“Move,” I murmur.
He doesn’t, not at first, then he finally steps aside, his hand brushing mine as I pass.
I groan when I step back outside, realising he’s right behind me. The rain pummels against my skin, plastering my hair to my face as I cross the car park.
“So, you’d rather owe a man whobeatyou? Who killed your mum?” he demands, falling into step beside me.
“At least I know what to expect from him,” I shout, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. “You—” My voice cracks. “You make me think I matter, and then you take it all away. That kind of pain’s worse than anything he could ever do.”
Shadow’s face tightens like I’ve just hit him, but I don’t let myself stop. “So, yeah, I’d rather owe him because I already survived him once.”
Shadow’s fists clench. “Remi—”
“Don’t,” I cut in, shaking my head. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
“There are other options.”
I spin to face him, both of us glaring at one another. “Where?” I scream. “What options?” I wait a beat before continuing. “Girls like me don’t have many of those,” I almost whisper. “If it’s not Colin, it’ll be another man trying to take something from me. Money. My mother. My love. I don’t have anything else, Shadow.I can’t give anything else. So, please, just let me go and pretend I never came crashing into your life.”
“What did you promise him?” he asks as I slip through the gate.
I turn back, my fingers gripping the metal. “Me,” I say simply. “He just wants me.”
I turn on my heel and get into the car, slamming the door and leaning my head back. I take a few deep breaths.
Colin grins, his eyes glinting. “Knew you’d see sense,” he says.
I don’t reply. I just stare straight ahead as he pulls away from the clubhouse, leaving behind the only man who ever made me believe I could be more than what Colin turned me into.
The drive is quiet. Colin doesn’t turn on the radio and he doesn’t speak. He keeps one grubby hand on the wheel while the other holds his cigarette, and when I risk a side glance, I see his jaw is tense, like he’s holding back the words until he can really lay into me.
The closer we get, the tighter my chest becomes. The council estate hasn’t changed. Dim streetlights. Broken fences. Houses sagging like they’ve given up, pretty much like most people around here.
And then my childhood home comes into view, and the car stops right outside. The white paint is yellowed now, peeling like scabbed skin. One window is cracked, and the wooden frames look mouldy and rotten. The garden is waist-high in grass and weeds, with a single path leading to the door now covered in moss. Christ, it’s worse than I remember.
Colin steps out like a king returning to his castle. I stay seated until he taps the window with two knuckles. “Come on, princess. Welcome home.”
The smell of the living room hits me first—smoke, sweat, stale beer.
A group of his mates are slouched around, eyes hazy, ashtrays overflowing. A woman I don’t recognise is passed out on the sofa, naked, with one arm hanging off the side. And for a second, I wonder if she’s even alive, but then her chest suddenly rises, and I release a shuddering breath.
Music thuds from the TV, its bass rattling the walls. It’s so loud, they don’t even notice we’ve entered.
It’s not the house I grew up in. At least, not how I remember it. Because even though my mum spent all her time pleasing men, she always tried to run a clean home. Even on the days she spent crying with a broken heart, cleaning gave her purpose, kept her mind busy.
Colin spreads his arms, a huge fake grin on his face. “Home sweet home.”
I don’t step past the doorway. “You’ve let it go,” I say quietly.
He glances around like he’s seeing it for the first time Then shrugs. “Not my job to clean. That was your mother’s.” His eyes slide to me. “A woman’s place and all that. So, get to work.”
Something cold settles inside me. “I’m not doing that,” I say softly.
The room goes still, and one of his friends turns the volume down on the television.
Colin steps closer, his cigarette burning between his fingers. “What did you say to me?”
My pulse thuds in my ears as his stale breath fans over my face. I force myself to hold eye contact. “I said I’m not cleaning up after you.”
