A heady rush of longing and desire washed across the tether, drowning out Oliver’s thoughts as their lips met. His back hit the door as Felipe’s arms bracketed him. Felipe’s firm body pressed into him until all Oliver could feel was Felipe in his arms, his mouth, his thoughts, his heart. There was nothing but him. Pulling back to draw in a ragged breath, Oliver gathered his wits long enough to remove Felipe’s half-buttoned shirt. He kissed Felipe’s neck and nibbled his earlobe as he shucked off his belt and reached for the hem of his trousers. A shuddering breath escaped Oliver’s lips at the skim of Felipe’s hand sliding over his growing erection. No matter how many nights they spent in each other’s arms, Oliver still didn’t understand how he had been so lucky to end up at Felipe Galvan’s side.
“I love you,” Oliver whispered, his voice strained. Even now, the fathomlessness of his love for Felipe startled him. “I love you more than anything or anyone.”
“I love you too, Oliver, more than you could know. Let me show you.”
Locking the door, Felipe beckoned Oliver toward the bed. He kicked off his remaining clothes as Felipe languidly stretched across the coverlet. Oliver swallowed hard at the sight of his lover waiting for him, the muscles and knots and bones Oliver wished he could spend eternity mapping. At the hunger in his eyes, Felipe’s cock pulsed a second before he reached up to pull Oliver into an embrace. Oliver kissed him hard, his fingers trailing into Felipe’s hair while his lover stroked him. Felipe pulled him closer and broke away to sit back on his heels. His eyes trailed from Oliver’s face to his groin with a tilt of his head. Oliver had barely murmured his ascent when Felipe’s lips closed around him, his arm wrapping around Oliver’s thigh to keep him steady. Oliver moaned at the sudden moist, pressure around his cock. Hot, overwhelming, and wonderful all at once Oliver fought to keep his eyes open, to not look away as Felipe drew him all the way in. Drawing in a measured breath, Oliver resisted the urge to move in time with his partner. It didn’t matter that Felipe would bounce back immediately; he wasn’t going to hurt him.
Oliver’s fingers slid through Felipe’s hair and down his neck, scrambling to hold onto anything that would keep him from going over the edge as Felipe’s tongue flicked over his shaft. With each movement, the pressure built in his core, pulling him taut. Felipe’s hand trailed along his thigh with firm strokes, nails skimming just enough to give him goosebumps. At Oliver’s whimper, Felipe smiled around his cock and held his gaze. It was too much, knowing Felipe took pleasure in his body, how his cock bobbed with need out of reach, that roil of pleasure and satisfaction across the tether. Opening his mouth to warn him, nothing came out as Felipe clutched the crest of his hip and redoubled his efforts.
Oliver’s body locked and quivered, his hands gripping Felipe’s shoulders as he spent with a near silent cry. He gasped as Felipe swallowed around him and slowly pulled back. Desire echoed across the tether, hot and sweet. Sinking beside Felipe in a daze, Oliver cupped his face and kissed him, tasting himself on the other man’s lips and tongue. He ran a hand over his cock, pulling a low moan from Felipe’s throat. His pulse pounded beneath Oliver’s touch, his body arching to meet him. He wanted nothing more than to caress and explore all the places that made Felipe come undone.
As Oliver’s fingers trailed lower, Felipe leaned back a fraction and asked, “Can I fuck you this time?”
Oliver stared at him for a long moment, his brain struggling to catch up with what he said, even as his heart quickened with dread.
***
WHEN OLIVER STILLEDon top of him with his grey eyes wide, Felipe quickly added, “If you don’t want to or you aren’t into that, that’s fine. I don’t mind. I just thought we might try something different. It’s always nice when you do it for me.”
Anxiety mingling with something Felipe couldn’t parse out drifted across the tether as Oliver swallowed hard. “Yeah, we— we can try. The oil’s in the nightstand.”
Felipe grabbed the little pot from the drawer, but when he turned to the bed, he found Oliver drawing in long, slow breaths as he lay down. Relaxing wasn’t easy for him. Felipe had hoped that spending would help loosen him up, but that was okay, he would go as slowly as Oliver needed.
“Do you want to flip over? That might be easier if you haven’t in a while.”
“No.” Oliver caught himself and grimaced. “No, I would... I would rather see you.”
A smile crossed Felipe’s lips as he climbed beside Oliver and drew him closer. For a long moment, he merely held Oliver until his body loosened in his arms. Kissing his neck and shoulders, he ventured lower. He traced the scar across his ribs with his tongue, keeping the pressure hard enough to calm Oliver as his fingers worked the flesh of his buttock and thighs. He loved the contrast of who Oliver was to the world versus when they were alone. This was a side of him so few knew, and he was one of the privileged few. Pulling the pillow down, he positioned it under Oliver’s back, but as Felipe slicked some of the oil onto his fingers, Oliver’s breath quickened.
Felipe rubbed Oliver’s leg in long, firm strokes. “I’m going to go slow. If anything is uncomfortable, tell me. You sure you’re okay with this?”
“Yeah,” Oliver replied in a whisper as he shut his eyes.
Taking him in his mouth once more, Felipe waited for Oliver to release a low moan before letting his hand drift between his thighs. Oliver’s body jerked and went still as Felipe gingerly circled and teased the tender flesh. He was tight, so tight Felipe feared he might hurt him, even using just a finger. Shifting back, he was about to suggest Oliver take a deep breath when he saw the look on his face. Oliver bit his lip and stared at the wall with his hands balled in the sheets. Felipe reached for the tether to tell if it was nerves or anticipation and felt nothing. If the tether’s weight hadn’t been lodged beneath his heart, he would have thought it had severed at how completely Oliver was gone when only moments ago, he had felt his arousal coursing through his veins.
“Oliver?” Felipe called gently. With his free hand, he brushed the side of Oliver’s face and turned it back toward him. His grey eyes were glazed with panic, but he quickly shut them and took a shuddering breath. “Oliver, if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to.”
“I do. I want to,” he replied, his voice uncharacteristically tight. “I just have a hard time. Keep going.”
***
OLIVER HELD HIS EMOTIONSin a white-knuckled grip. He didn’t want Felipe to know. He could do this. He could. He would just try harder. When Felipe sat back on his heels and regarded him with a frown, a wave of anxiety-tinged desperation slipped through his fingers. Oliver tried to force his face into blankness, but he couldn’t keep still. His leg twitched and his hand clenched against his will. If Felipe didn’t start again, he wouldn’t be able to suppress it much longer. His partner rested his hand on his leg and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
“I think we should stop.”
Sitting up, Oliver scrambled for something, anything, to make him stay. “No, we can keep going. I’ll relax more, I promise.”
“Love, you aren’t enjoying this. That much is obvious.”
“But you haven’t gotten to yet,” he said, his voice cracking.
“It’s all right. We can do something else later, but let’s stop for now.” Felipe kissed him. “I’m going to go clean up and bring you a washcloth.”
Tears rose in Oliver’s eyes as Felipe slipped out of bed, grabbing his spare robe on his way out the door. Oliver’s throat bobbed. Flinging the pillow onto the floor, he raked his fingers across his scalp. He ruined everything. All Felipe wanted to do was make love to him, and he couldn’t even do that right. He couldn’t do the one thing he asked for. At the patter of Felipe’s slippers on the tile, Oliver pulled the covers close and stayed as still as he could when the mattress dipped beside him. He couldn’t look at Felipe when he handed him the damp cloth. One wrong move, and it would all come spilling out of him. Felipe watched Oliver finger the cloth as if waiting for an explanation he couldn’t give.
“I’m sorry. You were trying to do something nice, and I ruined it. I know you’re probably...”
Felipe shushed him, smoothing his fingers across his wet cheeks. Scooting closer, he rubbed Oliver’s shoulder, though Oliver still couldn’t bear to meet his gaze for fear of what he might find. “I’m not mad. I’m not even upset. I don’t want to do anything that would hurt or upset you, but I’m not sure where I’ve gone wrong. I can’t fix my mistakes unless you tell me.”
