“You don’t even identify as a woman!” she retorts.
“But Ilovewomen! And your team is so cool, Brittany. Mine sucks. Let’s put it to a vote! Text your whole team right now and ask them if I can join.”
The woman, Brittany I guess, takes a moment to stare at him, contemplating. She lifts her hands and rests them on his shoulders. “I’ll text them, if you can shotgun a tallboy with me and beat me.”
He points his finger at her as his eyes lock in. “You’re on.”
I can’t help but chuckle at this bizarre situation I’ve found myself on the periphery of. I watch the guy order two Pabst Blue Ribbon tallboy cans and take off his dress coat, revealing a maroon sweater and jeans.
Still too nice to be in this bar.
When the bartender hands them their cans, he spins around and hands them to Brittany, who takes out her keys and punctures a large hole at the bottom of each can. She looks at me and asks, “Hey man, would you mind being an impartial judge for this?”
Amused, I turn ninety degrees to watch the show. “Sure.” Each of them hold their thumb over the hole and ready themselves as I announce, “On your mark. Get set. Drink.”
They each crack open the pull tab and start chugging the light beer, errant drips of liquid pouring out around their mouths. Within three seconds, Brittany is the winner by a long shot.
The guy, Jay, finishes his beer a couple seconds after her. When he comes up for air, he looks over at me with a look of resignation. “Okay, I know I lost, but was it at least close?”
I give him a smile. “No, man. She smoked ya.”
“I’ve been smoking you since college, Jay. How have you never learned?”
“I’m a hopeless optimist with a competitive streak.”
Brittany’s focus moves from Jay’s to over his shoulder. “Hang on… there’s a girl over there checking me out.” She smirks, “I’ll be right back. Let me go see what she’s about.” She saunters over to the woman in question at the far end of the bar and leans against the counter to talk to her.
Jay shakes his head and turns to face me, rolling his eyes. “I love her, but she will ditch me any chance she can for pussy.” He sticks out his hand toward me and gives me a megawatt smile. It’s strikingly white compared to his tan skin. “We didn’t actually meet. Hi, I’m Jay.”
I grab hold of his hand and shake it. “Marco. Nice to meet ya.”
“So what do you do, Marco?”
I lower my chin and tug at my sweatshirt. “I’m in the Army. I’m between deployments right now.”
“Oh, shit. Thank you for your service, man.”
“Yeah. How about you?” I don’t know what is compelling me to want to keep talking to him, but I do.
“I work in Human Resources.Today,I got to watch someone publicly defecate in our building’s lobby because they were angry about being fired moments earlier.”
My mouth hangs ajar as my eyes round. “Are you kidding me?”
He shakes his head with a smirk. “I wish I was. Last week, a used condom was found in one of the bathrooms, so I had to send out an email to the entire company reminding them about our strict ‘Don’t have sex at the office’policy.”
Chuckling, I add, “I don’t know, sparks can fly around the water cooler.”
“Oh, I’m not saying the idea of office sex isn’t hot, but you know… dispose of the evidence.”
“A rookie mistake.”
“You hate to see it.” Jay says with a matching smile to mine. He glances over my shoulder, excitement lights up his face and he grabs my elbow. “The pool table is open! Let’s go.”
With my stupid grin, I stand up but hold still to grab my pitcher and together we dodge drunk buzzards to get to the worn, green-felt table.
“Are you any good?” I ask, pouring myself a beer as Jay puts quarters into the slot.
“Not at all. But again, I’m a hopeless optimist with a competitive streak. You’d think with how well I understand math and physics, I’d be better.”
