Flinching at the slam of the laboratory door, Oliver uncovered his ears and listened for voices. When he heard none, he slowly opened the closet and peeked out in time to see Felipe sink to the steps with his head in his hands. His breath came in ragged spurts as a wave of panic crested in Oliver’s chest. Oliver ran to his partner’s side, but his eyes trailed to the door, unsure what Felipe would want him to do.
“Do you want me to go after her?” Oliver asked softly.
Felipe bit his lip and shook his head miserably.
“Come here.”
Before Oliver could finish, Felipe folded into his arms. Holding him close, Oliver rubbed his back and kissed his temple. He wished he could take the pain away. He wished he could make the tether long enough that Felipe and Teresa could have the outings and trips she longed for. He wished he could be better for him. Felipe drew in a stifled breath, chest heaving as a torrent of pain, disappointment, and longing rumbled through the space between them. Before Oliver could ask, a sob broke from Felipe’s lips. Oliver froze before tightening his embrace. He had seen Felipe tear up or fall into melancholy, but he had never seen him cry. Kissing his curls and whispering what little comfort he could give into Felipe’s ear, Oliver held Felipe to his heart and waited out the storm on the lab steps.
“I fucked it up, Oliver. I fucked it up so badly,” Felipe whispered between tearful breaths.
“What?”
“I didn’t read her letter, the one you said came. I forgot. I forgot and never looked at it. My daughter hates me, and I deserve it.”
Shaking his head, Oliver pulled the handkerchief from his breast pocket and carefully wiped Felipe’s cheeks before handing it to him. He wrung it between his hands as Oliver settled beside him on the step with his arm around his shoulders.
Felipe’s brown eyes glistened painfully. “I was so consumed with the case that I never opened it.”
“I should have reminded you.”
“I should have remembered. You shouldn’t have to remind me.” A hiccupped sob broke from his lips against his will as he said, “I missed her fencing exhibition because I was too absorbed in the case to think of anything else.”
“It was an accident. Surely, she must understand that you didn’t mean to.”
“That makes it worse, Oliver! Don’t you see? I promised her I would do better. I promised myself the same, but look at me, I just make everything worse. I missed her whole fucking childhood, Louisa ended up resenting me because of my job, and I stabbed you. What is wrong with me?”
Catching Felipe’s arms, Oliver held him firmly. “Stop. Look at me and take a deep breath.”
After a beat, Felipe hesitantly met Oliver’s gaze and drew in a rattling wet breath that sounded as painful as it did sorrowful. God, he hated seeing him spiral like this.
“There is nothing wrong with you, Felipe. It was an accident. Teresa is angry now, but she loves you. She will calm down, and then you can have a real discussion with her. That wasn’t going to happen with her already upset. I promise, you will make it up to her somehow. It might require having a conversation with Louisa and Agatha, but youwillfigure this out. Parents and children fight, you know that.” Oliver gently swept the walnut curls from Felipe’s brow. “Remember, when you said you didn’t want to be the person you used to be? This is just part of it. Teresa will also have to get accustomed to the new you.”
***
THE NEW ME.Felipe stared at Oliver’s tentative, comforting smile and sweet grey eyes through the blur of spent tears. The man who loved him so deeply it kept his heart beating didn’t understand. He couldn’t. The person he needed to be, the father Teresa wanted, was dead. In getting a second chance at life, he had lost the ability to stay at the house like they were a normal family or to go to the opera or a gallery without Oliver in tow, not that he wanted to be without him. He loved Oliver and Teresa equally—differently—but no matter what, it would look like he loved Oliver more because he couldn’t or wouldn’t do what she wanted. Shoving his knuckles into his eyes, he fought back another volley of tears.
“Maybe— maybe, it would help to tell her and the others what happened to you. It might make things easier for you,” Oliver said cautiously.
Felipe’s lungs strained against his ribs. How was he supposed to tell Teresa he couldn’t do what she wanted because he had gotten himself killed doing his job? His whole life he had told her not to worry when he was away because he healed. No matter what happened, he would be fine, but he wasn’t. He had lied to her all those years and lied to himself as he took bullets, bites, and burns, thinking nothing could kill him but time. After all that, how could he sit his family down and say,I died? He could barely say it to himself. Oliver’s arm tightened around his shoulders as he pulled Felipe closer. A faint pressure crossed the tether like an outstretched hand. His juddering pulse slowed little-by-little as it had upstairs while fighting with Ansley until it fell into a more normal cadence. It was strange and more than a bit disconcerting, but at least it cleared his head enough to think. Swallowing against the thickness in his throat, Felipe wiped his face with Oliver’s handkerchief and sagged against him.
“I don’t know if I can do it,” he whispered.
“You don’t have to yet, and I’m not going to force you to do it or do it behind your back if you don’t. This is your secret to tell. I just think it might help to put some things in perspective. Teresa might be hurt you didn’t tell her earlier, but she might be more understanding.” At Felipe’s sigh, Oliver rubbed his arm and kissed his cheek. “No matter what happens, I’ll be there to support you, Felipe.”
“I know you will.”
Leaving him on the steps to blow his nose and pull himself together, Oliver filled a cup of coffee and doctored it up the way Felipe liked. He helped him up and stuck the cup in his hand before herding him into a proper chair. For a long moment, Oliver watched him with a concerned frown, but when Felipe showed no signs of breaking down again, Oliver returned to his pile of notes.
“Do you still want to go to Sunday dinner? Not that we’re telling them anything then, but I want to plan ahead.”
“We probably should. I don’t want Teresa to think I’m avoiding her, and it should be enough time to take the sting out of my mistake... I hope.”
“It will.” Picking up his pencil, Oliver twirled it thoughtfully between his fingers. “How did it go with Ansley and the head inspector? I assume not well if the tether was any indication.”
Felipe released a grunt of disgust before taking a swig of coffee. “I don’t want to deal with the Federal Branch ever again. Between the egos, the hierarchy, and the powerplays, there’s barely room for a functional investigation.” Shaking his head, he turned to Oliver. Better to get this over with. “I tried to avoid it, but they want you to make an appointment with Dr. Yates’s secretary this afternoon for an interview. You don’t have to speak with Yates, and you may not ever have to go to the interview, but they want it in case. I know it’s short notice, and I told them that, but—”
“It’s all right. After last night’s conversation, I figured this was coming,” Oliver replied with a resigned shrug. “According to Joe’s schedule, if we go between three and three-forty, Dr. Yates will be away on his rounds and too busy to speak to meandit should intersect with Joe’s second smoke break. What day should I make the interview for?”
