This is the secret of secrets, the one shoved so far in the closet it was never supposed to come out, but Spencer deserved the truth. He deserved to know why we were often ‘sick’, why Scarlett shouldn’t be home alone, or why she wanted to learn self-defense. I know he has to wonder. You know what’s worse than being embarrassed? Being lied to, and I wasn't gonna do that to him anymore. When I told him, it was like I finally broke through the waves to scream for help, just before another crashed over me, taking me back down. It was the scream for help that was powerful; it was telling me I needed help. The thing about helping everyone else is that no one thinks you ever need help, so you end up doing everything alone while holding everyone else up. As I said, I'm tired.
I will take Grant down; I will make him pay for what he has done. However, I know it will not end well. There will be an explosion. It’s been building, growing into an inferno, and someone is going to burn. With Letty growing stronger, we can make Grant pay together. Together, we can burn down the house, with him in it. That’s why I have had to play the longgame, to play this smart; I can’t be reckless, as recklessness brings danger. I can’t put Letty in danger.
After leaving Spencer’s house, I head to Maddie’s. With Spencer meeting Scarlett for self-defense training, I know she’s in good hands. Arriving at Maddie’s, my mind is on a loop of everything that has happened over the last couple of days, playing on repeat. First, Grant and his bullshit, then Scarlett telling me to feel anything but strong, and finally, me venting to Spencer about everything.
Stepping out of the car, Maddie opens the door and gives a sheepish smile. “Hey, stranger.” I gave her the best smile I could crack, but it didn’t fool her.
“Levi? What’s going on?” she asks, concern lacing her voice.
“Huh? Nothing, Peach, just tired, that’s all.” It’s not exactly a lie, just not the entire truth.
“Hmmm, where’s my dirty talk? My flirty jokes and the slap on the ass in greeting?”
Fuck, there’s no hiding from this girl, “Sorry, I just…” Cutting off the bullshit about to spew from my mouth, she steps to the side and points to the stairs.
“That’s it, up to my room, now.” Leaving me no choice but to obey, I shuffle past her and head towards the stairs.
Walking into her room, I take in the smell and how it immediately alters my nerves. Sitting on her bed, she looks at me. “Levi, talk to me.” Why does everyone think that phrase will work? It won’t make someone talk; it doesn’t magically start an avalanche of feelings and truths. She sits on the bed next to me, and I can’t help but drink her in. Her hair is tied back into a messy bun, and her tan skin glows, makeup-free, as her sun-kissed freckles dance along the bridge of her nose. Her small black tank top holds in her breasts, the only barrier keepingthem in place. Her defined collarbones draw my attention, and as her heartbeat rises, I watch the small pulse beat on the side of her neck. Her little nose ring, sexy as fuck, shines as the lamp hits it just right.
My eyes drift to her bare legs, shorts sliding up her tight thighs as she crosses her legs on top of one another, folding them in a meditative style. As her legs cross, my eyes drift to the perfect pussy presenting in front of me. With only shorts and what I assume is a little thong standing in the way of pure pleasure and satisfaction. My dick aches at the sight of her, I shiver remembering her taste, and the way she feels beneath my fingers. “Earth to Levi.” She snaps her fingers, dragging my attention back up to her beautiful blue eyes that have every way of making me obey her.
“Maddie.” I give her a smirk and move my hand up her thigh. She places her small hand on top of mine, stopping the proceedings.
“What’s going on? I know you, Levi. Something is up.” I try to drag my hand away from under her grasp, but she holds it in place. “Whatever it is, it won’t leave this room. Please trust me with whatever is weighing you down, because it looks heavy.” She isn’t wrong. It feels suffocating, more so than usual. Perhaps I'm tired of treading in rough waters, and maybe I'd rather float than fight for my life. Perhaps I want to be saved, just as I have saved everyone else.
“You won’t like what I have to say.” I sigh, trying to decide what to tell her. How much of me do I let her see? My facade is top tier, I’m happy-go-lucky, a sports guy who likes to party, and I’m always down to fuck. I get good grades, and my sister is my best friend; I’m possessive of her. I am strong, like to race my car, smoke cigarettes, and drink on the weekend. That’s me.At least that’s who I am to everyone else. For the first time, someone is asking me to break down, and fuck, I want to.
She squeezes my hand, catching my eyes, demanding I look at her. “I don’t like the bruise on your face either, so tell me.” She places her hand on top of mine.
I take a deep breath and remove my hand from her grasp, placing it out in front of her to initiate a handshake. She slides her pink painted nails around my hand and shakes my hand. “Hey, I’m Levi. My mother committed suicide almost one year ago. I’m also a brother, but more like a father, to my sister Scarlett. I have been taking care of her since I can remember.” She stops shaking my hand and places her hand on my shoulder.
“Tell me more.” Taken aback, I stare at her in confusion. I just told her my mother killed herself, and there was no pity, no sorry, that must suck, or wow, you take care of your sister, sucks to be you. Nothing. Instead, she wants to know more. Her soft, intuitive eyes tell me she is ready for what I have to say, so I start at the beginning.
“Um, alright, my dad was in the army, he died in the line of duty, while my mother was having an affair with Grant, Scarlett's father. Ultimately, she grew to hate her life in her loveless marriage and was unfulfilled with her two children. Instead of wanting to do better and work towards a better tomorrow, she offered herself. Leaving her much alive children feeling lifeless, and her husband, a free and pleased man. The only ones who pay the price for parental mistakes are the children, but it’s often beaten around with the notorious line, and my mother's favorite, ‘ I did the best I could.’ I believed her at first. Until she stopped fighting for us, when she offered us up to him, because she was defeated by the choice she had made, she stopped going out of her way to make sure we were okay, because she wasn’t. Instead, the roles reversed; I made sure shewas okay. I cleaned her up after every bad night. After everything went south, I was her north, her direction, her guidance. What did I get for a thank you? ‘You take care of her now.’ Now? Like I wasn't before? She checked out. For so long, I have had to be strong, Maddie. I’ve had to take it, the lack of love, compassion, security, unease; I took it all from everyone. If they felt unloved, I loved them and showed them compassion when they were at their weakest. I gave them security in knowing I would not fail them; I took their unease and gave them peace. Guess who showed me love, compassion, and security? Who gave me peace? Not a damn person.” I can feel my heart blasting against my ribs, my hairline now filled with sweat, because I gave it to her, the only thing I hid was Grant, the devil, for the lack of all things good in our lives.
Maddie’s eyes are glossed over as she holds back unshed tears. Placing her hand on my cheek, she turns her head to the side, and her voice falls so softly. “You’ve been so strong, and you know how to do that so well. But now it’s time you give yourself grace and accept your imperfections. There is no shame in breaking, Levi. It does not make you less of a man; if anything, it makes you stronger. You need to give your mind permission to release those holds. Free yourself from the thoughts that hold you in place, and let your heart take a break from the constant chipping everyone is doing. Break with me, Levi. Give me your body and be wild in freedom and love. Allow me to mend those chiseled pieces of your heart until it no longer has a muffled sound. Break with me, to heal yourself.” Her words are so soft, I can feel a tear slipping from my eyes, rolling down my cheek.
“You need to break to grow, Levi. There is no growth without rest, no strength without weakness, and I hold no sympathy for the ones who do not deserve it. I am sorry your mother left you, but fuck, she didn’t deserve what you gave. I am telling you tobreakwith me. Whatever that looks like for you, you want to scream and vent? Do it. You want a safe place to cry? Here you go. You want to fuck until you can’t feel anymore, I got you. You want me to tell you how great you're doing and how strong you are. Easy, done. But, I will not tell you, ‘I'm sorry that your mom isn’t here for you to take care of anymore.’ It’s not ok, what she made you do. But Levi, I will tell you one thing for certain. I see you, all of you, and your broken pieces. I am here for all of it, all of you, every version.” There goes the flood. My tears fall endlessly, because this is the first time in my life that I am receiving something that benefits me. She is not telling me what to do to help her.
My heart is pounding so fucking hard I can almost feel one of the missing pieces growing back, because this is what compassion feels like, being on the receiving end.
I take my hands around her sweet face, and I hold her, looking at my angel—the only person who has looked at me and seen me. The only person who cared enough to look through the wreckage and still find beauty, still found something worth saving. She wants to be my saving grace, and fuck, I need it. Looking into her eyes, I beg her to hear my silent gratitude, my pleas for this to last. When she nods her head, I kiss her. I kiss her like I have never kissed another.
I grab hold of her, pulling her onto my lap. “Angel, you can't ask me to use you so I can break. I would never use you.” I kiss her neck, causing her to roll her head back and smile slightly.
“Levi, that answer right there is why I am telling you to use me. I know you won’t hurt me. I am not telling you to use me negatively; use me positively, in a way that helps you. I am asking you to be vulnerable with me, to open up, and I promise you, you will not break me. I trust you.” I throw her onto her back, eliciting a cute yelp from her.
“Fuck, Peach. I'd never hurt you, not in any way you didn’t like.” Smiling into her kiss, she wraps her legs around my waist.
“So roll me over, find my tattoo, and do what it says.” She winks and unlocks her legs from around my hips.
In all our pursuits, we have always had sex in the dark, until this moment. The light is on, and we see each other better than ever. Not only because the glow illuminates around us, but also because we have been entirely transparent with one another. She knows me, who I am, and this will be my first time fucking her as Levi, the man behind the facade.
Starting with her shorts, I slide them down her legs, scanning her beautiful sun-kissed legs, and the moles trickle down them. Stunning. I search and find each mole kissing them, until I reach her panties. Pulling them slowly off, revealing her sex, bare and wet, she giggles. In doing as she requested, I take her leg and flip her over onto her stomach, with force. Drawing back my hand, I spank her plump ass, with a slight sting to my hand. Maddie gives a sharp inhale. She smirks into the pillow before pushing her ass up once more. I give it another slap, and the sweetest, most delicious moan falls from her lips.
I explore her body for a tattoo, caressing the sides with one hand, as my left hand stays planted on her cheek. Looking down, I see a small red line under my hand. Removing my hand from her ass, there it is.
A small red tattoo that reads, Bite Me.
