Elise squeezed her hand. “So what is the issue? You said you discussed it with Hampton. Was he not understanding?”
“No, in fact, he was a perfect gentleman about it. Concerned about my well-being rather than the fact he would not be getting what he had hoped out of the evening. I just felt so foolish after being the one to make it a condition of our arrangement and then failing so spectacularly, changing my mind once the moment finally arrived.”
“Are you going to try again?”
Priscilla shook her head. “West feels that it wouldn’t be wise since I’ve become so emotional about the whole thing. After all,our relationship isn’t real. We shouldn’t muddy the idea of what this is, and is not, by continuing a physical relationship.”
“He’s not wrong. Making love can change things,” Elise said gently.
“I understand. I know it’s for the better. Even so, I can’t help but feel like he is rejecting me though nothing between us is real.”
“Oh, Priscilla.” Elise leaned forward and gave her a tight hug, which turned out to be exactly what she needed. A look of determination filled Elise’s face as she pulled back and examined Priscilla. “What would help you feel better in this situation? You can’t avoid him forever.”
“I know,” she said with a sigh. “I think he understood me but I didn’t know how to really explain what I was feeling, I was still trying to process and make sense of it myself. I want him to know that I’m fine to move forward as we were before. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to say it to his face. I’m afraid my thoughts would become muddled again when around him.”
“Then write him a note before your next outing. Say what you need to—and then meet him confidently when you go out together again.”
“That’s a good idea,” Priscilla said after a moment. “It will give me time to craft the right response.” She was lost in thought, already composing a letter in her mind.
“And Priscilla, dear,” Elise said, “do be gentle with yourself. Take the time with Hampton as a reprieve . . . time away from other pressures to think about what you want after all this is over.”
CHAPTER 16
Dearest West,
I want to thank you for how gracious and understanding you were with me last evening. It seems that my wishes exceeded the reality of what I’m capable of handling at the moment. It would seem I am a bolder person in my imagination than in truth.
I agree with you that we should keep our arrangement as professional and uncomplicated as possible, so I will no longer pursue physical affection from you (as enjoyable as our brief encounter was).
I wish to clear the air on the matter, so it will not be uncomfortable when next we meet. I’ve come to see the brilliance in your plan, and I would like for us to continue as friends in the remainder of our endeavor. I apologize for bringing in an extra element and making it something it was never intended to be.
From here on out, we will be comrades in arms. I promised you that we would be in this together, and I stand by it.
My most sincere affection,
Priscilla
West had read the letter Priscilla had messengered to his home several times over. Though completely unnecessary, he appreciated her desire to clear the air, as something had decidedly shifted between them last night. She was putting things back to rights, making sure they did not cross the line of what was real and not in their relationship.
He absolutely could not afford to have true feelings for her or allow affection to creep up on him. Business was what he needed to stay focused on, and he reminded himself that he would not marry to please his father.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss and how it had set his body aflame. And even more alarmingly, he desired nothing more than to simply sit and hold her in his arms again. She had felt so natural within them, that they now felt strangely empty.
Shaking his head, West forced his thoughts back to business, putting the letter away just as his mother knocked on the doorframe of his study.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you,” she said as he quickly looked up.
“Not at all. I wasn’t working at the moment anyway, just reading a letter.” Thinking again of Priscilla, he couldn’t help but smile.
“Good news?” she asked.
“No,” he said swiftly, ready to move on. “Just a note from Lady Priscilla.” The second her name escaped his lips, he knew he had made a mistake. His mother’s eyes lit up, and she made her way fully into the room.
“She seems like a lovely young woman. And so pretty with that lustrous chestnut hair.” Yes, he too loved her hair,remembering how soft it had felt, his hands buried in it as they kissed. But he couldn’t encourage his mother in her regard for the duchess. She would only be disappointed when the season ended, and their relationship along with it.
“Please don’t go getting any ideas, mother. Nothing serious is happening with Lady Priscilla. We simply get along well and have accompanied one another to a few events.” West knew he was downplaying the extent to which they would be engaging with one another and felt guilty for misleading her. He really did not want his mother to get the wrong idea any more than was necessary.
“I’d like to get to know her better if you are considering her for marriage,” she continued, either not understanding or deliberately ignoring, everything he had just said. “I’ll be sure to engage her in conversation at the next ball I attend.”
