"I watched him fade for a week," he says quietly. "A week of that light dimming behind his eyes slowly, inevitably, until it just... went out." His jaw works once. "And I kept thinking... I know that feeling."
My face falls and I can't help myself—I cross to him, wanting to see him clearly.
He looks up at me and shakes his head. Then, almost smiling, he says, "You look so beautiful, baby."
I set my face into neutral and lean over the edge of the table with my arms crossed. "Ben, I need to know what happened."
He nods and takes a deep breath. "I swear I had no idea. It's like some evil prank, I don't even know what to call it." He swallows thickly. "The first thing I told Lisa when I got back was that I wanted a divorce. I told her I'd give her millions just to let us be happy. Thought she'd take it and walk away, but she broke, started crying, and then she told me."
"Why did she tell you now? If it's true you slept with her last time before the tent, it's three months in," I say skeptically.
He throws me an offended look. "Itistrue. The last time I was with her was before we even kissed. I wouldn't lie to you about something like that."
"Then are you sure she's pregnant? That she just didn't make it up?"
He pauses for a second, face giving it away before he confirms it with a slow nod. "Yeah. I've seen the baby."
He has seen the baby...I swallow hard and hope I can manage not to show what that does to me.
"I guess it does make sense now why she would be so overlyemotional over your break-up," I mutter.
"Yeah," he says, his mouth twisting. "She was keeping it a secret the whole time, so I had no idea, but that's why I disappeared—I went to the hospital and took all the tests with her. Then had to deal with her emotionally." He drags in a breath while staring outside the window. "I still couldn't believe it until it was right there, in front of my eyes."
"Why did she keep it a secret, though?"
"Lisa has body-weight issues; had miscarriages before—"
"Miscarriages?" It shoots out of me as I raise my brow.
"Not with me," he rushes out when he sees my sharp look. "With her ex. She always had issues and it was scarring for her, so she wanted to make sure that she passed at least the first trimester before she felt safe telling anyone."
The screen of his computer goes dark, and it feels fitting—the light dying in me.
I swallow hard and shove the mouse to wake the screen. "Continue."
"I know I shouldn't say this, it won't fix anything, you might even hate me more..." he says haltingly, then forces the rest out, "but when I was last with her, I didn't see Lisa, but you. I swear to God, it was you in my head."
My lungs decide to take a sharp breath on their own. My face goes flat, and for some reason, it only makes me angrier.
"Yeah, that sure as hell does not help me now," I snap.
"I know," he says, voice low. "I'm sorry."
I grip the edge of the table and take in his fractured face, staring at him blankly.
"Emma, please, say something," he says after a moment.
"I hate you," I whisper, trying my best not to break. Then my voice sinks even lower, thinner. "I hate you so much."
He slides closer on the chair, desperation snapping whatever restraint he had left, but he doesn't touch me.
"I hate myself so much, you have no idea," he says genuinely. "I'm bad news. You should not be with me."
"Yeah." I give him a sharp nod. "I know that."
He pinches the bridge of his nose, shakes his head. "The thing is, I saw you with Richard in the lobby, and I realized you're his wife. That we're done. No future for us. Then I sent you all those messages in the days after because I wanted to talk about everything, but you didn't reply, and I thought you didn't care, which was killing me—" He notices my pursed lips and sighs. His voice becomes more urgent. "I'm not blaming you. I'm just trying to make you understand what was on my mind."
He can't help himself—he catches my hand and kisses my knuckle. When I don't pull away, he kisses another one, and then another... until he presses his mouth on my palm. "I would never sabotage what we have. Can you at least tell me you believe me?"
