I showered and dressed in jeans and a soft sweater, something comfortable and unremarkable. My reflection in the mirror looked tired, dark circles under my eyes despite the sleep. I covered them with concealer and pulled my dyed red hair into a messy bun.
Coffee. I'd get a coffee for now, because the thought of eating didn't appeal to me, and drinking came with the possibility of stupid choices. I didn't need that right now given my circumstances.
The Starbucks drive-through line moved slowly, giving me time to second-guess my entire plan. But I needed this. Space. Clarity. A chance to figure out what the hell I actually wanted.
With my overpriced latte in hand, I drove to a small park on the outskirts of the city. It was the kind of place families brought their kids, where the biggest drama was someone's dog getting loose or a toddler throwing a tantrum over ice cream.
Normal. Safe. Everything my life wasn't.
I found a bench away from the playground, secluded and peaceful, set my coffee beside me, and just breathed. The air was crisp, carrying the scent of cut grass and autumn leaves. A couple walked by with their golden retriever, the dog's tail wagging as it stopped to sniff every tree.
This was the life I'd always thought I'd have eventually. Not the white picket fence necessarily, but something stable. Something that didn't involve looking over my shoulder orwondering if the man I cared about would come home in one piece.
A partner who didn't beat me or berate me, a man who just loved me for me, flaws and all.
Eric's face filled my mind. The way he'd looked at me in the alley, desperate and raw. The way he'd sounded on the phone last night, offering me space even though I knew it killed him.
Did I care about him? Yes. That much was undeniable. My body had responded to him like no time had passed, like those four years apart had been nothing more than a blink.
But was caring enough? Was chemistry enough?
I sipped my latte, watching a little girl chase pigeons across the grass in the distance. Her mother sat nearby, scrolling through her phone without a care in the world beyond making sure her kid didn't wander too far.
That could never be me if I chose Eric. I'd always be watching, always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. The Malatestas, rival families, deals gone wrong. Any number of threats could come for him, and by extension, for me.
But then I thought about Elena. She'd been kidnapped because of her connection to the Donatis, dragged into a nightmare that should have broken her. Sure, I'd been caught up in that too, and yet, she still chose Jackson. She'd come out stronger and built something real despite the danger.
Sofia had walked away from her family only to return, to lead them, to reshape them into something better. She'd done it with Grayson at her side, their love surviving everything thrown at them.
Meredith had recovered memories of abuse, faced down threats, and still chose to stay with Leo. To build a life in his world.
They were all brave. Braver than I felt sitting on this park bench, hiding from the choice I knew I had to make.
The question wasn't really whether I could handle Eric's world. The question was whether I wanted to. Whether what we had was worth the risk.
Whether I thought I could handle it without setting it all on fire.
I pulled out my phone and stared at Eric's number. I could call him right now, ask him to meet me here, have the conversation Sofia had suggested. Get all the details, all the truths, everything he'd been holding back.
Or I could delete his number and walk away. Protect myself the way he'd tried to protect me four years ago.
My finger hovered over his name.
A breeze rustled the leaves above me, carrying with it the distant sound of children's laughter. Life, simple and basic, happening all around me. A life I could have if I chose it.
But when I closed my eyes, all I saw was Eric. His dark eyes, the intensity in them when he looked at me. The way his hands had felt on my skin, the promises in his touch.
I'd spent four years trying to forget him, trying to move on. And in one weekend, he'd unraveled every defense I'd built.
Maybe that meant something. Maybe it meant everything.
I finished my latte and stood, tossing the cup in a nearby trash can. The park felt smaller suddenly, the normal life less appealing than it had when I'd arrived.
With Eric, I could have everything. Him, the world, everything I could only dream of.
I left the main path and headed toward the small river that wound through the park's quieter section. Away from the playground, away from the families and picnickers, where only the occasional jogger or dog walker passed by. I needed the sound of running water, the whisper of nature to help clear my head.
I turned over every angle in my mind as I walked. The risks, the rewards, the terrifying possibility that I might actually be falling for someone who could destroy me.
