“What can I do?” I ask him gently, ignoring the way my heart rate picks up the longer I hold his hand in mine. Zayn shudders, like he’s experiencing the same reaction, and looks up to meet my eyes. In his, I see heat. Desire. Maybe something else that he can see reflected in mine, but we are both yet to admit.
“You’re already doing it,” he says, flipping our joined hands over. He runs a thumb over my palm and I can’t focus on much except the little shockwaves that are erupting from where he’s touching me.
“Oh?” I ask absently, getting lost in the depth of his gaze. “And what’s that?”
“Distracting me.”
I decide on a whim to do something, and without further thought, I release his hand and stand, my heart hammering so hard in my chest it’s almost painful. I move between his chair and the desk, then wrap my arms around his neck andslowly lower myself on to his lap until I’m straddling him. The move is so forward, so bold, so unlike anything I’ve ever done before that I start to tremble. Zayn’s gaze widens for a moment before his large hands move to cradle my hips.
“Gianna,” he says, almost choked as his eyes search my face. “What are you -”
I bring my lips to his, cutting off his words. His lips are so soft, so pliant under my own as I kiss him gently, careful not to hurt the split in the corner of his mouth. His hands grip my hips tighter and heat floods to my core like a pool of lava as Zayn gently deepens the kiss, tentatively exploring as he runs his warm tongue along the seam of my lips. I melt into him. My chest moulds to his, and I slip deeper into his lap as I mirror his movements and send my tongue to meet his. A shiver erupts down my spine. I can’t hear a thing over thewhooshof blood in my ears. My skin feels hot, so hot that I get a sudden overwhelming urge to take layers of clothes off, but I don’t. Instead, I wrap my arms tighter around Zayn’s neck until he can’t pull back from my grasp even if he wanted to, and before I know I’m even doing it, my tongue thrusts it’s way into his mouth.
Oh my God. This is happening. My first kiss.
It is even better than anything I could have ever imagined. Amongst all the sorrow that weighs heavy between us, my heart tries to soar, fluttering so hard with little bursts of happiness that I can’t tell which feeling wins out. In fact, as I start to unwittingly rock my pelvis against Zayn’s lap, I’m so overcome with emotion I can feel the pricks of tears behind my eyes.
What the heck is happening to me?
Shocked, I pull away from Zayn and we are both panting as though we just finished running cross-country. We stareat each other wide-eyed, and I put my hands on his chest to steady myself.
“Gia, are you okay?” He asks, and it takes me a moment to realise the concern in his pinched brows is caused by the fact I have tears leaking down my face.
“Oh my God,” I gasp, rushing to wipe my cheeks with the sleeve of my jumper. “Yes, I’m okay. More than okay.” I sob through the now full-blown tears overflowing from my eyes. “I’m crying because… I’m… happy?” I sob, and it doesn’t even sound convincing to my ears. Zayn pulls back further and his hands move from my hips to my shoulders as he tries to steady me on his lap. He ducks his head to look up into my eyes. “Are you sure?”
‘Yes,” I nod. “I think. It feels weird to be happy when you look like this.” I reach up and cradle his face. “I’m also sad.”
His jaw tightens under my palm as he turns away. “I hate that he ruined our first kiss for you.”
Panic floods me. “No.” I pull his face back to mine. “Nothing could ruin that. That kiss was…” My voice dies off as I struggle to find the words for how great that kiss was. My hands are still shaking from the intensity of it.
“I know,” he says, pulling me into his chest as he wraps his arms firmly around my back.
“Incredible,” I finish anyway, with my cheek pressed against his chest and his chin resting on my hair.
“I felt it too.”
We stay like that for a moment before it hits me that I am still very much sittinginZayn’s lap, and a furious blush stains my cheeks. The lava in my belly hasn’t yet receded; in fact it only heats up more as I take in our positioning and that the only thing separating usthereis our clothes.
Doing…that…wasn’t something I ever even thoughtabout before I met Zayn. It was a distant thought. Something I wouldn’t think about until I met the right person.
Since I met Zayn? I’d be lying through my teeth if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind more than a few times. I move off his lap, take a seat on the desk directly behind me so I face Zayn, my swinging legs between his spread ones. His gaze hasn’t left my face, and I get the feeling he’s waiting to gauge my reaction to what just happened before he speaks.
NowI find the nerve to be shy, and I avert my eyes to my hands that I grasp in my lap. I don’t have any regrets what-so-ever, but I can’t believe I just did that.
“Now that’s what I call a distraction.”
I look up to find a huge, genuine smile planted on Zayn’s face. He is smiling so wide I get a rare glimpse of his gorgeous dimples, and as my skin starts to tingle all over, I admit to myself in this moment that I am falling truly, madly, irrevocably in love with this boy, and kissing him just became my new favourite hobby.
Zaynand I have been together for three blissful months when a harrowing sustainability project on deforestation has me vowing to never buy a print copy of a book again. One afternoon, after complaining all day that I have nothing new to read, Zayn takes me to the local library to borrow books. While I’m skimming the fiction section for my latest read, Zayn disappears to the front desk to speak to the librarian and comes sauntering back ten minutes later with one of those rare, genuine smiles on his face that shows off his dimples.
“You’re looking at Redwood Library’s newest employee,” he smirks, surprising me by waving employment papers infront of my face, and I can’t help the proud beam that spreads across my lips. “I just asked the librarian if they’re hiring and she employed me on the spot.”
“Awesome! What perks are there to dating Redwood Library’s newest employee?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his torso and tilting my chin up to rest on his chest. “Surely I get to borrow all the newest books first?”
“Among other things I’m sure,” he chuckles, running his fingers through my long ponytail and ducking his head for a kiss.
Zayn doesn’t say it,but I know what getting a job means to him. Suddenly he has his own money, albeit not much as he only works on weekends. But he no longer needs to rely on his mum to remember to buy groceries before she spends her entire welfare cheque on drugs and alcohol. He has a little bit more stability in his life. He buys a new school uniform. He starts coming to school with a packed lunch. He wears shoes that aren’t falling apart. It isn’t much, but I can see the difference in him, and it makes my heart swell with pride.
