“I’ll sleep when I'm dead, Ma!” I say with emphasis.
“Just make sure that's long after I'm gone.”
“You'll outlive us all.” Maeve snorts while staring at her phone, hands busy. “Look at Nanna, for Christ's sake.”
“She's notthatold.”
“How old is she?” I ask.
“Ninety-one,” Mum replies.
“So she was like forty when she had you. That's old for her generation,” I say, looking at Mum who is staring out at the sea.
“Yeah, I asked her about that once,” she says. “She said she was never much fussed by men growing up, but then she met Pops and they fell madly in love andI was a very happy honeymoon surprise. Or not. I possibly could have been a pre-honeymoon surprise.”
I pause, thinking, calculating. “Wait, so,” I begin. “Pops was sixty-odd when he died, wasn’t he?”
“Fifty-nine, actually,” Mum says with a quick glance at my dad’s snoring body. “Much too young. But that's what smoking all day, every day will do to you.”
“And he died twenty years ago?” I check.
“Yes, in September,” Mum says thoughtfully.
“So he would be seventy-nine now, if he was still alive?”
“Yes, Aiden. Why are you so... oh,” she says as the penny drops.
“Pops was Nan's toy-boy!” Maeve chimes in.
“It wasn't really like that, you know. I mean, I was never really aware of the age difference...”
“You weren'taware?” I say, audacity seeping into my tone. “That's interesting.”
“Aiden,” my mother cautions.
“It's just good to know it didn’t bother you. That it wasn't a problem for you.”
“I bet you wish he was still totally banjaxed most days now,” Maeve says, thumbs still moving in a manic fashion. “He's almost clever now he's sober.”
I don't say anything but close my eyes and tilt my head to the sun, something like triumph also warming me. I'm surprised my mother has stayed quiet but then I feel my lounger dip beside my legs. I open my eyes and see her sitting there.
“Aiden, I appreciate what you're trying to do,” she says looking at me over her sunglasses. “But I'm not surewhyyou're trying to do it. Surely this thing is just a harmless holiday fling? I can't say I'm completely comfortable with it, but I can at least understand if that's what it is.”
“Ma,” I say, both in warning and with exasperation.
“I've already told you I'm okay with her coming to dinner,” she adds.
“And...” I prompt.
“And I will apologise for... accosting her in the gym,” she adds. “But can we just keep an open mind about how unrealistic this is. It’s not like you have a future together.”
I still stiffen at her condescending tone, but am too busy thinking about the point she raises to respond. I’m stuck on those two words.The future. It's the one thing Jenna and I haven't talked about.
“Sure look, there's nothing wrong with having a ‘holiday fling’ Aiden.” She uses air quotes. “You don't have to invest yourself in a future with Jenna. You don't have to go all in so soon.” Ma moves her hand as if to touch me but then thinks twice, probably because she can see the thunderous look on my face.
“You thought Arnie was just a fling at first. What was it you called it, an exploration? Me being curious?”
“And I'm not ashamed to say I was wrong. That was a steep learning curve for me.”
