Prologue
Six years ago…
I peer around the dumpster, and the world narrows to the metallic tang of fear in my mouth. My heart is banging against my ribs, each beat louder than the last. I shouldn’t be here, but there’s a face in my head that won’t let me walk away. Kenneth’s crooked grin, the glint in his eye, the way his hair looks like it’s been set on fire by the sun. My cousin was blond when he came to live with my father and me, but his locks grow curlier and more orange with each passing day.
Graffiti crawls over the brick like open wounds, tags layered on tags until nothing is legible. My leg bounces with a rhythm that tries to outrun my head, while the sirens slice the air and spit strobe lights across our faces in jagged bursts. They say the gang’s hitting multiple spots tonight, acting as distractions to keep the police chasing shadows while the real money moves. That part is down to me and the guy crouched by my side.
The plan is simple. Get in, grab what we can, get out. Yeah, right. Simple for seasoned robbers maybe, but we can barelystop our hands from shaking. We’re not ready for this, yet it’s happening anyway.
“Where are they?” Clayton asks for the fifth time. I don’t have an answer, only the hollow purpose that’s keeping me rooted in place. He’s another high school dropout also living on the hope of saving another from a similar fate. Although Clayton isn’t struggling to hide his trepidation like I am. I’m one jump scare away from shitting myself. I’d ask for tips on how to mask better but I’m certain he’s not in the mood for sharing. We just met for the first time a few streets away.
We’re the newbies tonight, being initiated at the ripe age of seventeen. I’ve always been told I’m older than my years, but I know I’m far too young for the decision I’ve made. To throw away the chance at a clean slate, to shackle myself to a life of crime. If there had been another option, I’d have thrown myself at it.
Unfortunately, the GDK gang operates like the military in a crisis. One man from each family is expected to join when he comes of age, if you want your family protected from outside threats, that is. The duty fell upon my cousin or me, and there was no way Kenneth would be able to handle it. He’s got his own shit to deal with.
The gate clangs as two shadows step off the street, striding towards us intentionally. I expected them, yet my body pulses into panic mode. The alley closes in on me like the tightening of a fist. Every sound becomes magnified, from the drip of a loose gutter, the distant wail of sirens, and the scuff of a shoe.
Khan reaches us first, mastering the weight of a heavy silence, his attire completely black. His balaclava cuts around ice-cold eyes and the ghost of a scar I’ve heard stories about. Vince follows, smaller and seemingly bored, as if this sort of thing is an average Tuesday for them. Khan hands us semi-automatics, the metal cold enough to make my fingers ache. He barks instructions that I struggle to keep up with.
“Shoot anyone who gets in your way. You don’t have long.” The lock clicks, the door to the jeweler’s picked and swung open. I stare at it, like the opening of a mouth that’s about to swallow me and my innocence whole. There’s no going back once I’ve stepped inside. Yet, mechanically, the threshold passes beneath my sneaker and the darkness consumes me. I’ve sealed my decision, and I’ve chosen to save Kenneth.
Pushing the gun into my pocket, I stride ahead of Clayton. Inside, the air is wrong. Thick and detached in the way rich places are, smelling faintly of polish instead of the rotten damp of my world. The building is silent, my ragged breathing filling the space as I navigate the hallways. I don’t know what I expected when I was studying the blueprint in the safety of my bedroom, but the reality of what I’m doing is crushing my courage to dust.
I stop to stand before the huge, bolted vault door. My hand trembles as I punch the code I was given, the wheel turning with a groan of metal scraping against metal. The ease with which it opens is startling in itself. My eyes dart around the contents as if anticipating a squad of police officers to burst out. There’s nothing but an eerie silence, and the realization that the GDK’s inside man has turned off the security alarms as promised.
Instead, floor-to-ceiling drawers line the room like rows of teeth, each one holding the ruin of those who have worked their fingers to the bone for the contents. They’re our objective, yet as I look around, it’s the glowing of a red button just inside the door that catches my attention. I know what that is. A panic switch in the event of a heist just like this one. My heart ceases to beat. The sight of that button sets my stomach into a new kind of motion.
I tell myself I’m not a saint. I tell myself whatever I need for my hands to stop shaking, but I’ve grown up watching men build things from nothing. I’ve watched my father go to the garage day and night, sweat pouring down his face as he works until his hands bled. Just to put food on the table. Just so I could have a better life.
He taught me to survive by working hard, not by taking what we need. He’d be ashamed if he could see me. He’d tell me there’s another way. Tonight, survival may look like stealing, but it’s about keeping Kenneth far away from the GDK. He’s too vulnerable, too easily persuaded. He’s just a boy whose laugh never matches the sadness behind his eyes, and he’s my blood.
Noticing Clayton is hovering behind me, his eyes barely registering the drawers surrounding us, I can sense he’s also slipping. His mind is backtracking, his feet inching towards the exit. My heart jumps into my throat, and without thinking it through, I make a snap decision.
“Don’t just stand there, empty them out!” I shout with more conviction than I feel. Snapping out of his trance, Clayton starts filling a duffel, his movements sudden and efficient, adrenaline bringing confidence. I follow his rhythm at first, copying the action so I can hide the tremor in my hands, letting my fingers move as if they belong here. I empty drawers until my bag is heavy, the clink of gems and jewels like dull music in my ears. I can’t focus on much beyond the idea that I’m buying my cousin a free pass.
I picture him, lying awake on our mattress and talking to himself animatedly. I think about packing him up at dawn and dragging him to a place where nobody thinks of him as collateral damage. I picture freedom as a coach ticket with a new name scrawled on the back. My thoughts turn desperate, awareness prickling my brain.
Looking over my shoulder to see Clayton fully invested in looting the place, I shift back to the entrance, the button shining like a beckon. There’s a reason they send the newbies in and let the official members hang back. We’re collateral damage. An easy loss if we don’t have what it takes. I know now, I don’t. I can’t let this life swallow me whole and deliver me to hell before I have the chance to stop it.
Maybe it’s not too late to find a way out of this unscathed, but the GDK won’t simply let me walk away. They will need to blame someone. Someone to be accountable for this fuck-up. I’m sorry Clayton, but I won’t be the fall guy. That’s the only thought I have when I smash my fist into the red button.
It doesn’t make a sound at first. It simply sinks, an unremarkable motion that feels like stepping off a cliff. Then everything explodes into motion. A howl from the vault alarm, the scream of a red light blinking like a bleeding wound, the clatter of doors and the frantic footfall of men who suddenly realize the safety net has been pulled. Khan shouts from the doorway, a command to retreat. My feet are already moving, the duffle dumped and forgotten.
I don’t look back until the alley spits me out into cold air, strobing police lights already nearing. Opening my mouth with an excuse, a bold-faced lie that Clayton triggered the alarm, I find myself looking down the wrong end of a handgun. Not a single word leaves from my tongue before the crack splits the night in two and the world tilts.
Kenneth’s face flashes in my head, large brown eyes that are too trusting, too careless in their innocence. I promised to be right back. I promised to save him.
Chapter One
I thought I knew what fear was. Thought I’d mastered it. Thought I could handle whatever is thrown my way because I’ve survived worse. But knowing what fear is doesn’t mean I’m immune to it, or that I understand how to channel the emotion into something useful. It just means I know when I’m beat.
Darkness presses in on all sides, swallowing me whole. Pitch-black presses in from all sides, not a crack of light to be seen. I don’t know where I am, who took me, or what they plan to do, yet it’s the loneliness I can’t stand the most. The unbearable thought that I’ve awoken from the lie that I’m content being on my own. That I don’t need anyone. I do need people. I need Rhys and Clay, and even Addy. I need my aunt and anyone else who cares about me. Instead, what I have are broken dreams and a heart that is torn to pieces.
I keep replaying that night over and over. I stood in the most beautiful gown I’ve ever worn, staring into the eyes of two men who were silently pleading with me to make an impossible choice. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t exist with only one, because no matter who I chose, someone would be left bleeding.
Maybe that’s why I’m lying here, on my back in desolate isolation, believing it’s what I deserve. I couldn’t choose one, so I broke them both and myself in the process. It was the inevitable outcome, yet I walked down that path anyway, leading them on and pretending I had a future with both.
But, even after all my self-loathing, I don’t regret it. I couldn’t lie to myself, not then and certainly not now. From Clay’s strong, protective arms that shielded me to Rhys’ cocky grin that warmed me, my heart wanted what it wanted. Apparently, she’s a greedy bitch. A bitter smile curves my lips despite the muted ache in my chest. For one moment in time, I was loved, completely and fiercely. That’s more than some people get in an entire lifetime. I should be grateful.
