Man, how dare he? Seriously, now that a little while has passed, I just can’t understand the fucking audacity.
If he comes up to us again, I’m gonna have to rein myself in, I know that, and Iamgrateful that Cam pulled me away from him, but dammit, it’s not fair.
Cam should never have been in the position to doubt coming to this thing.
He never should’ve needed my support here, but it’s all Soren’s fault, and I’m not going to let him ruin the rest of the fucking weekend—or the rest of Cam’s life.
Timbers& Tallboys is already pretty packed even though this portion of the evening—according to the weekend program I found in a table back at the school—isn’t supposed to start for another two hours.
Cam and all his friends wanted to come over now, though, and I’m freaking glad. The “icebreaker” and “informal mingling” felt a bit too... formal, and being around more people in a smaller space means there are less people looking at me.
The bar is a lot more chill, and I think people look happier to be here. It’s full of emotions but... better ones.
Caden is nowhere to be seen, and when I ask Camabout it, he only shrugs, and that’s the first clue that something isn’t right.
He hasn’t really talked to me, and I...
Well, he’s probably given me a lot of clues, which I’ve missed, but now that I’m caught up, I test things out and grab his hand.
He goes stiff all over for a second but then relaxes his fingers and grips me back.
It’s forced, though.
I can tell it’s forced and that just won’t do.
“Are you okay?” I lean in right by his ear so no one will hear.
“I need some air,” he croaks out, so without thinking about it, I pull him back and smile at his friends who are reliving what I’m sure was only one of many amazing basketball games from way back.
“We’ll be back in a few,” I tell them, and then turn around.
People make way for us, and yeah, they might stare, but we’re two big guys and I choose to believe that’s why.
I drag Cam around the corner to the side of the buildings, and take one step back away from him when he leans against the wall and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
I have no way of knowing if he needs space from me or from everyone else—maybe both? And before I can ask, he starts chuckling softly.
It doesn’t sound too happy, though.
“This is so fucking stupid,” he says. And I know he’s talking to himself because he just keeps going. “I shouldn’tfuckingcare.” He hisses that last word, then his face contorts into a painful grimace, and I can’t stay back anymore. Even if I did do something to upset him, I can’t just stand by and watch him beat himself up over this.
“What you should or shouldn’t do isn’t important here, Cam.” His dark eyes snap to me and I can tell my words aren’t really getting through to him. “Cam, you’re allowed to not feel awesome all the time.”
He scoffs and shakes his head at that.
“You do.”
“No I don’t,” I protest, but he keeps shaking his head, so I press on. “I don’t, Cam. I was really fucking angry when that asshole came up to us. That’s not awesome. I was also nervous as hell when we were walking into that gym. I don’t want to embarrass you. I could say something stupid any second and people would know?—”
“You never say anything stupid!” he snaps and pushes away from the wall and walks right up to me. “You’re not stupid and nothing you ever say or think is stupid, okay?”
I know he’s wrong.
“Enough people have said that about me to make it very clear that sometimes I do say stupid shit.”
“Fuck other people,” he shouts. “This is what I mean, AJ.” His chest heaves as he looks down at me. “We shouldn’t fucking care what other people think. I care whatyouthink. I care what my mother thinks, and I care what Caden and the guys think about me. Because you’re all good people. But everyone else who has never doneanything for me? Fucking Soren? Why the fuck do I care what he thinks?”
It’s right on the tip of my tongue...Because you loved him once. But I can’t bring myself to say it. I can’t remind him—and me—of that teenage mistake.
