I set my phone on my side table and smile, the biggest smile I’ve ever had, and fuck does it feel good.
Chapter 8
New Normal
Levi
Was it possible life could look up? It's been two months since I started my new job, and two months since Grant lost his temper. I wanted to go to college, but right now, it isn't in the cards for me. I have to stay and protect Scarlett until she graduates. Then we are out of here.
I've made friends, real friends. Spencer became my best friend. Since I started coaching the baseball team, the teamhas been welcoming. It helps that the guys are only two years younger than I am.
This school is excellent for Scarlett; the academics and sports are top-tier, and so are the students.
I've spent so long taking care of everyone else that I've forgotten what it's like to live. I haven't had to be Levi the protector, the fighter, or the savior.
All my life, I've been saving someone. Saving my mom after a bad beating and listening to her excuses, over and over again. My sister, from the same fate as my mom, only her beatings didn't stop at home. Our last school was hell for her; she was bullied for being too shy or too quiet, and she got in trouble often for skipping class. Or I was fixing the breakage I caused myself while trying to repair and save everyone else. I would break myself down to nothing to save the people I love.
The kicker is, sometimes the ones you're saving don't love you enough to stop you from killing yourself in the process.
So many times, I've tried to ask my dad for guidance, to help me navigate this shit life I'm glued to. I remember lying in bed after Grant, the tornado, skated through the house, begging to be someone else, wishing my dad didn't die, because life would be so damn different. Who would I be if Leo King were alive? Would he be proud of the man I am becoming? Living up to the expectations of someone you never knew is a whirlwind of emotions. I just want to be enough.
I wanted to be enough for my dad to get out of the military and come home to us.
I wanted to be enough to save my sister from every beating she endured.
I wanted to be good enough to save my mother.
I wanted to be enough for someone to save me.
The only person who would ever save me is Scarlett, and she's so scared of who she is because Grant has made her believe she's worthless, selfish, and flawed in every way. Now, it's my job, my duty to raise her. To show her the way, to teach her self-respect and love. To teach her that she is worthy, special, and selfless, the only flaw she has is that she believes a man who lays a hand on a woman. The weight of that alone is crushing. I want to be the fun, reckless brother so badly. I want to party, chase girls, drink, get stoned, break rules. I crave recklessness, living in this box of regulations and a life of being a goodie-two-shoes. If I falter, break some rules, chase some girls, do all the things, how hypocritical would that be?Hey, Letty, you can't do this, but I can. I don’t play that game; I don't have double standards. Double standards got us here. In this, I can make you feel like shit and beat you down till you're dirt beneath my boot, but you'll respect me and my authority. Shit. So, many times I wish I'd done it differently. I could have fought harder, harder to make my mom stay. I should have gotten her away from him; there was something I could have done, but damn it, I didn't know what. All I know now is I'll do whatever it takes to keep Scarlett safe, from Grant and herself. If our mom taught me anything, it's that sometimes you're more of a danger to yourself than the person hurting you.
The weekend was finally here, and I was ready for it. Two months of Letty surviving school, and I'm surviving my new job. This should be celebrated, because four months ago, I didn't even think I'd make it to tomorrow, and I did. Spencer said there is a party over at Sam's house, and his parents are gone. Scarlett came into my room last night and begged me, offering to do all of my chores for a whole week if she could go to the party. Of course, I took up the offer to supervise at this party.
Grant’s off at work, and we are getting dressed to head out. I throw on some jeans and a t-shirt that says, “leg rests” with an arrow pointing to both shoulders. Honestly, I only wear these profanity-driven shirts to piss off Grant. Since I've grown in size and muscle, he has laid off trying to whoop my ass. He can still take me, but he isn't getting away unscathed. I'll be damned if I cower to that sack of shit.
Scarlett emerges from the bathroom wearing frayed jean shorts and a V-neck crop top. A sliver of her flat, tanned, and toned stomach shows just below the belly button. “Letty. What the fuck are you wearing?” Her curly hair falls around her face as she looks down.
She looks up from across the room, and she points at my shirt. “Really? You wanna come for me, Mr. LEG RESTS?” She rolls her eyes.
A smirk falls across my face because, shit, she got me. “Well, my boobs aren't popping out, and my stomach isn't showing.” I grab onto my pecs and wiggle them with my hands.
She throws her head back in frustration, “First, stop looking at my boobs and forget I have them. Second, a swimsuit shows more skin than this does. Based on your shirt, you want a lady in far less than what I'm wearing with her coochie in your face, so let's stop the I'm Mr. Innocent Dad.” I press my lips together.Right. Not her dad. Space is what she needs. But not too much space where a man might get the wrong idea and try to cop a feel.I drop my head.
Taking a deep breath, I look back up at her, her eyes now saddened.Now, I've made her feel like shit after she spent two hours trying to get ready.“I’m sorry, you're right. One. I never want to think about your boobs like ever again. Excuse me while I vomit. Two, I don’t mean to go all dad mode. I just don't know how to keep you safe from people I don't know, but I also don'twant to push you away. But just know if some guy touches you wrong at all, I'll drop his face to the curb.” With that, I get a smile.
“Thank you. Thanks for talking things out and listening and not screaming.” She turns and heads downstairs.
Spencer is outside his truck, about to hop in. “Hey Spencer, wanna ride with us?” I look over to Scarlett as she moves to the back seat. He nods his head, locking his truck and heading over. His shirt makes his arms look jacked; he works out like a machine. Starting Monday, I'm going to be a “gym rat,” as he calls himself.
He slides into the car, turning back to say hi to Scarlett. “Daaammnn, Beauty Queen, you are asking for your brother to throw punches tonight, aren't you?” I give him a dead man look, and he puts his hands up in surrender. “Chill, I won't be trying to lay her down on her back, I've got your back.” If my eyes could murder, they would take Spencer to his grave at this moment.
Scarlett laughs so hard in the back seat that she snorts, bending over as the laugh escapes her, and I can't even be mad anymore. We all laugh together, and what a freeing thing it is. To be here at this very moment, with my two favorite people, laughing. Yes, I would rather have my sister in a turtleneck and long pants, but I can't make all the rules.
Pulling up to the house, the party is already in full swing. Parked cars line the road for blocks. The house is easily three times as big as ours, and ours isn't small. The music blasts from inside. We walk up to the door, and immediately, I see my friends. “Hey, King and Collins over here!” Logistically, I shouldn't be partying with my team, but I am also an assistant coach in training. This is my first gig since I graduated from high school. I am taking online classes to coach full-time, so I guessI shouldn't mess it up, but again, I crave being reckless. Sam's loud ass can be heard down the block, I'm sure.
Walking over to the group, Sam looks up. “Hey, guys, and Lil King.” He laughs, and hands us all a beer. Looking over at Scarlett, I give her the dad look that says, ‘go easy.’
She leans into my ear. “I'm going to go out back, my friend Maddie said she's back there.” I nod and watch every single person, ensuring she isn't followed out before returning to my friends.
