Eric had killed people today. For me. Actually taken lives because someone threatened mine.
"How do you wrap your head around it?" I asked quietly. "Jackson's done things too. Violent things. For you, for his family. How do you make peace with that?"
Elena was quiet for a long moment. "I don't know if you ever fully make peace with it. But I know that Jackson would never hurt someone who didn't deserve it. And I know that the alternative, letting bad people do bad things, is worse."
I pulled my knees up to my chest. "Eric shot those men today. Killed them. And I should probably be horrified, right? But mostly I'm just... grateful. Which probably says something terrible about me."
"It says you're human," Elena said firmly. "It says you understand that sometimes violence is the only thing that stops worse violence."
"A human who is glad that two men are dead," I murmured. "He killed for me, to save me. God, what does that make me?"
"Safe," Elena said simply. "It makes you safe."
This was the truth of being with Eric. The darkness of it, the bloodiness of it. But it also showed what he was willing to do for me. To protect me. I wanted to focus on that instead.
We sat in silence for a while, the television playing some mindless show neither of us watched. My phone buzzed again, but it wasn't Eric this time. It was Meredith.
Are you two okay? I'm stuck at the estate with Leo sorting through everything. Want to come over tomorrow?
We're fine. Tomorrow sounds good.
Sofia will join us too. We can all stay together, keep each other sane. She can bring Marcello too, give you guys some baby cuddles to distract you.
Perfect. See you then.
"Meredith's inviting us over tomorrow," I told Elena. "With Sofia and the baby."
"Good," Elena said. "I could use the distraction."
We ended up watching terrible reality TV until our eyes grew heavy, then moved to Elena's bedroom. She climbed into one side of the bed while I took the other, both of us seeking comfort in not being alone.
"Remember when our biggest worry was whether Anna would find out we ate her hidden chocolate?" I said into the darkness.
Elena laughed softly. "Or when we thought we were so clever sneaking out to meet those boys at the pier, only to have Mom waiting on the porch when we got back."
"Your face was priceless," I said, smiling despite everything. "You looked like you'd seen a ghost."
"I had! Anna in full disapproval mode was terrifying." Elena shifted, her voice growing wistful. "Remember how we used to talk about our futures, create these wonderful lives with fake men and families?"
"And then we'd argue about who had the bigger mansion and pool, or the best behaved kids?"
We both giggled, the sound feeling strange and precious in the heavy darkness.
But gradually, our laughter faded. The silence stretched between us, comfortable but weighted. I knew we were both thinking the same thing, about the men who weren't here, who were out there somewhere in danger because of us.
I closed my eyes, willing sleep to come, trying not to think about Eric risking his life in the shadows. Beside me, Elena's breathing had grown quiet and uneven, and I suspected she was doing the same thing with thoughts of Leo.
Eventually, exhaustion won out over worry, and I drifted off to the sound of her restless sighs.
Morning came like an unwelcome alarm, slicing through the slit in the curtains. I woke to the smell of coffee and found Elena already up, sitting at her kitchen counter with her phone clutched in her hand like a lifeline.
"Anything?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Jackson texted an hour ago saying he's okay, but that's it. You?"
I checked my phone. Nothing from Eric since last night. My stomach knotted at that. The silence felt wrong, like a held breath that had gone on too long.
"Nothing."
