“As I am sure you have heard—since gossip is rampant at these types of gatherings—I have not been a duke for long,” he admitted. “I was never expected to inherit. I am the second son of a second son, so all of this has been quite a shock. Through a series of unfortunate events, all of those who stood to inherit before me passed, beginning with my older brother five years ago amidst the war.”
Her eyes softened as he began to recount how his relatives had perished, leaving him the last in line to inherit. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “Were you close with your bother?”
“Yes and no,” Henry replied. “Growing up we had been friends, but since he was several years older, we did not mix as much when he went away to school. After university, both of us chose to join the military. We were not in the same regiment, so were in different locations for much of the war. We were apart for two years before he died.” He paused for a moment, sadness he rarely allowed himself to feel overcoming him. “I do miss him, but I never really knew him as an adult . . . the person he became. I suppose I mourn that most of all.” A hand was placed on his, bringing him back to the present. Looking at Grace, he realized he had become lost in the memories.
“Anyway,” he continued, clearing his throat, “that was a long time ago.”
“Not so long, really. I lost my father seven years ago and I still miss him every day,” Grace said. She gave Carrington a small smile while gently squeezing his hand. “What happened next?”
“Both my cousin, Michael, and my father were ahead of me in the line of succession, so I never contemplated taking the title. When my uncle passed about three years ago, my cousin became the duke. He was eager to find a duchess as soon as he was out of mourning, and became engaged at the end of the next season. He was married between Christmas and the New Year, and we all assumed a new heir would be coming along soon. After the marriage, he and his wife departed for a monthslong honeymoon on the continent. Then a little over a year ago, my father passed away in his sleep.” He paused to swallow, looking at Grace. “The very same morning, my aunt received a letter informing her that both my cousin and his new wife had died of illness while abroad. And just like that, I became a duke.”
Her eyes were wide as she took in how much loss had accumulated in such a short span of time.
“I’d never been so shocked in my life,” he told her honestly. “I had been an army man and spent years abroad fighting on the continent. After Waterloo, I was reassigned to work from the war office in London. My life was fairly simple, but I was content,” he explained. “I had purpose, and was doing something for the benefit of my country.” Grace nodded as he spoke of his career, seeming to recognize what it had meant to him. “Then suddenly, not only was I grieving my father, but I had to leave my work with the army—the only life I had known as an adult—and a slew of new responsibilities fell on my shoulders. It’s overwhelming,” he admitted.
Still holding his hand, Grace squeezed it again. “I am sorry you have faced so much loss. I’m sure your life changing so suddenly has been disorienting.”
My god, she really was so incredibly kind he thought again. The warmth of her nature practically radiated off her, and the empathy in her eyes made them shine—emphasizing how beautiful they were. He was convinced he was doing the right thing in offering for her hand.
They grew quiet for a moment, both lost in their own thoughts. “I’m afraid I still don’t understand what I can offer you,” she said hesitantly.
“I’m lost as the duke,” he admitted sheepishly. “I’m still learning what all of my responsibilities are, and I’ve spent much of the last year travelling to the various properties now under my care trying to learn estate management.” He squirmed thinking about the weight of it all.
“It’s bewildering when I think of the number of people whose livelihoods are now tied to my own. That sense of responsibility is crushing,” he confessed. “I still have so much to learn . . . and when I think about it too long, it makes me want to panic.” Henry couldn’t believe how honest he was being with her, but her open nature made her easy to talk to. And he owed it to her if she was going to agree to be his wife.
“Yes, I am the grandson of a duke, and was then the nephew and cousin of a duke, so this world is not completely foreign to me. I was raised among theton, but I’ve been removed from it for too long, and it’s quite a different beast when the title becomes your own. I don’t think anyone, or anything, can fully prepare you for it.”
“I can understand very well the unsettling nature of life taking a sharp turn you were not expecting,” Grace offered quietly. “What kind of help do you feel you need?” she asked him.
“An aspect of ascending to the rank of duke which I had not expected, is the rabid nature of those wishing to improve their station.” She grimaced slightly at his bold admission, clearly understanding what he meant. “Since coming out of mourning, there are mothers and eligible maidens everywhere I turn,” he said with a sigh. “I’m terrified of inadvertently finding myself in what could be perceived as a compromising situation. The last thing I want is to be trapped into marriage with a young woman striving to become a duchess. I barely missed being ensnared into such a situation just last evening,” he admitted. He watched her eyes widen in comprehension as she suddenly understood the uncomfortable encounter in the conservatory.
“My friends, who are much smarter than I am,” he said with a smile, “have recently pointed out there is an easy solution to some of my problems. If I marry, and soon, I will be able to control choosing whom I want as my wife, rather than the possibility of having someone thrust upon me.”
“Sadly,” Grace said, “having no control in choosing one’s spouse is something I’m all too familiar with.”
He squeezed her hand before continuing. “There is also the idea of having a partner for support before going into the next season, someone who can help me navigate theton. And a wife could help me settle into Highland Manor, the main estate in Sussex, as my travels have left me short on time to establish my household and learn proper etiquette.”
“I can understand all of that, and I see why you believe marrying soon to be a smart choice,” Grace said, “but what I still fail to understand is what makes you think that I would be a good choice for your duchess.”
Carrington noticed the familiar, endearing crinkle between her eyebrows. “Why not you?” he said, shrugging his shoulders.
CHAPTER15
Grace could hardly believe her ears. Had he really said that?Why not her?Of all the insufferable things. . .
“Though I’ve not known you for more than a few days, I genuinely like you, and I feel drawn to you,” Carrington insisted. “You have a gentle spirit and a kind heart. And Moira—one of the best women I know—thinks the world of you.” She granted him points for recognizing Moira’s worth, but this was just too much. How could he not see how wrong she was for him?
“Why not me?” she repeated back to him. “Because I’m not duchess material,” she said incredulously, “and I’m not looking for a husband.” Finally showing her frustration, she released his hand as she lifted her own in exasperation. “In what way has anything I’ve shared with you about myself made you believe I am a good match for anyone, let alone a duke! I am technically still in a period of mourning, and I have nothing material to bring to a marriage.” She began holding up her fingers as she listed off more reasons. “There are several possible situations where my reputation could be ruined if the wrong people were to speak. And most important,” she paused to lift a fourth finger, “I am not known in society and do not move among high or influential circles. A duchess needs connections, and I have none.”
“Are you done?” Carrington asked in an amused voice. “I can counter all of those points.”
“You are not taking this seriously,” she huffed. “I would be poison to you.” She squirmed in agitation and began to stand, needing distance to think clearly. His handsome face kept distracting her, and she could not afford to be distracted as she had to make him understand. But before she could flee, Carrington grabbed her hand and gently pulled her back down.
“First, it turns out that, as a duke, I am quite rich. So not having a dowry or widow’s portion is of no consequence. Second, you know I had a chat with Thomas, and believe me, he will not be boasting about you to anyone if he knows what is good for him.”
While she was reassured by him handling Thomas, he still did not know the truth of her husband’s death and the stain it could leave on her reputation should it come to light. She squirmed deciding whether she should tell Carrington.
“What about the fact that I never came out to society and have absolutely no idea what a duchess needs to know?” she asked, delaying a most uncomfortable conversation.
