“I don’t know all the details, but no, the man is not well. He’s been weak from effects of the accident since it took place just over a decade ago, but has steadily declined over the past year, and Alice seems terrified to do anything that will cause him distress or strain.”
“I think I understand now why she was so reluctant to consider any path other than that which her father desired for her.” Ethan had clearly seen the impact of the news on her face the moment she’d read it. He knew what the letter would portend before Priscilla read it aloud, perhaps not the exact reason why Alice had announced her departure, but an understanding of the gravity she felt and the sense of duty that weighed upon her.
“And what of her other news?” West said, looking up from his notes. “I didn’t expect that one, did you? Who would have thought that our sweet little Alice could become an earl in her own right?” West chuckled as he returned to his work, but Ethan couldn’t laugh at the position Alice was in.
“I had no idea. But it only reaffirms what I told you the other day, there is no possible future for the two of us. She quite literally could come to embody everything I am working against.”
“You know that I also hold a title?” West said, eyebrow lifted.
“Yes, and you know I mean no offense. You are working for the good, trying to change things.”
Scrubbing his hands over his face, Ethan let out a sigh.
“No, this is good. She’ll return to town tomorrow, and it will give me the space needed to—” He swallowed around the lump in his throat that had arisen at the untruth he was about to share. He’d never be able to move on from the idea of her. “Needed to . . .”
“Needed to forget how beguiling you find her?” West interrupted, one cheek pulled up by the teasing smirk he wore.
“Stop. I never should have said that to you.” Ethan dropped his head into his hands.
“It’s alright to miss her, you know. And who knows what’s going to happen in the future. Just be sure to watch out for myCilla and my child while I’m away, and I’ll keep an eye on Alice for you.”
CHAPTER 23
Setting down a tray of half-consumed dishes on the large kitchen table, Alice tilted her head from side to side, trying to loosen the stiff muscles of her neck.
Two weeks had passed since she had returned to her family home in London, and as much as she appreciated being back in familiar surroundings, she longed to be out of the city.
Coming home was absolutely the right decision—her father was now finally on the mend—but it didn’t change the fact that she missed her garden. And it seemed that as her father’s strength increased with each day, so did his inquisitiveness about her time at Hampton House.
How would she explain that she had learned about matters of great importance to her, knowing it would mean nothing to him? It felt as if what she had learned waseverything—about the world around her and her own strength—but as it would not help her directly in polite society, as far as he was concerned, it may as well be useless. She searched her mind for tangible lessons from Priscilla that she could share without resorting to falsehoods but came up short.
With a nod of thanks to the kitchen assistant who was taking the dishes, Alice made her way upstairs to prepare for the evening before her.
Now the very first days of April, many in thetonwere trickling back into Town. Though the season would not officially begin until later in the month after Easter, several smaller events were occurring in the lead-up to the first ball. Much to her chagrin, Alice was expected at a smaller dinner party.
Alice contemplated the gowns hanging in her closet. While they were of the latest fashion, she wasn’t convinced they were completely to her taste anymore. Previously, she had only cared about looking the part of a woman in high society, it did not matter whether the most current styles looked best on her, it was imperative that she reflect being of the class who set the trends. Now, however, Alice couldn’t tune out Ethan’s voice asking her what it was thatshewanted. Not that she had a choice, as so much had already been spent, but she favored a simpler design rather than something that would overwhelm her slighter stature.
She thought about how resplendent Nathalie always looked in gowns with little trim at all, but Alice suspected much of her appeal was in how comfortable she was in her own skin, how it lent a confident glow which made her beautiful regardless of what she wore. Alice, too, hoped to gain such confidence as she continued to discern her own hopes for her life.
Looking at the heavily beaded dress in her hand, she sighed in resignation before putting it back, instead selecting a peacock blue dress that had only a single strip of beads below the bust. While Alice once thought of her gowns as armor, a protective layer, she now wished others would see through the façade and accept her for who she was, but she feared that the dresses painted another picture entirely, presenting her differently than how she would wish to be known. It was all so confusing—shelonged to put on her plain dress, stained from the soil, and return to the flowers with Ethan beside her.
After scratching on the door, her new lady’s maid entered the room. “Would you like help preparing for this evening, miss?”
Alice sighed and nodded. She missed Jenny. Her new maid, Claudia, was a very nice and adept young woman, but they didn’t have a relationship. She still very much regretted that she’d needed to let Jenny go, but was comforted knowing she was settled in her new position.
Sitting down for her hairdressing, Alice scooped up Knightly and stroked him in her lap as Claudia began combing through her tresses and her mind wandered. She thought it was a reflection of her growth that she had not tried to tempt Jenny to return to service with her. Before, Alice would absolutely have thought primarily of her own comforts and needs and done all within her power to get Jenny to leave her new position and return to her. But since Ethan had reprimanded her the evening she had held David late to finish in the garden, she couldn’t help but think of her impact on those she worked alongside and who served her. It would not be fair to Jenny to disrupt her life once again simply for Alice’s own comfort.
“Thank you, Claudia,” she said as the maid put the finishing touches on her upswept curls. Alice stood and stared at herself in the glass. Well, she certainly looked like what others expected.
The dinner was excruciating. Alice faked smiles and laughed politely in all the proper places, but she fervently wished to be anywhere else.
After the meal, the women left the men to their port and headed to the parlor for discussion. It wasn’t long before the gossip began.
“Did you hear that a wedding date has been set for Mary Jeffries and her baron?” one of the women Alice had debuted with asked. “The first banns were read the previous Sunday, and it seems the ceremony will take place as soon as the three weeks of announcements have passed.”
“Why such the hurry, do you think?” the eldest daughter of a prominent earl asked with a sly smile, plenty of innuendo in her tone.
Alice felt like disappearing into the wallpaper, assaulted with the memory of a similar conversation in Lady Spencer’s drawing room. She felt such shame at how she’d played along and inferred that Mary had behaved inappropriately. Priscilla was right to call her out in the carriage for her comments later that day.
