“I know you don’t know him too well yet, but I think he’s going to adore you too. I think you’ll understand me better once you realize he’s my brother more than my cousin. I want, so much, for you to get the chance to know him as Harry and not Harrison Theodore Crawford. It’s a little weird that next time you see him he’s going to be playing the part of tycoon, but I hope that eventually you’ll get to laugh at his jokes, that you’ll get to tease him for being a philanderer just like his kids, that you’ll experience the total devotion and adoration every person who meets Theo has for him because he’s the best human to ever walk this earth. I want you to feel that thrilling fear of knowing one day this city will be in Iris’s hands. I want you to join me in dreading the day she falls in love and some undeserving schmuck gets to meet me.”
I have to snort at that, but then I realize...
“The little I talked to her today was enough to understand that last part,” I confess, smiling up at him. “I already know not even a saint will ever be good enough for her.”His small smile comes back and he brings our interlocked hands up to his mouth to kiss my knuckles.
“For all the love I have for Bran, it’s Iris who’s given me my biggest moment of fear in life. At fourteen, back when she still didn’t know I existed, she was kidnapped. She was held only for ten minutes thanks to the quick actions of her bodyguard, but since it was some Italian lackeys who did the job, Harry and I feared for years that our secret—our parents’ secret—was finally out.” A sharp breath gets stuck in my throat. I didn’t know about this. No one knows about this.
But Eian restarts my heart with two simple words.
“It wasn’t.” He kisses my hand again before continuing. “It took years of careful conversation with Venuti since I couldn’t just fucking ask him, but eventually I found out he only wanted to twist Harry’s arm into giving up some property to him, and it was only a few weeks after I got the final confirmation that that was the truth when Iris declared she was moving to Boston for college.”
“Jesus, that’s terrifying.”
“It was, but I found out after she was safe and sound in the hospital.”
“Hospital?”
“They knocked her out,” Eian growls, and I have a strong suspicion that those men are... no longer with us.
I can’t say I’m even a little bit sorry about that. They probably got what they deserved.
“But now you’ve met her, you know she’s my niece and one of my favorite people on earth. You know how important Harry is to me, you met Nan and let her fuss over you for hours on end, and you’ll meet Theo soon, I’m sure. Everything Da ever told me about love pales in comparison to what I feel right now. Having you and Maggie in my room, in my home, as part of this strange family.”
“That’s a lot,” I whisper past the lump in my throat. It’s a pretty lame thing to say after everything that just spilled out of him, but I’ve never really had great first reactions to emotional shit.
“I’m always going to be a lot, Colby.” The whisper is almost a threat, almost scared, almost apologetic, but it’s also none of those things.
I focus on his eyes, that sparkling light coming through them, and breathe in deep, trying to get my shit together so I won’t say the wrong thing here. Right this second it feels more important than ever that I find the perfect words.
“But not too much,” I whisper back, hoping he understands what I’m trying to say. He is a lot, always, but I can handle it. Iwantto handle it. His eyes crinkle at the edges and his lips part in the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him.
“Are you ready to tell me what’s on your mind now?”
He untangles his fingers from mine and combs the hair at my temple.
I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation and that insanely powerful feeling of safety he seems to bring out in me. It makes me brave enough to spill everything that’s inside me.
“I feel like I’m at the end of a really high tightrope, like only the perfect next step will mean I’m going to get to the finish line. I don’t even know what the finish line is, but I feel like everything that’s happened the past month, everything I survived, all the work we did, will be for nothing if I don’t say the exact right words. If I don’t speak in the best way possible.”
I can tell from his frown that he’s following along with my weird metaphor as best he can, but that it’s still not making complete sense to him.
I don’t blame him. It hardly makes perfect sense to me.
I feel like I need to keep going though, because... because maybe I’m just an inch closer to the ledge, to the solid ground.
“I want to ask what comes next. I want to know if...” I gulp, knowing this is the bravest thing I’ll ever say. “If you want Maggie and me to stay here. I don’t know how much more I can actually offer you in terms of my work. I don’t know what’s going to happen next there, but I—” God, why the fuck is it so hard to say exactly what I want tohappen? I already told him I love him for fuck’s sake. This is nothing compared to that.
Well, not nothing,I reason with myself.Now more than ever I need to think about Maggie.
“I don’t really want Maggie and me to go back to the apartment. Don’t get me wrong, I kinda love that little place because it was Maggie’s first home, and the Murphys are great neighbors, but at the same time I... I love it here. I think Maggie does too.”
Though that last part comes out slow and low, I’m not worried about Eian hearing me clearly, and his smile, still so big and brilliant, gives me the final push to say everything I need.
“It’s because of you, of course. I don’t want to assume... anything with you. I think I need you to spell things out for me, maybe. And I don’t want us to stay here to freeload or anything. In fact, I’d like to contribute in some way if we stay permanently. I have money from the sale of my apartment that—right, you know about that. You told me when you did that crazy scary speech the first time we talked. I have a lot of...issueswith money. Like, mental issues. Because of my childhood. Because we really didn’t have much at the orphanage, and I lived there for eight years before my dad adopted me. Even growing up with him in his apartment and having more than enough, I still always think that I have to be careful. Save money, you know? For a rainy day. So yeah, I can contribute.
“And when it comes to Maggie.” I take a breath to buy some time, and finally I can’t hold eye contact with him anymore. I close my eyes. “I know you said you loved me and wouldn’t let me leave, but I don’t want Maggie to feel like an afterthought for the rest of my life. For you. I want you to be—shit,” I hiss, hating that there’s no good way of saying this, of asking. “I know you’re a good father because I’ve met Bran. And I understand this is very different, and I don’t want to be pushy, but I mean, if we’re together...” I open my eyes. He needs to know I mean this. “Then Maggie is part of the package, you know? There’s no me without her.”
I’m panting by the time I finally shut my damn mouth, and though his smile didn’t vanish, there’s now an imperious arch to his brows, as if he’s asking me if I’m done.
