“Talk to you? Okay, get comfy, Spencer. I’m not pissed at you, I’m frustrated–I'm hurt. The last two weeks, I have been your secret. You kiss me, get me off, tell me things, and then you leave me when I want to pursue it. Friday night in your room, why did you bring me up there? To show me what I can’t have? To shower and tempt me, to kiss me and drag me along, then back out and leave to get off with someone who isn't me? Someonemore experienced?” He doesn't say anything; instead, a hurt flashes across his face. “No, you don’t get to be the sad one. I have been used my entire life, and I won’t do it anymore. I have a closet so full of secrets that if I add even one more, even as significant as this is, I will crumble. I won’t keep another secret, and I damn sure won’t be one. I deserve someone who wants me fully, I deserve the love I've always given.” I go to open the door, and he stops me, grabbing my wrist gently.
“Don’t, don’t go. Just–I’m sorry. What I am doing isn’t fair to you, to us. I’m scared, Scar. My feelings for you are so damn big, and your brother is my best friend, basically my brother. It feels like I am being disloyal to him. He asked me to watch out for you and think how it looks if I’m doing it with my dick.” I shake my head furiously.
“Then stop, Spencer, stop looking out for me!”
He squeezes my wrist. “I can’t, Scar!” His breath is rapid as he raises his voice and his eyes dart between mine. “I can’t. I like you, I really fucking like you, and you’re right, you should never be kept a secret. I want everyone to know you are mine. To kiss you, hold you, make you feel good. You are mine, and I am yours. I want everyone to know it, including Zach. Fuck that guy. I can't stand seeing someone potentially kiss those lips I have claimed, or hearing the moans I have summoned. I want to be all your firsts, and I know that is selfish. In my room, I wanted to throw you down and make you mine right there. I wanted to fill you up with my come and shape your sweet insides to fit me and only me, but I panicked. I can’t hurt your brother. I know I have to tell him before we take things too far. But please, don’t ever think for one second I’ve been running off and getting some elsewhere, it’s you, Scarlett, I go off to the gym or batting cage to let out frustrations of not having you, then I go home and fuck my fists until I moan your name and come on my hand. I wantto claim you as mine for the whole world to see, baby. I’ll talk to your brother this weekend. We are heading to an away game tomorrow, so that we won’t be home till Sunday, then I'll tell him.” I wipe away a fallen tear because I want to believe him, but people have a way with words, and the actions never seem to match up.
Friday has flown by; it is already noon, and the boys are getting ready to head away for their game. I walk out with them, about to get on the bus. “Levi, can I pl-eeeeease have your keys? I want to get stuff for the party, I promise I won’t race or fuck anyone in your back seat.” Levi turns around, followed by a flustered Spencer. His cheeks grew warm, and his head swiveled so fast in my direction it nearly popped clean off.
Levi shook his head. “Absolutely not, I’ve seen you drive. Terrifying.” I tip my head back and throw a little tantrum because I wonder why he got the car and not me; I can legally drive too.
“You’d be the best big brother in the whole world.” I shoot back, batting my eyelids. Still not budging, he shakes his head.
“Sorry, but it's going into the shop for the weekend, getting a new stereo put in, and maintenance; it's already dropped off.” He chuckles and slaps Spencer on the back.
I walked up to Spencer. “Hey, best friend… maybe I could drive your truck for the weekend, same rules, I will not race.” His eyes grow wide, and he stiffens.
“AND?!” I burst out laughing, while he thinks my jokes are nowhere near as funny as I do.
“And I promise not to fuck anyone in your back seat.” I give a wink. Only he shakes his head no.Seriously.
I go to stomp my feet as Spencer walks over, handing me the keys. Levi shakes his head and heads towards the bus. “There will be no guys in my truck, period. Only you, and maybe Maddie, unless she has a boy, then nope.” He pops the P and smirks. “And don’t you dare crash it, or get hurt.”
I throw my arms around him and squeeze him tightly, “Sir, yes, Sir.” He shakes his head and pulls me into him. I gulp hard. We are in the middle of the parking lot with students, in front of real-life people.
He whispers in my ear, “Be good while I'm gone, Beauty Queen. I’ll miss you.” Levi looks back, and Spencer lets go. I raise the key, and he laughs while shaking his head. Running up to Levi, I give him a big hug and tell him I love him.
Chapter 27
Mind Games & Ball Games
Spencer
The bus ride was long, lasting just over two hours. We went through all the snacks my mom packed for the team, and when that woman packs, she packs. The team is always grateful and loves her endlessly. Mainly because she feeds them, and that is the way to the hearts of the baseball boys. Levi’s phone is blowing up as he sits next to me. “Girl problems?” He shakes his head as his fingers type a hundred miles an hour.
“Something like that, basically telling Jessica I’m not ready to settle down, but if that’s what she wants, then she should find that. Safe to say, it is not going well.” He locks his phone and looks up at the stained bus ceiling, which is full of very questionable colors and shapes.
“That sucks, man, but you gotta do what makes you happy, and if one puss isn't what you're shooting for right now, then so be it. You want to be the best coach and twenty-year-old with a slut phase, you do you– I’m gonna love your goofy ass either way.” He laughs and pulls up Instagram. He scrolls to his notifications and clicks on the fifth one.
“After the beach, look who added me on Instagram, Maddie.” He clicks on her picture and starts scrolling through the six hundred pictures the girl has. “I’m definitely gonna get with her.” I look at him with a shocked look. “What?”
“Dude, she’s your sister’s best friend, isn't there some type of code? Like girl code, or some shit. Never mind the shitstorm it would bring with your job.” I wait patiently for his answer, because boy, do I have a code I’m breaking, and if there isn't one, I’m going to be pissed I wasted so much time.
“Scarlett is my best friend, and I tell her everything. I'm just gonna be, like, please let me do this, and she’ll be like, noooo, and I'll tell her she can drive my car for a week, and then I’ll be in Maddie’s bed that night. Easy. As for work, don’t sweat it, I got this. He looks at my face, as it is doing all the talking, while I stay silent. Right, so about this communicating thing, I’ll just tell him, just like he just did.I like your sister a lot, more than I can put into words, and I want to date her. How would you feel?“Hey, Levi, I–”
“Yo, Cap, Coach, let's talk run down, we are about fifteen minutes away, LET'S GET PUMPED!!” Kyle screams in the back of the bus, followed by the rest of the team, “WHAT ARE WEGONNA DO?!” Kyle shouts, “WIN!” He stands up, “WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!?” The rest of the team stands up, “WIN, WIN, WIN!”Fuck, I’ll tell him later.
We sit all facing each other, talking about the game plan and how we will win. I love leading the team. It’s not just being a part of something; it’s making it happen.
The field is nice, packed with fans from the opposing team. It is good to see school spirit, even if they are cheering for the wrong side. We take the outfield first. We are down two points with one more inning to go, cutting it close. We have made eight home runs, three of which were hit by Nathan; he’s on fire tonight, and two were mine.
The inning ends, and the crowd still cheers for their school, even having lost by four points. Walking to the bus, I catch Levi talking to a player from the opposing team. He nods and smiles before running over to me. “Party, at his place. He said we could come. Wanna go chase some Jaguar tail?” He kicks the dirt and shuffles for his baseball bag.
He looks at me, giving his, don't ditch me eyes. “Fuck it— let's goooo.” He jumps around like a kid who got a damn treat.
Quickly, I take out my phone and text Scar.
Me
