He shouldn’t have to be.
“If any of my sponsors drop my contract then that’s their loss, and I wouldn’t want to work with bigots anyway, so don’t even worry about that.”
After another deep breath, this one more controlled, I nod and concede him all those points.
“The one other thing I’ve thought about is how to deal with the public if it gets out.” AJ sounds so... calm. He’s no longer overexcited or jumping out of his skin, but he does reach for the tortilla chips again. “I can make a simple post soon. If we go out to dinner or whatever, we can take a selfie and I’ll post it. We don’t have to hold hands or anything, but maybe hugging, and I can just put something about how grateful I am to have you beside me, and that doesn’t scream boyfriends, but if anyone at the reunion wonders, then there’s some proof right there from months back.”
“That’s a good idea,” I murmur, hating myself for how impressed I am that he thought of that.
“And then if pictures of the reunion come out, wellthen, we don’t hold hands for those and we can just say I was your plus one and be done with it. If anyone at the reunion goes to the press, then we can say that person’s delusional and tell your mom so she doesn’t worry.”
“That is a lot of lying,” I muse, still not sure about how comfortable I am with any of it.
“It is, but we’ve got time to think it through.”
“Yeah, we do.” And with that I shove it all away from my thoughts. “Now you need to focus on football.”
“Fuck yeah,” he cheers, then goes diving for the salsa.
Only a week and a half later,I can’t force my mind to think about anything but the reunion.
Seeing Soren again, and for the last time, finding a way to forget him and his words... I want it more in this moment than I ever have, because spending New Year’s alone in my house really would be a depressing night.
It cements my resolve to get things at the reunion right, so that afterward I can finally start building the life I want.
I want love, I want to share my life with another man and to never spend a New Year’s Eve alone again.
I’ll get over that awful Valentine’s Day from twenty years ago—and it’s still pathetic that I haven’t, but I try not to dwell on that—and I’ll find my man. Whoever he is, wherever he is... I’ll find him.
Three weeks later, that confidence I found hasn’t leftme, even when AJ loses in the Wildcard Weekend against New Mexico.
He’s in a shitty mood when I intercept him before he even hits the locker room, but he lets me hug him and pat him on the back. When he comes out of the locker room, his frown is even darker, though, and I know I have to find a way to let him feel his feelings for a day, then I’ll cheer him up... somehow.
He asks me to have a late-night dinner of room service with him, and of course I agree. While we’re devouring pasta and chicken, he straightens up suddenly and there’s a new twinkle in his eyes.
“At least now I get to spend more time preparing for the reunion.”
He doesn’t sound cheerful, not exactly, but at least he’s not grumbling.
“You also have a lot of work to do in the off-season.” I don’t manage to sound stern at all.
“Man,” he whines and slumps back in his chair. “Can’t we schedule all the commercials and interviews and photoshoots for after the reunion?” He sounds like a little kid bargaining not to go to school, and I can’t be mad at it. “I feel like I need an actual vacation.”
“But then we won’t be able to work on this.” I wave a hand between us.
“No, this will be fun! I’ll find other ways to prove we’ve been together for some time without making a whole circus for everyone in the world to know. Only if people look deeply. Like, tomorrow I’ll post anotherpicture of us, of me just thanking you for your support or something. That’s innocent enough, but like the one last month, it’ll do the trick.”
I was relieved when I saw no comments hinting that we were more than agent and client or even friends. Mostly people were oohing and ahhing over how amazing AJ is, how thoughtful, grateful, and yes, cute he always comes across. I know someone else who thinks that…
There’s a few moments of silence where we go back to our food, but then he looks up again and I feel dread rising in my stomach.
“Then we need to figure out when we’re telling your mom we’re seeing each other. She has to know before anyone else.”
I’ve been putting that off, but it seems AJ’s not having it anymore.
Shit.
4
