If she says no, I’ll drive away without another word. The second she nods, I’m unbuckling my seatbelt like it’s a foregone conclusion that I’m coming inside with her. I circle around and open her door, offering my hand. She gets out and I fall into step beside her.
There’s no sign in or paperwork required, just a quick scan of her ID. A nurse leads us into a private room with a small exam table with stirrups, a chair, and a sink. One side is lined with different medical equipment while the opposite wall is lined with locked cabinets. She takes in the room warily.
My eyes hit the stirrups and I turn back to the nurse. “That’s not how we’re doin’ this.”
“Sir, it’s standard procedure.” She purses her lips glaring at me irritably. She’s a middle aged woman with brown eyes, grayhair, and a name tag that reads, ‘Nancy.’ “You’re more than welcome to wait outside if you’re going to be difficult.”
Before I can respond, Seriph beats me to it. “I also need a pregnancy test completed, please.”
I stiffen, for her to ask means she hasn’t had a period yet. And although I bought her the morning after pill, it’s not fool proof. My jaw is clenched so hard I’m surprised my teeth don’t break. The idea that she’s been carrying that alone, makes me want to contact the cartel to see if the dumbass is still alive so I can torture him again. The nurse looks from me to Seriph with an expression that’s a mix between understanding and frustration.
She pulls a gown and blanket from a cabinet. “Take everything off and cover yourself with the blanket. Make yourself comfortable.” She hands the items to Seriph. “I’ll get a pregnancy test ordered. The doctor will be in to do your STI screening and exam.” She shoots me one last warning look before stepping out.
Seriph sets the gown down and removes her clothes. Her fingers are trembling. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy on her but I’m not sure I really understood the cost.
“Easy, Sunshine.” Crossing the short distance, I close my hands over hers.
“I’m being ridiculous.” She sighs, looking down at the gown like it’s going to burn her.
I tie the back of the gown, then help her on the table. “Nah, you’re worried. There’s nothin’ ridiculous about it.” I tuck the blanket around her legs, making sure it covers her lap. “Just breathe.” My knuckles glide over her cheek.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. I stand beside her, my hands resting beside her thighs. I wish I could distract her from the footsteps crossing the linoleum hallway outside or the rustle of latex gloves andpaperwork from the nurses station. But the only thing I can do is stand as a steady sentinel, ready to be here for her in any way she needs me.
A knock sounds at the door, and a moment later, the doctor and nurse step into the room. Nancy carries a tray with a few small vials while the doctor holds a clipboard and some paperwork.
“We’re gonna take some blood first, sweetie." Nancy gestures for me to move out of the way, but I refuse to budge. “Sir, we need space to—”
“Not goin’ anywhere.” I cut her off, trying not to snarl.
The nurse huffs but doesn’t argue further. The doctor, a middle-aged man with kind eyes and wire framed glass, gives me an assessing look before nodding.
“Alright then, let’s get started.” He speaks directly to Seriph in a professional tone. “We’ll do the blood draw first for the STI panel and pregnancy test. Then we’ll proceed with the swabs and exam. Everything will be as quick and painless as possible.”
Nancy’s gloved hands move efficiently as she preps Seriph’s arm for the blood draw. I move to the other side of the exam table to stand at her side instead of between her legs. My fingers tighten around hers when the needle goes in. But she doesn’t even flinch. The nurse takes multiple vials with practiced ease.
“Blood draws are done. You’re doing great. We’ll get these sent off to the lab and begin the swab process while we wait for results. You should have them within thirty minutes.” He reaches for a pair of gloves. “Just need you to put your feet in the stirrups for me and move to the edge of the table.”
She squeezes my hand and holds her breath. I stroke her knuckles with my thumb. My voice is low. “Breathe, Sunshine. Eyes on me.” I shift to block her view of the doctor’s movements with my frame, forcing her to focus on me instead. My free hand lifts to cradle her cheek. “Breathe, good. Just like that.”
The doctor waits a moment for me to calm her down, before nudging her knees apart and grabbing a tool from the tray beside the exam table.
“Nancy is going to swab the inside of your mouth while I perform the pelvic exam. You’ll feel a little pressure and some discomfort, but it shouldn’t hurt.” He gives her a reassuring smile, then nods at the nurse. She swabs the inside of her mouth with a long swab. “Next step is the speculum. You’re gonna feel some coldness and pressure. Let me know if it hurts. We can go slow and as easy as you need. Tell me if you need to stop.”
He lubes the speculum and uses it to spread her vaginal canal, holding it in place as he works. Her eyes close and she fights back tears. I want to tell him to stop but I’m letting her lead. I continue to stroke her cheek, trying to calm the storm of anxiety I know has to be swirling inside her. The rest of the exam passes in a blur. I stay rooted to her side, whispering encouraging words, my hand firmly in hers. I don’t know how long I’ll last before I rip him from between her legs and throw him out a window.
The doctor finally steps back and snaps off his gloves. “All done,” he quips. “Results for the rapid tests will be back shortly. The rest will take a few days to a couple weeks. And you should come back for a follow up HIV test in about three months and then again at six.”
I help her sit up, my hand running up and down her back. “Told you we’d get through it.”
I feel stupid for saying we because we didn’t get through anything, she did. She did it bravely, and like she does most things, without complaint. I don’t know how else to tell her I’m in this with her for as long as she’ll let me.
“You did well,” Nancy says as she starts cleaning up. “Most people hate coming to these appointments, but you held up good.” She shoots her a smile before handing her a small whitecup. “Last part is a urine sample, sweetie. Think you can handle that?”
Seriph nods and takes the cup from her. She disappears into the bathroom. When she comes back out, I hold out her clothes.
“Thank you,” she says quietly.
“Don’t ever thank me for bein’ there when you need me. You’re the best damn decision I ever made.” The second she’s fully dressed I pull her to me. My chin drops to rest on the top of her head, my arms closing tightly around her like I can form some kind of protective barrier between her and the rest of the world. “You sure you’re alright though?”
