“What the hell is wrong with you?” Angeline said, bursting through the study door. Reclined and half asleep in the desk chair, feet propped up on the desk with a tumbler resting on his chest, Sidney jerked awake at her sudden presence. Scrambling to keep himself from falling, he splashed whiskey all over his wrinkled shirt.
Sidney sat upright after regaining his balance and placed the tumbler on the desk before running a hand over his messy hair.
“Is she alright?” Sidney asked immediately. To his credit, he looked incredibly concerned.
“She is, but exactly how would you know if she wasn’t? When’s the last time you saw her, Sidney?” Angeline said, unable to hide her condemnation.
He squirmed under her piercing gaze but wisely didn’t say anything.
“Just look at yourself. I know you’ve taken a lot of hits recently, Sidney, but drinking yourself into a stupor is not the way to deal with it. I know you’re hurting—” she had to pause to swallow, throat thick with unshed tears “—and I know I’m responsible for some of that hurt, and for that I’m sorry. But there is a beautiful young girl who has lost the most important person in her life. Her entire world has been flipped around and will never be the same and she’s hurting too. Hazel needs you, Sidney, and you’re neglecting her.”
Tears now streaming unchecked down her face, Angeline no longer had any energy after her outburst and sat in the chair opposite the desk. Staring at Sidney, she could see just how unwell he had become in the past weeks. He clearly hadn’t been eating or sleeping well. His cheeks appeared thinner, the freckles she so loved appeared dull in his pallor, and he had dark patches under his eyes. Unshaven and unwashed, he looked like a shadow of himself.
Sidney closed his eyes, and his pain was evident. “I don’t know how to be what she needs,” he said after a moment.”
“That’s bullshit,” Angeline replied, surprising even herself. “She loves you. You’ve never had to try and be anything special for her before. Stop overthinking it, and just show up. All she needs is to know that you’re still here, that she hasn’t lost everyone, and that you care.”
“But how can I make her stop hurting if I can’t even do that for myself?” Angeline didn’t think Sidney was even aware that tears had started slipping down his cheeks. She could feel the pain in his question, and her heart broke just a little bit more, if that was even still possible at this point.
“You can’t make it stop, Sidney, but you can help her heal faster by being with her, letting her know it’s alright to hurt and that you’re hurting too. But you certainly can’t do anything for her if you continue to sit around here and drink your life away.”
“It’s the only thing that stops me from feeling so much,” he said quietly. “You don’t understand what this grief is like, to lose someone like that.”
Angeline looked at Sidney in astonishment and let out a small laugh in disbelief. “You don’t think that I know what it’s like to lose someone suddenly? You forget that I watched my husband die in front of me.” He was so caught up in his own world of pain that his reality seemed skewed.
“I can’t see you like this, Sidney,” Angeline said, shaking her head. “I won’t watch you throw your life away. Even if there were a way for us to be together still, I wouldn’t be with you like this. If this is who you plan to be . . .” She shook her head. “I don’t recognize the man I fell in love with anymore.”
* * *
Sidney had never felt so berated in his life, and he knew he deserved every word Angeline had thrown at him. He needed to pull it together for Hazel’s sake if not for his own—and if he wanted the chance to keep Angeline in his life in any capacity moving forward. Knowing she was disappointed in him was what felt worst of all.
Sidney slowly stood from the desk and moved to open the window for some much-needed fresh air. He wasn’t entirely sure the last time he’d left the study, and his stomach growled to let him know it had been quite some time. Stretching his long, lean body, he forced himself to down a glass of water and immediately felt better, even if only incrementally. Deciding he needed a meal before a bath and then sleep, he headed for the kitchen.
Passing the formal parlor on his way to the back of the house, Sidney was surprised when he heard voices. Hearing his name, he paused to listen.
“. . . maybe this was all for the better when you think about it.”
Sidney recognized Lady Dalton’s voice and realized she must be here to see Lady Effie, who was still refusing to leave Ravenswood.
“Well, I do think Sidney will be much more fun, you’ve heard the rumors about him over the years, I’m sure. He was quite the lothario when he was younger,” Lady Effie said. Sidney winced at her description of him, pained by his past behavior.
“Yes, Nick was always a bit of a stick in the mud. I never knew what Davenport saw in him.”
Enraged, Sidney didn’t wait to hear anymore and burst into the room. “How dare you.” The two women looked up in surprise, and Lady Davenport had the decency to look somewhat guilty. But Lady Effie wasn’t bothered at all.
“I knew you were a conniving witch the first time I met you—and I warned my brother not to marry you. All you’re after is the title and what you think it will give you now that you’re a dowager. You could not care less about anyone or anything other than yourself.”
“I won’t deny looking out for my best interests, anyone would,” Lady Effie said calmly.
“Well you should have been more careful what you said then. Because you better believe I’m going straight to my lawyer about bringing this disputed marriage contract before a judge, where the case will undoubtably be covered in the papers. I mean the story has it all: love, death, intrigue. How do you think it will look to the society you are so obsessed with when it’s reported that you don’t care which brother you marry as long as you can have a title? You may very well win the case, but you’ll lose in the court of public opinion, and I know that’s the only one you actually want to win.”
Sidney could tell he’d finally found her weak spot when her face paled. “Unless you want your name dragged through the mud, I suggest you leave this house immediately and never even think about questioning that contract again.”
Turning around, all his good intentions forgotten in his rage, he headed back to the study and poured himself a large dram of whisky.
CHAPTER29
Still shaken by her encounter with Sidney when she arrived home, Angeline went to find Moira and her brother. Discovering Moira first, upon seeing her beloved sister-in-law, she promptly burst into tears.
