Pulse racing, her fate in his hands, Elise wanted to believe the best of Lord Weston based on what she had observed yesterday, but it was hard to hold onto hope when every instinct told her that such men should not be trusted. She feigned a smile and attempted to appear calm, but feared she failed spectacularly when he tried to placate her.
“There is no need to be uneasy, my lady. I am not here to turn you out.” He did not follow up the sentence with ‘yet’, but Elise could not help worrying it was silently implied. He had promised her last evening to give a long period of warning before making her leave, so his statement would still be true even if he informed her today that she would need to leave at a later date.
“Forgive me, my lord,” Elise said. “I don’t mean to be so transparent. Please, let’s go inside and grab some refreshments while we talk.” Picking up the basket of chamomile, she led the way into the back of the house. Finding Nora as they passed through the kitchen, she asked for tea and sandwiches to be brought into the study and led the way for the earl after removing her apron.
She watched as Weston took in his surroundings with interest. While Jed had shown him around the grounds last evening, he had not seen the entirety of the house. Observing him take in the study for the first time, Elise tried to see it through his eyes. She felt immensely proud as they entered the room. At the front of the house, it faced out towards the sea. The dower house was located at the base of the hill that made its way up to Cliff House and was close to the coastline and small length of beach that ran along the base of the cliff. The view was spectacular and made Elise happy every time she looked out at the waves rolling in.
This was one of the spaces in the house that had needed the most work when she first moved in as water damage around the window had led to rot in the walls and an unstable floor. Once the room had been made structurally sound, she decided to transform it into a study and reading room all in one. It was now a cozy space, the room neither large nor small. Bookcases lined about half of the walls and a fireplace with an ornate marble mantle was featured on another. A desk was placed across from the window and the comfortable settee that sat in front of it. Choosing a seat in a chair near the fireplace, Elise sat as the earl took in the view from the large bay window.
“I forget how beautiful it is here,” he said softly, as if he were speaking to himself. “I’ve always loved days like this—gray but still light out, neither warm nor cool. The air is crisp, and you can smell that rain is coming, but for now all is peaceful.” Elise was startled by the sentiment, as it so closely echoed her own feelings. While she loved a sunny spring day as well as anyone, there was something about a gray fall day that fit the landscape around them and made everything feel right in a way that the sunshine couldn’t. She had always loved days such as this and did not mind the rain, even as everyone around her complained and wished for the sun.
“I’m sorry,” Weston said, the faraway look leaving his eyes as he turned toward her. “I suppose that sounds foolish. I just forget sometimes how much this place is a part of me.”
“May I ask why you stayed away for so long?” Elise asked gently. Weston moved over towards her and sat in the other chair opposite of the fireplace. “Forgive my impertinence for asking, but if you love the place so much, why have you not spent more time here?” She could not fully make sense of the man yet, and it bothered her. He was not the ogre she had been fearing, but there was a baffling distance to him. She could sense he had been hurt in the past and it was affecting the way he related to the land, even though it clearly meant a lot to him.
The earl settled into his seat and gazed at the fire in silence. Elise was not sure he was going to answer, but after a minute, he began to speak. “As you may have gathered from our previous conversation, I did not have a good relationship with my father.” He paused, furrowing his brow, the lines she had observed the day before appearing as he became lost in memories. The firelight glinted off the silver at his temples and Elise found herself once again distracted by how distinguished the gray made him look rather than aging him. It was unfair how the passing years could make a man look more like himself, the distinguished ideal of masculinity, while they only made women less desirable. The classical look that was currently in demand with high society favored women who appeared young and innocent, with unmarked creamy skin and golden coloring. The second a line appeared on their faces or a stary white hair, they lost all value. Men, on the other hand, were lauded as their faces gained character through the lines and scars that were accumulated over the years.
Elise snapped to attention when Weston started speaking again. “I never wanted to leave this place, but I could no longer be around him. I was never good enough.” While he still looked towards the fire rather than her, she could see the pain deep in his eyes. “I desired to do something useful with my life, and he would not let me, believing gentlemen should not perform manual labor as it was beneath them. He would get furious whenever I tried to make improvements to the estate.” He paused again, looking at her with a new determination. “I couldn’t live the way he wanted me to any longer, so I left and joined the army. It was clear that trouble was brewing, and I wanted to do something I believed to be noble and help in a way I was not able to here.”
“It’s quite unusual for heirs to join the service, is it not?” she asked, curious why he would defy convention.
“It is, but I needed a purpose, and I also wanted to hurt my father.” She inhaled sharply, at his bold statement, causing the corner of his mouth to quirk up in a half smile. “I don’t mean to shock you, but it’s the truth of how I felt at the time. I knew the idea that his line could be lost, when his place in the aristocracy meant everything to him, would be the worst kind of torture. He had always made me feel small and insecure, and I wanted him to feel the same.”
“Do you still feel that way?” Elise knew she should stop prying, but she couldn’t help herself.
“I no longer wish to purposely inflict pain, but I don’t regret leaving,” he replied with clarity. “I was a young and foolish man who had been hurt . . . while that was the catalyst for my enlistment, I learned much from my time spent fighting alongside my brothers. Seeing more of the world and the way people outside of my class lived made me a better, more compassionate man. It’s the reason why I decided to stand for Parliament when I was no longer able to serve. I wanted to make a difference for those who really needed it.” His voice was strong with conviction when speaking of his constituents and Elise could see how much his role as an MP meant to him. She admired that he was a man of action and was unwilling to live in ignorance of those suffering around him as so many men of their class were wont to do.
“In the end, I stayed away due to my obligations more than a desire to continue punishing my father, but it was never pleasant when I returned.”
Elise watched Weston closely as he spoke of his father and the decisions their relationship had prompted. Though he spoke about having moved past the hurt, she was not sure she believed him based on the stiff posture he held recounting past events. She strongly suspected thoughts of his father still directed his actions much more than he realized. This was confirmed as he continued to share, drawn into his own thoughts and almost unaware he was still speaking to her.
“He disapproved of my choices, and visits home became uncomfortable. It was hard to desire to return when I knew I would be received with distain.” Weston chuckled, but it was not from amusement. It was a forced sound, feigned to mask the hurt that lingered from being thought so little of by a figure of importance to any man’s life. “My stubborn nature would not allow me to acquiesce, even though my resistance was no longer out of spite, but rather to live up to my own standards.” He spoke with determination, as if willing himself to believe it.
Coming back to himself, Weston looked up and held her gaze. She was unable to look away—too transfixed by the picture of the man that was starting to unfold before her. A warmth from more than just the fire started unfurling within her and made her feel restless. The spell was broken a moment later when Nora brought in the tea.
Elise, needing to turn away from the tension, quickly rose to help the housekeeper. Before she even took a step, Weston beat her to the task, setting the tea tray on the ottoman between them and thanking Nora for the feast. Elise busied herself pouring the tea, her nerves returning as she recalled the reason the earl was here in the first place. Putting together a plate of Nora’s excellent scones with homemade strawberry preserves, she handed him the food and tea before launching back into the matter at hand.
“You mentioned you had found the papers regarding the rental of the dower house?” Elise asked, eager to resolve the issue once and for all. Weston, taking a large and enthusiastic bite of scone, let out an appreciative groan. At her question, he gave a guilty smile and quickly swallowed, wiping his mouth before setting down his plate and lending her his full attention once again.
“My apologies, my lady. I was never able to resist Nora’s baked goods,” Weston said sheepishly. “Yes, we should get down to business. I found the agreement, and it matches what you told me yesterday—not that I doubted you,” he was quick to add. “While this is technically not a binding agreement”—Elise held her breath—“I have no problem with it and plan to uphold it.” She exhaled in relief, but then he continued. “There is one item I’m unsatisfied with.” he said. Her face crumpled, unable to hide her distress. It was all she could do to prevent herself from crying.
Elise knew it had been too good to be true. Why on earth would anyone ever let an agreement stand as it was if they held the power to turn the situation to their own benefit? She attempted to remain calm and focused, prepared to negotiate.
“I’m sorry,” Weston said. “I can see I’ve upset you. Let me be clear”—he leaned forward and looked her straight in the eye— “I don’t think these terms are fair toyou.You are paying a much higher rate than necessary for comparable properties, and I know you have done extensive work to improve both the land and the house with your own funds. I would like to deduct those expenses from your monthly payment, as you have increased the value of the property and I wish to recognize that.”
Elise was stunned speechless. With the help of Nora and Jed she had put quite a bit of work and money into the dower house and she felt intimately connected to the place. The fact that he recognized that and was not planning to make her leave left her overwhelmed. “Th-thank you,” she finally managed to fumble out. “I greatly appreciate you valuing the work we have done. I truly love this house, it has been a refuge for me. I feel at home here.”
Weston was smiling widely now. “If you do not mind me asking, how are you able to live on your own so easily? I do not know many unmarried women who have such freedom.” He appeared to be genuinely curious and was not asking out of malice or derision, so Elise had no problem answering him honestly.
“When it became apparent that I would not be able to make a match due to my ruined social standing, I told my father I wished to leave London. He was concerned for both my own wellbeing as well as the reputation of my younger sister, Marianne, so he agreed to give me the money that would have been used for my dowry. It was enough to allow me to set up a new place for myself.” She was eternally grateful for the actions of her father. He could have easily disowned her and dismissed her from his house without a penny as had befallen many other less fortunate girls who had been ruined. “I was lucky to maintain his support when I was a pariah to the rest of theton.”
“Yes, you mentioned yesterday you had been ruined, and my mother spoke of it this morning as well. I’m sorry you experienced that, but I’m happy you’ve been able to start fresh here.” Elise heard the earnestness in his voice and believed he might actually see her as a regular person. He did not pity or distain her, and his lack of judgment was completely refreshing. A tension she didn’t even know she was holding released upon his statement of support.
“I wouldn’t say that I started completely fresh,” Elise said. “There were still many who knew of my status. But in a way, starting over was freeing, and I am a happier person for no longer needing to be constantly worried about the rules of high society. The worst has already happened and letting go of the anxiety to always live up to an almost impossible standard has allowed me a contentment I had not known before.” She spoke freely, as she had learned to do in the last years, no longer afraid to voice her thoughts. She was not ashamed of what had happened to her. While understanding the norm she had broken, she also did not believe her actions on that fateful day were wrong.
“Speaking of this reminds me that I should take a look at your arm while you are here, please enjoy more of Nora’s goods while I go and gather some supplies.” Elise took her leave as Weston nodded.
Elise took a moment to breath as she gathered fresh bandages and water. While they had not yet worked out the terms of a new agreement, she believed that he was a man of his word, and no longer needed to fear being able to stay on in her home. She quickly updated Nora and Jed of the good news before returning to the study.
