Chapter 1
Collision
Jonah
Ithwack the bottle against my palm to get every drop of lotion, before I give up and ask the dressing room, “Does anyone have extra body glitter? I ran out.”
Dylan tosses me his stash and gives me a funny look. “We’re supposed to be firemen for our next set. Why do you want glitter?”
“The older ladies tip better when I wear it.”
He snorts. “That’s because they’re still holding on to theirTwilightfantasies.”
“What’s that?”
“Twilight? The teen romance fantasy book-turned-blockbuster hit? It’s got like werewolves and vampires. Do you really not know that movie?”
I hate it when this happens. Yet another movie reference I don’t get. I chronically disappoint people when they realize I’m serious. Often I pretend to know what they’re talking about and give them a friendly smile and nod. It’s amazing how people like you so much more when you’re in on a joke or reference.
Before Dylan can ask any more questions, Robbie bursts through the door with the subtlety of an elephant. “Who’s feeling lucky?” He waves around a small stack of papers and dances his way to me. “Jonah,” he croons, and dangles a Mega Millions lottery ticket while seductively sliding down the zipper of his hoodie. “You know you wanna.”
Robbie and I went out briefly a fewmonths ago. After realizing a good portion of my family is queer, I thought I’d try my hand at dating men. So, I downloaded Grindr and had a surprising amount of interest! Who knew so many men were interested in a blond, six-foot-three rugby player stripper?
When I saw Robbie on the app, I got so excited I almost swiped the wrong way. He’s always been super nice, and, like, obviously hot. A total catch.
He understood I was dipping my toes into the gay pool and took things slow. So after three dinner dates, he leaned me against my front door and I ducked down in a fit of giggles, with an alarming sense of NONONO. We called it off with no hard feelings.
Turns out I’m not queer, but not for a lack of trying.
Things may not have worked out with Robbie, but I am a lucky guy. In my twenty-five years on this earth, I have won two brand new cars, charmed—and stripped—my way through college, I have the ear to play almost any instrument, I can find a four-leaf clover in almost any field, and I have the best family ever. Sure, it sucks that my mom died when I was a little kid, but I’m fortunate to have a big family: my dad, my two brothers, and two sisters.
Good looks and a captivating smile have taken me far—even with law enforcement. I’ve skirted almost every traffic ticket. Heck, I should have had my license taken away by the state of Pennsylvania by now, but the joke’s on them—I don’t even know where it is.
There was also this one time I called Pabst Blue Ribbon’s customer service hoping they would sponsor our rugby team. They ended up not only sponsoring us, but sending me and three friends on an all-expenses-paid trip to Las Vegas. I got a free shirt too! I lost all my money in the casinos, but on the taxi ride to the airport, I found a bag of casino chips worth ten thousand dollars on the floor of the cab.
Pretty sweet trip if you ask me.
“The jackpot is $540 million,” Robbie says, and the next thing I know, I’m handing him a fiver from my stash and slipping the ticket in my wallet.
“Alright, boys,” Kim, our manager, says as she walks into the room. She hands each of us a firefighter helmet for our routine. “We have a full house tonight, no thanks to my marketing skills. Ian and Robbie, I want you to take the bachelorette party on stage right. Dylan and Anthony, you’re stage left. Jonah, smackdab in the middle.”
These are our positions after we perform our group dance and we disperse throughout the crowd. Hearing them go wild when we step off stage and seek willing victims is my favorite part of any shift. The energy is sky-high, and the excitement pulsing through the room is unmatched.
I love my job. Who wouldn’t want to work at Strip Tease, America’s only strip club slash hair salon?
No one in my personal life knows I’m a stripper. I’ve always been vague about what I do because my family already thinks I’m a screwup that flits through life banking on good looks.
They’re not entirely wrong, but that’s beside the point.
Stripping is how I’ve paid my bills since college. It’s how I afford to play rugby. Right now is the off-season, but spring is almost here, and with it, new dues, money for travel... it all adds up. Thankfully I can still swing shifts around rugby and it doesn’t mess with my sleep schedule too much.
The sport I love definitely keeps me in shape for my job, though. Honestly it’s a win-win.
I'm pleasantly surprised when I look out from the stage to find Kim wasn’t lying—the club is at capacity. Her voice comes back to me, reminding me I’ll be front and center once the first part of our group dance is over.
When familiar music plays, my body takes over. Dancinghas always come easy for me, the same way playing rugby and making music do. Once my body grabs the rhythm, the choreographed moves feel like an answer. What I lack in book smarts I make up for in musical prowess.
After a couple of sets, I head back to the changing room while Donovan and Jax do some solo work. As they’re wrapping up and collecting their cash, the rest of us get in position on stage.
