” Everything about Koen still screams danger to me. Would he help me if he knew what was going on? I’d have to tell him about Remi if I’m going to ask him to hide us. My hand shakes at the thought of it.
“Maybe—Maybe he could help. With Gio?”
I think about it. They’re obviously not friends, seeing as how Koen and his men killed all of Gio’s and tore apart his warehouse, but that doesn’t mean he’d help me. But Gio said I was the only one to survive last night.Did Koen kill the rest of the girls? Would he have killed me too if I stayed?
I shake my head. “We can’t trust him. Our best hope is that we stay off his radar while I try and get us out of Boston.”
“So I’ll take Remi to New York with me, and you’ll stay here?”
I shift uneasily on my feet, not wanting to be separated from either of them. “Are you sure that’s okay?”
“Yes, absolutely, even though I don’t like the thought of leaving you here alone…”
“It’s safer for you and Remi if you guys go. I’ll handle things here.” I nod, trying to look braver than I feel.
22
LITTLE ROSE
BRIAR
Now
After Remi’s asleep, I spend hours in the old dance studio around the corner from our apartment, working on the routine I have to choreograph and perform for my senior piece at the winter showcase.
The studio sits right atop Mae’s Diner, where Lily works a couple of mornings a week. Mae, Lily’s boss, owns the studio too, but it’s been closed down now for ages. Being the sweet, old woman that she is, Mae offered the space to Lily and me to practice in at no cost.
Some of the mirrors along the wall are cracked and broken, and the place is really in need of a good cleaning. Layers of dust and cobwebs coat the rafters of the old mill building, but the space is big and open and the floor is solid and that’s all that really matters.
Music plays out of my phone speaker; it’s not the sophisticated sound system the Conservatory studios offer, but it gets the job done.
After everything that’d happened, I’d tried going to bed early. Lord knows I could use the sleep, but lying there, alone in my bed, and in the dark… it only made my panic worse. My chest felt tight and, even lying still in my bed, my heart hammered inside like I was in the middle of a marathon. The walls began to feel like they were closing in, and my mind started to spiral into every possible way this could all go wrong.
Dancing is the only way I know how to make it stop.
I mark through the choreography I’ve been working on for my senior piece. I really shouldn’t be dancing, and I’m not…not really anyway.
My ribs still ache and the lacerations on my back burn with every single movement I make; blood leaks out of the barely healed wounds every time I twist or stretch too far, preventing me from actually working through the routine properly, but even just being here, moving, working—it calms my brain.
As I mark the steps, I push myself further, losing myself in the music and the routine and forgetting the pain, the stress, and everything else I have weighing me down.
When I finally stop, my back is on fire, and sweat coats my body, but my mind is finally quiet.
I tug on my hoodie, welcoming the cold blast of night air against my hot face as I step out onto the sidewalk. Wet leaves litter the streets. It must have rained while I was in the studio, the wet sheen on the pavement reflects the faint glow of the street lights overhead. The further I walk, the heavier the night feels. A thin mist of fog creeps along the streets, giving the broken-down old buildings a ghostly appearance, keeping most pedestrians away.
I’ve walked the short walk from the studio to our apartment late at night many times, but tonight feels different…
