“No, thank you, Marty,” I say.
Thank you for living your life. Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for coming back for me. Thank you for loving me.
“And thank you, Arnie,” I whisper so quietly because I don't want Marty to hear. I know he often feels him close, but I haven't yet told him that sometimes, I do too.
Epilogue
Marty
It doesn't make any sense, but I have never felt closer to Arnie than I have this last year with Jenna.
Five years away from Jenna taught me how to be my own person and how to love that person, but that hasn't stopped this year either. I keep going to therapy, if not as regularly. I cry when I need to, which again is less often. I keep trying to be the man who would make Arnie proud.
A year with Jenna and I am still getting to know myself, I'm just doing it through the eyes of someone else at the same time. And fuck, is it a beautiful reflection. I also have all the things I really missed most about Jenna. Yes, the sex and the intimacy and the humour, but more than that I have someone who I can share the more mundane things with like work problems, interior décor decisions and Mathew McConnaughey rom-coms, although she begrudges me the latter. I now have someone who can share life with me. I have someone who will not only grow old with me but willgrowwith me.
I asked Jenna to come off the pill three months after she moved to Dublin. I am curious about having a child with Jenna. I want it enough to try, but not too much that I think it will ruin us if it doesn't happen. When I put it like that, she agreed. I think if we had more time, she would have wanted to wait, but we both know we don't always get what we want when we want it. It doesn't break my heart that Jenna hasn't got pregnant yet, mostly because I see it not breaking her heart. I see her happy and full of life. I see her giving her new life in Dublin her all. She has yoga and coffee with my mother once a week - their blossoming friendship the biggest and most bizarre surprise of the year - a gym membership she uses every other day, a workspace where she goesa few times a week to write and meet other creatives, some of whom are slowly becoming friends. Jenna says she didn't give up much leaving London to be with me, but I know she misses her friends, and herbrother who now stays with someone else in London during the winter months, and I never want her to think I don't appreciate what she gave up coming to Ireland.
Our life has become wonderfully normal and brilliantly boring, complete with a full but satisfying routine of work and play, our daily dog walks together in the early afternoon before I start my shift and she takes a break, and then, more often than not she wakes up when I return from work and we shower together. Sometimes, she washes me down like she did that night in Crete after dinner with my family, occasionally taking an orgasm from me as she does. Other times I use up whatever energy I have left taking her, tying her up, fucking and loving her until she's the one that needs to be washed down and put to bed. But always we fall asleep together, our bodies still damp and drying as they find one another.
Every morning we wake to our dogs scratching their paws against our bedroom door and we turn to each other and smile. Then I go for a run with Rocky and his buckets of energy, or a bike ride with Da and his still unfading competitive spirit, while Jenna makes breakfasts and takes AJ and maybe Rocky too for a short walk.
It's during those mornings of exercise that I talk to Arnie most. I tell him stories from the night before at work, and I tell him how good it is having Jenna with me in Dublin. And I thank him. Thank him for leading me to her on that first sunset in Crete with a little help from a mysterious cat, and for taking me back to her five years later, with a little help from my mother.
That's why, as I hold Jenna in my arms, her present still in my hands, a holiday that we both need and deserve, I feel the urge to do something I've been thinking about for a long time.
Just as the last slithers of the sun are sinking into the green hills of County Wicklow, I fall to my knees. Then I prop up one leg, and find Jenna's hands, hold them close in mine as her mouth opens wide.
“Jenna, I know you don't want to get married again, and you know I couldn’t give a flying fuck,” I say as she looks down at me, her eyes widening. “I don't have a ring, but I do want to be with you forever like I have been this last year. I wantthat to be my life, our life. So, I wonder if you willnotmarry me, but instead promise to stay by my side for a lifetime of sunsets?”
“Marty,” Jenna says, and her hands are squeezing mine, so very tight. She glances around her and out of the corner of my eye, I can see people stopping and turning our way. I can hear their hushed murmurings, but I don't turn my head away. It’s possible there are some phones recording this, but I don't care. I am only looking at her, wondering for the millionth time how I survived those five years without her, but believing that our love is the strong glorious thing it is now because I did.
“Promise me?” I prompt her again. She is no closer to forming words, but her features are settling into a smile that makes her eyes sparkle.
“A lifetime of sunsets?” Jenna tilts her head to the side and gravity pulls a tear out of her left eye. But still she smiles.
“Yes,” I say and there are tears in my eyes too, and I fucking love it.
“I promise you a lifetime of sunsets,” she says. “I'm not going anywhere, Aiden O'Martin. Only wherever you go.”
“Thank fuck for that. I need someone strong to carry all my emotional baggage.” I grab hold of her hips and pull her down to sit on my knee.
“No, Marty, you don't. You do that just fine yourself,” she says.
And I find myself wanting to nod in agreement. I think I do okay too.
“I love you, Jenna.” I wrap my arms around her waist, wobbling as I find some balance and slide her closer to me down my thigh.
“I love you too, Marty. But I am going to crush you if I stay sitting here much longer,” she says as her lips linger above mine.
“It will be a grand way to go,” I say and then I take her mouth and ignore the cheering and the clapping I hear, I close my eyes and focus only on her kiss and her hands on my face and our two mad dogs jumping up and bumping into us as I thank fuck I am still here for this moment. I thank fuck that I am here and get to spend the rest of my hopefully long love-filled life with her.
Thank You!
Thank you so much for reading Five Sunsets. I really hope you enjoyed and fell in love with Marty and Jenna as much as I did.
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