She deadpans, waiting for me to fill her in.
“I met a guy last night, and I slept with him. That’s literally all there is to it,” I say, knowing she will absolutely not be satisfied with my answer. “I’m not dating. I’m not ready for that yet. Especially since I’m legally still married.” I pretend to watch the people filtering through to the table next to us as if my confession is not a big deal.
The waitress chooses that moment to approach and take our drink order, and I can tell by the way Anna continuously flicks her hair over her shoulder that she’s getting impatient to hear about what happened. I order a lycheemartini, not remembering until after the words leave my mouth that I was only going to stick to wine tonight.Fuck. With only a few hundred dollars left from selling off one of my Prada bags, I really need to watch what I spend. Anna orders the same, but I’m sure she just copied my order to move the waitress along.
“Where?” she asks.
“Where what?” I look down and fiddle with my purse again.
“Where did you meet this guy?” she asks, exasperated.
“At a hotel.”
Anna pauses, forcing me to look up. She’s eyeing me strangely, like I’m speaking to her in a different language, and I don’t blame her. Anna calls me every day, and I never once mentioned that I would be going to a hotel. I let out a long sigh, knowing I’m about to spill my guts to her. Anna has been such a good friend to me, and I haven’t always been honest with her about my relationships. I owe it to her now.
“I met with a stranger at a hotel last night and had sex with him.” My eyes are glued to her face, waiting for her reaction. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion.
“What do you mean? I’m going to need more information here.”
I decide to spill everything. About Angela, about all the offers that I declined. About the guy from last night, and why I accepted his offer. When I’m done, my cheeks burn hot with embarrassment. Our drinks arrive, giving Anna a moment to process what I’ve told her. It’s only now I realise how loud it’s gotten in here, and it seems more like a nightclub than a bar as the room fills to capacity and the DJ cranks up the volume on his remixed 90’s dance music.
“So,” Anna starts, looking down at her drink as sheswirls it around. “You thought that it would be a good idea for you, the girl who is allergic to non-monogamy, to become an escort?” She looks up at me, and after a long moment, we both start howling. We laugh until we’re both out of breath, tears streaming down our cheeks, and I wonder why I was ever afraid to tell Anna about it. All the tension seems to lift off my shoulders.
“Sorry,” she wheezes as we calm down, wiping under her eyes gently enough not to disturb her makeup. “That is just the last thing I was expecting you to say.”
“Trust me, I know,” I say, mirroring her movements. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“So why did you end up sleeping with him if you didn’t even keep the money?” There’s genuine interest sparking behind her eyes.
“I just wanted to do something wild, you know? Separate who I am now from the person I was six months ago. Plus, he was so bloody attractive I don’t think you could have paid me fifty grand to keep my hands off him.”
I definitely don’t feel like the same person I was in my marriage. Baby steps, but I feel like I’m finally heading in the right direction.
Anna tips her head back and laughs with her whole body. “I hear you, sister! Too bad he turned out to be an asshole.”
“Honestly, he was too hot tonotbe an asshole. Probably for the best how it turned out, really. No awkward goodbyes.”
“True. I can’t believe you pulled a Houdini while he was in the shower! That’s my usual M-O.”
I laugh, but Anna just looks at me with a small smile playing on her lips.
“What will you do now? You know you can do anythingyou want to do, yeah? Escorting is absolutely not the only thing you’re qualified for.” She stops and takes another sip of her martini before she adds, “In fact, I can’t think of anyone less qualified to be an escort than you.” Her smile shifts into a smirk over the rim of her cup and I can’t help but laugh again at how ludicrous the whole situation is.
Taking a guilty sip of my cocktail that I know I damn well can’t afford, I look around at the dancing crowd, pondering Anna’s question. Anna has forever been an independent woman, a force to be reckoned with. Even from when we met as teenagers, she’s always known what she wants and would never let anyone stand in her way of getting it, whether personal or professional. It’s how she’s already become the chief accountant at the IT company she works for. How can I possibly explain to her the extent of how much I allowed Daniel to take from me, both emotionally and physically? That not only did he snuff out any flame of ambition I had burning for myself, but he also managed to drain me of any self-belief I had that I was capable of becoming anything other than his wife.
The last six months have been like a bizarre limbo where I’ve been sludging through the muddy waters of my old life, trying to keep myself afloat while I navigate the way into my future. But how can I move ahead if I don’t know where I’m going?
I let out a heavy sigh.
Do I need to see a therapist to deal with my shit? Probably.
Can I afford one? Definitely not.
So instead I’ll settle for my best friend, whose voice now brings me back to our conversation.
“Gia? What will you do now?” she asks again, cocking her head to the side, her eyes soft.
“I don’t know, to be honest. But I know I want to dosomething, which is a start.” I take another sip. “Not escorting though.”
