West swallowed around a lump in his throat that had been growing as Priscilla spoke. He knew exactly what she meant, living in fear that he, too, was in danger of not knowing how to be his own man after living under his father’s strictures for so long. But that was why he encouraged his family to live as they pleased.
And it was also why being here, so comfortable with Lady Priscilla, was such a bad idea. He realized he could fall for her all too easily. There were so many things that made them a perfect match, but he would never give his father the satisfaction of making a match for which he would’ve approved. West couldn’t be the one to provide Priscilla the love she desired, so he would need to proceed with caution, making sure real feelings didn’t start to creep in. Tonight proved that could happen all too easily.
Priscilla must have felt him stiffen while his thoughts swirled, for she pulled back. “I apologize again for the mixed messages tonight. Thank you for being such a gentleman.”
It was no use. He softened just seeing her earnestness. “Priscilla, I’m fine. It’s probably best not to allow a physical relationship to cloud feelings anyway. We have to rememberthat none of this is real and that it will all end once the season is over.”
He thought he saw her eyes dim slightly, but she agreed with him immediately. “Of course. Maybe I’m just not built for an affair, so we certainly shouldn’t entertain the idea further and tempt fate.”
He was glad she saw the practicality in the situation, but her easy agreement also left him feeling somewhat hollow.
“I suppose I should let you go,” Priscilla said, looking at the floor. “I don’t want to keep you.”
“Are you sure you’ll be alright in your new place tonight?” He didn’t want to leave her if she would be uncomfortable and unable to sleep.
“I’ll be fine, I promise. Emma, my maid, is here, and I was exaggerating earlier as a way to get you to come in with me.”
He walked over to the chair where he had laid his jacket and pulled it on. “Goodnight then, Priscilla. I’ll send arrangements for another outing soon.”
With a small bow of his head, he left her by the warmth of the fire, arms wrapped around herself protectively.
CHAPTER 15
Priscilla awoke the next morning feeling cold, cramped, and more alone and confused than she ever had before. Unfurling herself from where she had fitfully slept on top of the bed, she looked down at her severely crumpled evening gown and winced at all the work ahead of Emma.
Taking the gown off before sleeping would have been the smart move, but Priscilla had been too lost in her thoughts to make intelligent decisions before finally pulling a blanket around her shoulders and drifting into a disturbed sleep only hours before.
She felt like a fool for being so indecisive, no longer sure exactly what it was that she wanted. It wasn’t that she had stopped desiring West, in fact it was quite the opposite. She did know with certainty she still wished to experience passion. That much was apparent based on the brief encounters she’d had thus far with the marquess. His touch had elicited feelings she’d never experienced before, making her blood rush and awakening her body. Even now, after hours had passed, she craved more of his touch.
But an overwhelming vulnerability had consumed her as their passion deepened. Priscilla realized once her feelingsbecame more than just an idea that he had the power to hurt her more deeply than she had ever been hurt before. She experienced real and powerful emotions with their kisses, and that brought fear along with the passion. For once in her life, she actually cared about the person she was with.
West could hurt her preciselybecausehe was a kind man. It wasn’t just the attraction she felt for him that made their situation so perilous, but the fact that he had the disposition and integrity to be the kind of man she’d always hoped she might one day find. Before departing however, he’d made it clear that he would never be that man for her. She needed to tamp down any starry feelings immediately.
Finally rising, she had just made her way to the washstand, hoping a splash of cold water might shock her back into her senses, when Emma entered the room.
“Lord above, what have you done to your dress, Your Grace?” The lady’s maid stared at Priscilla in horror, and she felt terrible for creating more work.
“I’m so sorry. I fell asleep in the dress, and I’m afraid I tossed and turned all night.”
Emma gave her a warm smile of understanding. But what she said next illustrated she didn’t grasp the true situation in the slightest. “I know being in a new place can make it hard to rest. Don’t worry, we’ll get this place feeling like home for you in no time.” Though the statement missed the mark, Priscilla nonetheless appreciated the gesture.
The rest of the morning proved busy, a welcome distraction from the thoughts plaguing Pricilla’s concentration, constantly seeping their way into her mind like curling tendrils of smoke. Her new housekeeper arrived, and they walked through the townhome together while discussing needed updates and talking through how the household should be run. Priscilla was still amazed that daily tasks would be performed howshewanted.Not what her husband wanted, and not how her mother would have run things, but to her own preference.
Several times she had to stop herself from giving a direction the way it had been done in the Wrexham household, taking time to intentionally think through if it was also her chosen method. By the time the morning was through, Priscilla could see the housekeeper’s head practically spinning from her constant waffling. Should lunches be plated or served family style? Should she hire a social secretary or handle mail herself? Such decisions were thrilling, but also left her mentally exhausted.
Later that afternoon she was shifting through fabric samples for new cushions to brighten the drawing room when Emma announced the Countess of Weston.
“Oh, Elise. I’m so glad you are here,” Priscilla exclaimed, rushing across the room to embrace her.
“Oof. Goodness, what’s the matter?” Elise asked as Priscilla crashed into her, wrapping her arms around her tightly. “Are you regretting the move?”
Pulling back, Priscilla shook her head. “Not at all. As you can see, we are still getting set up, but I’m glad for the move.”
Detangling herself from Priscilla’s arms, Elise looked at her critically. “I came over to see how you were settling in and how I could be of use, but it seems you might need assistance with something other than the house.”
Priscilla let out a large sigh. “You are incredibly perceptive.”
“Not really,” Elise said with a laugh. “You just threw yourself at me. It’s an uncharacteristic move, so I assume something must be bothering you.”
