This time I don’t stand frozen.
This time I kiss him back, mold my lips to his and wrap my arms around him to bring his body flush to mine.I nudge his lips open and fuck if he doesn’t give in instantly, fuck if he doesn’t lick at my lower lip before biting gently.
“God, AJ,” I growl and put only a fraction of an inch between us.
“I don’t want you to get over anything,” he murmurs, and leans up to rest his forehead against mine. “I only want you to be happy, Cam, and I want you to be happy with me.”
10
AJ
Even I knowthat was a very intense, maybe insane thing to say.
Right now it feels like I could float away with how bubbly my insides are, but I can’t go all AJ and ruin this.
I won’t let myself ruin this.
There has to be some thinking time, not only doing time, after that kiss.
Goddamn, that kiss.
It was everything I’ve been dreaming about this past week, and everything I was making myself ignore.
Now I don’t have to ignore it. Now I can finally?—
I lean up and give him another kiss, quick and to the point, but then.. . it’s not enough.
So I go in for another, and then another.
“Your lips are so soft and bouncy,” I mutter, and whenI realize what I just said, I have to cringe. “Sorry, is that a good thing to say? God, I’m already ruining this.” It might sound like a childish whine but inside my head all I can think is the awful symphony of, “You’re so stupid, AJ. So stupid, so, so stupid.”
“It’s a really good thing to say, and you’re not ruining anything,” Cam murmurs and renders that voice inside me mute. His smile, soft and kind, always has that effect on the asshole that tells me mean things.
Right then and there I decide I’mnotgoing to fuck this up, and the first decision I make to ensure it is to step back. Because in his eyes, I can see the confusion, the hope, and the fear.
I don’t mind the confusion—hello, I’m having a sexual awakening myself and that shit is confusing as fuck—and I sure as fuck love the hope, but the fear is the reason why that whole fake boyfriend thing was even necessary. I’m not going to be another man who breaks his heart and crushes his hopes, just like he doesn’t want to be another person who takes advantage of me.
That is not who we’re going to be to each other, ever, so I take that step back, then breathe in deeply like I do before every game.
“I need to get ready for my interview.”
“What interview?” he asks, now looking only confused.
“I really like that me kissing you made you forget about everything you’re always reminding me of.” I can’t help teasing him. “I’m awesome like that, huh?”
I love how he rolls his eyes at me, because he’salwaysrolling his eyes at me like that, so nothing has really changed even though so muchhaschanged. And more will change too—soon, I hope.
But first I’ve gotta make sure I have all the right... tools... yeah, tools, to make sure this isn’t one more thing I fuck up.
“Yeah, you’re awesome,” he mumbles eventually.
“Glad we’re on the same page.” I wink just to get him to laugh, and as always, it works. “So yeah, I need to go get ready for that, and you need to go home and probably think all of this through, but let me just say this... I want a lot more of those kisses, and maybe I want more than kissing, and you’re one of the most important people in my life, Cam. Never forget that.”
Telling him that I love him—even if it’s true because it’s not the romantic type of loveyet—isn’t the best idea right now, I don’t think. So I leave it at that for now.
“See you here on Saturday?”
“Yeah,” he says distractedly, while his eyes track me. “Just tell me what I should bring.”
