“Am I?” I reply almost absently, my mind drifting back to the need to tell Koen the truth.
“And you’vebeenacting weird.”
“Well, I mean, it could be the daily threats to our lives and that sort of thing…” I reply ruefully.
But she shakes her head, her face uncharacteristically serious. “No, that’s not it…” I feel her scrutiny and shift uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact. “Oh, my god, yousleptwith him!” Lily’s eyes widen and her face lights up with both shock and excitement. “Briar Elizabeth! We do not sleep with our baby daddies!” she chastises.
She’s so loud.
I shush her, rushing closer, glancing around quickly to make sure Remi didn’t get out of bed, but her bedroom door is still shut tight.
“Shhh, she could hear you!”
Lily rolls her eyes, waving me off. “Please, that kid could sleep through the end of the world once she’s out.”
It’s true.
“I didn’t—sleep with him,”I wince.
“Briar,” she frowns, “you are the worst liar the world has ever seen. Now, go get a spoon from the kitchen, and then get your fine ass back over here so we can discuss how youtotallyslept with Koen!”
My head drops back, looking to the sky for help before spinning around, giving up, and following her instructions. Plopping down on the couch next to Lily, I dig my spoon into the ice cream carton and scoop out a mouthful, while ignoring her wickedly annoying grin of glee.
“Okay, I want all the tea.” She settles in deeper into the cushions, ready for a full debrief.“Spill!”
“I don’t even know where to start…” I grumble between bites.
“How about when you fucked him?”
“Lily!”
“What?” She just blinks innocently at me, and I shake my head.
“Which time?” I slip my spoon back into my mouth, smiling slyly.
“Briar! You little slut!” She leans forward, slapping my arm teasingly. “Was he good? As good as you remember?”
I cover my face with my hands. “I amsonot giving you a play-by-play.”
She rolls her eyes again, with irritation this time. “Ugh, you’re such a prude!”
“Am I a slut, or am I a prude?” I tease. “I’m pretty sure I can’t be both.”
“Shut up. You have to give me something!”
“Fine,” I relent, quickly giving her the PG-13 version of what went down at the ballet studio the other night, and then again andagainat the gala. I leave out the part about Koen shooting a guy in our apartment.
“Holy shit,” she whispers when I’m finished. Dropping the ice cream carton down on the coffee table, completely forgotten. “You’re falling for him,” she says softly.
The words land heavier than I expect. My chest tightens, and suddenly it isn’t fun anymore. “I don’t know what I feel.”
She softens, the amusement on her face fading. “Hey. That’s okay. But, babe, sleeping with your baby daddy isn’t exactlycasual hookup territory.It means something. Even if you’re not ready to admit it.”
I sit back against the couch cushions, blowing out a breath while hugging a throw pillow to my chest. “It’s complicated.”
Lily stays quiet, letting me work through my thoughts.
“What if it was a mistake?” It shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have let it… I release a shaky breath and hug the pillow tighter against me like it alone might hold me together. “It wasn’t supposed to happen. One second he’s being his usual grumpy, irritatingly bossy self and then… I don’t know. It was him, it was me, it was—everything. And it felt…” My voice catches, breaking the word in half. “It felt like more than it should have.” I chew my bottom lip. “It’s a bad idea;he’sa bad idea?—”
