Angeline shook her head. “No, I don’t think that’s possible. I’ve never been able to carry a child to term, and I don’t know why that would change with Sidney.”
“I suspected as much, and I wasn’t trying to be indelicate,” Grace rushed to say. “I meant with Hazel, once you marry.”
Hazel. That dear, sweet girl. She had stolen Angeline’s heart the moment she’d leaned into her side while reading at Geffen House. Suddenly, with horror, she realized the implications of what they were discussing.
“Oh god,” Angeline gasped, startling her friends.
“What’s wrong?” Elise asked, immediately by her side.
“I can’t marry him . . . He’s the viscount now.”
“Yes, but why does that matter?” Grace asked, clearly confused.
Tears flowed down Angeline’s face as reality fully set in. She’d been so consumed with both Sidney’s and her own grief that she had missed the consequences of the world they were now living in. “Sidney’s the viscount, he needs an heir. I’ll never be able to give him that.” Both women looked stricken by her pronouncement, but neither said a word. What was there to say? They knew she was right. With the inheritance and entail laws as they were, one of the highest responsibilities of a peer was to beget an heir and further the line. Burying her head in her hands, Angeline didn’t know what to do.
* * *
Later that evening, after faking her way through dinner with everyone, Angeline made her way upstairs to say goodnight to Hazel. She tried to spend as much time as she could with her. The poor girl was utterly lost and lonely without her father by her side.
Cracking the door open quietly, Angeline wanted to make sure she wasn’t asleep. She saw Hazel standing by the window, looking out like she would magically see her father walk across the lawn. The small girl turned after hearing the door, her eyes red from crying. “Angie!” she cried, practically flinging herself across the room to get to Angeline. Little arms wrapped around her hips while Hazel buried her head into her stomach.
Every time she visited and witnessed the way Hazel was ravaged by losing her father, her heart broke all over again. Running her fingers through the child’s hair, Angeline asked, “How are you today, Hazel?”
Hazel’s only response was to cry into Angeline’s dress, and she didn’t push her further. She simply kept holding on and soothingly stroking her head. Angeline knew that losing the only family she had known would profoundly impact the girl, changing her and the way she related to others for the rest of her life. Experiencing profound loss could do that to a person. She knew firsthand.
All Angeline wanted to do was make Hazel feel loved and protected. Realizing that she would never be able to act as this sweet girl’s mother, Angeline felt her own tears threatening to return as her eyes prickled.
“You know what Emily loves me to do with her?” Angeline asked. Hazel shook her head into her stomach, still not letting go. “She likes it when we read together. Do you like to read? Did you enjoy it the last time you visited next door?” Pulling back ever so slightly, Hazel nodded. “Why don’t you go pick out a book and we can read together?” Finally, the little girl released her and went over to find her favorite book.
Settling down on Hazel’s bed, Angeline’s aim was to read the girl to sleep. She clearly needed rest and would have to be prepared for the emotional onslaught the next few days were sure to bring. Tucking Hazel in, Angeline was just about to sit down beside her when she heard movement from behind. She turned to find Sidney staring at his niece and looking utterly haunted.
“Uncle Sidney!” Hazels eyes lit up at the sight of the uncle she adored. “Will you read with me and Angie?”
At her question, Sidney shook himself and refocused, turning to look at Angeline instead. “May I?” he asked, his voice rough.
“Of course,” she replied after swallowing around the lump that had grown in her throat as she thought of what couldn’t be. She had made Grace and Elise promise not to say anything, and she wanted to wait to have the conversation ending their future until after the funeral.
Suddenly needing to be away from Sidney, she held the book out to him. “Why don’t you read with her?” When he made no move to take the book, she quietly added, “Hazel needs some time with her uncle.” He looked guilty, and she felt bad for manipulating him, but he took the book and moved to sit by Hazel. The little girl snuggled into his side as he sat down beside her, and he finally seemed to wake from his half-dazed state and focus fully on his niece for the first time since entering the room.
Seeing them settled, Angeline made her escape. Practically running to her room, she barely managed to close the door before bursting into tears. She longed for a different world where she would have been able to add herself to the tableau that had been laid out before her, making them the picture of a perfect family. She was almost glad for Sidney’s distraction. He was usually so perceptive of what she was thinking and feeling, but in his grief, he had missed how off she was. She felt guilty being grateful for anyone’s sadness, but for now it allowed her to keep from hurting him even further.
CHAPTER20
The morning of the funeral was a wet affair. With guests arriving from London, umbrellas and raincoats littered the front hallway of Ravenswood, and small puddles pooled on the marble floors as several footmen rushed around with towels to clear away the slipping hazard.
Sidney watched from his perch in the drawing room window as more carriages turned up the drive, bringing members of the peerage to pay their respects. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide for much longer and needed to play host, greeting the guests, but he dreaded it. Due to propriety, every single guest would greet him as Lord Hasting, and he wasn’t sure he could handle it. Every time one of the staff addressed him as ‘my lord’, he tensed, still chaffing at the title that never should have been his. It was a constant reminder of how everything had changed and felt like an anchor weighing him down.
The past few days since his friends’ arrival had been difficult. He knew he should have been more attentive to the preparations for today, and he definitely should have spent more time with Hazel, but it was hard to rouse himself to do much of anything at all. The only thing keeping him from falling into the abyss was Angeline, but something felt off. He was worried she was avoiding him. He knew she had been busy organizing the staff, and she spent hours with Hazel, for which he was eternally grateful. But even accounting for that, he had seen her hardly at all in the past two days.
He stopped by Angeline’s room after reading with Hazel the other night, but the door was locked and she hadn’t answered when he knocked. He figured she was asleep after some very long and emotional days and hadn’t thought much of it until the next day when she seemed to be avoiding him. Every time he entered a room she was in, she seemed to just as quickly make her exit. Now he suspected something bigger might be going on and he’d missed it in his reduced state.
Noticing the Davenport carriage arriving, Sidney at last got up from his window seat and made his way out onto the drive with a large umbrella. He had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes as Lady Effie descended the carriage stairs. He was bemused to see her decked out in all black with a veil covering her face as if she and Nick had already been married and she was in fact his widow. His attention was diverted away from her when Davenport came up and embraced him in a big bear hug, slapping him on the back.
“How are you holding up, Sid?” Davenport’s voice was unusually rough, and Sidney tried not to flinch hearing it. It was a good reminder that he was not the only one who felt the loss, and he needed to think of others beyond just himself.
“As good as can be expected I guess,” Sidney said.
“And how’s our little Hazel?” Sidney winced at the reminder of how much he had neglected his niece, knowing she was hurting most of all.
