Evie gave a mischievous smile. “Well, did you at least enjoy yourself? He is an incredibly handsome and virile looking man.”
“Evie!” Elise spluttered, hiding her warm cheeks behind her hands. The young woman just laughed before calming down and getting serious once again.
“I understand your concerns,” Evie said. “As someone who also exists on the outskirts of society, I know it can be hard to comprehend that there may be a place for you yet. But I don’t think it’s impossible to imagine you finding a good man and marrying someday. You don’t have a terrible reputation—just a label that precludes your involvement in some circles. Do you not think that after all this time you could still be welcomed back?”
“It’s not me I’m concerned about. It’s him. I know he was never interested in inheriting his title and despises many of the peerage’s traditions, but he’s still a well-respected man and needs to preserve his reputation to maintain influence in Parliament. He’s balancing on a knife-edge—still accepted even though challenging those around him. What would happen to that balance if I were added into the equation? Though many in his circles may not look upon me unkindly, the label you mentioned,ruined,does tend to leave a lasting impression.”
“But shouldn’t he be the one to decide that?” Evie asked. “The earl may believe it is worth the risk.”
“No,” Elise said, shaking her head. “You haven’t seen him in that room talking with his friends. This work—his passion for politics and making lasting change, it means the world to him. I can’t be the one who shatters that for him.”
“I think you need to stop running away from what you’re feeling and actually talk to the man,” Evie offered up. “I know that’s easy for me to say as I’m not the one who needs to have the difficult conversation, but you seem to be making these decisions all on your own.”
“I know. You’re probably right,” Elise acknowledged. “Thank you for talking everything out with me, I needed that.”
“Anytime,” Evie said, squeezing her hand before rising and patting her shoulder on the way back to the kitchen.
* * *
It was later that afternoon when Reid finally caught up with Elise. “There you are,” he said, finding her in the front parlor where she had sequestered herself with a book. Looking him in the eye, she did not want to show any shame, but was slightly quaking knowing they needed to have it out. “I think we need to talk,” he said, his tone implying he would not take no for an answer.
Elise nodded, silently following him to the library. “Are you done for the day?” she asked. It seemed a bit early for them to have stopped working at this hour.
“We’re taking a break. Henry thought it best, as I’m rather distracted today.” Elise hung her head, knowing she was the reason he couldn’t focus. Reid sat in the same chair he had the night she encountered him here after losing Nora and Jed, and she sat opposite, leaning into the heat of the fire as it was a cold November day.
“I’ve wanted to talk with you for a while,” Reid began, “but I also wanted to respect your wishes to remain only friends.” Elise looked away, biting her lip, knowing she had sent mixed signals. “I hope it is clear to you that I would like to be more than just friends,” he stated boldly, not shying away from the truth. “And while I don’t mean to be presumptuous, it seems you may harbor more than just friendly feelings as well.”
The last was said gently, making Elise feel even worse. “I’m sorry for confusing you last night,” she said, daring to look at him. “You are correct that I am drawn to you, and I admire you greatly as a person, but I still believe that friendship is all that can be between us. I won’t let myself get carried away again.”
Reid stared at her for the longest time, and Elise wouldn’t allow herself to turn away from his seeking gaze, no matter how much she wanted to. Though feeling vulnerable and exposed, she refused to back down from her position.
“Why do you think there can’t be anything more between us?” he finally asked, no judgment in his tone.
“You can’t honestly believe there can be any kind of future for us. I would never be accepted back into theton,and you need them to further your agenda.” Elise was as honest as she knew how to be in her answer.
“You know my history, and you know I am not a typical peer,” Reid said calmly. “Do you honestly believe that I care what others would think about my choice of wife?”
Elise sucked in a breath at his last word. She supposed she knew somewhere deep down that if he was considering a future that meant marriage, but it was an entirely different thing to hear it straight from him. “I care,” she answered after a pause. “It would kill me to know that I impeded your goals.”
“I don’t say this to be cruel,” Reid said, remaining gentle in his delivery, “but I think you may be overestimating your impact in polite society. Do you truly think anyone still cares about a small scandal from four seasons ago? Gossip moves on after a while and people forget.”
“I’ve been painted with a label that won’t let them forget,” Elise said through a tight jaw, a tinge of frustration creeping in. “Don’t tell me that after what happened with Lord Dorsten you don’t understand the harm that can come from that label.”
Reid’s face reddened, and his breathing became heavier at the mention of Dorsten. “I understand that some may look on it unfavorably, but I don’t know whyyoucan’t you understand that others’ opinions truly don’t matter to me. I don’t think there will be a problem reintegrating you into society, but if there is, then those who cause a fuss are not the kind of people I want to associate with anyway.”
“Maybe I don’t want to associate with them at all,” Elise volleyed at him, her ire raising. “Yes, I lost things when I had to leave my home, but my life has been so much more fulfilling since I’ve been here and left the concerns of polite society behind me. I never really fit there to begin with. Do you know that I was twenty-three years old when I made my debut? Do you have any idea how awkward that is? I’m not sure I’ll ever want to return to that.”
“Why did you make your debut so late?” he asked. “Is it because your mother was ill? You told me before you cared for her—that that was where you first learned about herbal healing methods.”
Elise nodded. “I was seventeen when my mother first fell ill,” she began to explain more fully. “The doctors argued over her diagnosis, and I’m still not entirely sure what it was that plagued her, but she had less and less energy as time went on, and fluid would buildup in her lungs making it difficult for her to breathe. She could no longer leave the house and soon needed almost constant care.”
“And you said nurses did not stay around?” Reid asked.
“No, she was a terrible patient and would act up around anyone that was not family. It wasn’t really her fault, when she became ill it was like she sometimes became a different person, as if she no longer had control over her impulses.” Elise became lost in thought recalling how hard it was to see her mother disappear before her eyes. “In the end, it was just easier for me to become her primary caretaker. My sister was too young, and my father had other responsibilities.”
Elise had never resented that she had been forced into the role of caretaker. She loved her mother and would have done anything to make things more bearable for her. Making sure her mother was more comfortable gave her a sense of purpose, and the knowledge she had gained when she started her research into natural and alternative treatments had proven extremely interesting and useful. She was eternally grateful that one of the nurses who had been there for a while had helped her figure out where to begin and had connected her with Nora, who taught her so much.
“It must have been difficult to give up so much of your freedom for so long, and to that kind of service,” Reid said sympathetically.
