"The rough sex?"
She swatted my chest. "Well, yes. But I meant this. Just... being with you."
My chest constricted. "I missed it too."
"You were always so calm," she continued. "Even when I was losing my mind over something stupid, you'd just sit there and let me rant until I burned myself out."
"Someone had to be the calm one."
"And I was your fire."
"You still are."
"Sometimes you knew the way to fix the problem was to fuck me senseless. Distract me," she said with a devilish smirk.
"It was my favorite way of making your problems disappear."
She lifted her head to look at me, her red hair falling across her face. I brushed it back, tucking it behind her ear.
"What are we doing, Eric?" Her voice was quiet. Uncertain. "I know you said that if you have to leave, you'll tell me. You won't just disappear. You'll come back. So does that mean you want this to become something real? Something more? How can that possibly work after everything? I don't know how to let the past go, to find my trust again?"
"I don't know." The honest answer. "But I know I don't want to stop. That I'll do anything to prove it to you now. To show you I'm a man of my word. That I was stupid before, and that not staying with you was my greatest regret."
She bit her lip, and I could see the war playing out behind her eyes. Hope versus fear. Trust versus self-preservation.
"I was your greatest regret? I'm wild, Eric. Chaotic, an absolute mess sometimes."
She had no idea that those words meant nothing to me. She saw herself as a problem, and yet I saw her as an answer. A reason. Something that made me want to wake up and live.
"Yes, but you're my mess. A chaotic, wild, fiery woman who brings me so much joy, a reason to seize life. You say you're amess, but if that's the case, you're a mess I'll gladly be a part of, if you let me try."
The smile that spread across her face was one of relief. Relief that I didn't see her the way she thought she would be seen.
"What if we're just fooling ourselves?" she asked. "What if we're trying to recapture something that's already gone?"
"Then we figure it out together." I cupped her face. "Or we crash and burn spectacularly. Either way, at least we'll know."
She let out a sweet laugh as she shook her head. "That's a terrible sales pitch."
"I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm just being honest."
She studied me for a long moment, then settled back against my chest. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. Okay." She traced circles on my sternum. "We'll see where this goes. But Eric, if you hurt me again?—"
"I know."
"I'm serious. I'll burn your car or steal your credit cards."
I laughed at her threats, although I also didn't doubt that she could do such a thing if she was burned.
"So am I." I tightened my arms around her. "I won't make promises I can't keep. But I can promise I'll try. That's all I've got."
She didn't respond, but she didn't pull away either. We lay there in comfortable silence, the rest of the world forgotten.
The morning drifted by in a haze of conversation, memories, and touch. We talked about everything and nothing. We spoke about things we'd done before, things we'd done since we'd separated. I told her of my visit to England, to see family and bury Daniel on the family estate. A place she wanted to visit one day.
