I’d rather go back to prison.
Chapter Four
Erin
To be honest,the only thing keeping me here in this car is my sister.
The last doctor’s visit gave her six months.Six monthsto live—unless something drastically changes.
The beautiful thing about free healthcare is that it’s free. The terrible thing about free healthcare is that it means waiting.
Waiting so long, you start forgetting what it feels like to hope, and in some cases, the treatment comes after it’s already too late.
So here I am, in the back of the car.
Da is driving, with Mam next to him, her hands folded in her lap.
Me—sitting in the back, itching to count something. Anything.
I need an anchor. A number. A rhythm.
Something to stop me from focusing on the way this dress clings to my skin like a second layer of sweat. Moisture pools beneath my breasts, between my thighs, making me feel filthy and exposed.
I want to claw at my skin. Rip the fabric away. Scream.
Instead, I count.
One. Two. Three. Four.
It’s too much. Way too much.
I don’t know how to claw my way out of this space.
“Stop making that face,” my mother snaps. “You look like you’re about to have an accident or something.”
“What?” My cheeks flush hot. “What are you talking about?” I shake my head.
“Your face is all scrunched up like that, and I?—”
“Tara,” my da cuts in, placing a hand on her wrist. “Leave her alone. You know how she is.”
And somehow… that hurts even more than her chiding. Like I’m broken and defective, something to bemanaged.
My throat tightens. I dig my nails into my palms until it hurts.
Better.PainI can control.
I swallow hard. I can’t think of that, not now.
I hope Bridget knows how much I love her.
I hope whatever negotiations they’re planning tonight are worth it.
Theybetterbe fucking worth it.
“Oh my,” Mam mutters under her breath. “It does look sort of majestic in this light, doesn’t it?” She can’t hide the jealousy in hertone as we pull up to the McCarthy estate.TheMcCarthy estate, famous in Ballyhock and the surrounding towns as well.
Floodlights burst across the gravel, lighting our path in harsh, golden stripes.
