The last word from the Maiers was a letter from Hanna in June 1945. Then fifteen, she had thanked me for my letters the past few years—they’d finally received most of them—and told me they had all survived the war, including the boys, who’d been conscripted at eighteen and sixteen for the invasion of Slovakia.Johannes had survived, too, though he was in a prisoner-of-war camp in Britain and Hanna didn’t know when he would be returned home. Hanna had also said that her grandparents were selling the house in Innsbruck and they were all moving, but the final plans were still undecided. I had written back straightaway but had heard nothing since.
For two and half years, there had been nothing.
After swinging by the lake, I opened the back-door entrance to the little Cistercian convent and primary school that had been my home and refuge for the last seven years. I stepped through the school’s kitchen and cafeteria and down the darkened hall to pass by Sister Gertrude’s office. I was surprised to see the nun sitting behind her desk on a Saturday. She looked up at me and smiled.
In the years that I’d been Sister Gertrude’s friend and a teacher at the little school she and the other nuns ran, I’d grown to think of her as a true sister, the one I had never had and had always wanted. It had been a long time since I had enjoyed a sibling bond that felt intimate, and I knew this had been my fault. I had moved away from Truman and stayed away. For decades. We had exchanged letters, and I had taken those two trips home to see him and his family, but I regretted not having invested more time and effort into our relationship. And, of course, it was too late now.
I stopped at the open door to Sister Gertrude’s office. “I wasn’t expecting to see you in your office on the weekend.”
“Just finishing up some correspondence. Any word on the extension of your visa?”
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“What’s that, then? Did you finally hear from the Maiers?” She nodded to the envelope in my hand.
“Return to sender. I suppose it was silly to think the Austrian postal service might still forward something after two years. I don’t know why I tried again. I was just feeling... optimistic.”
“Nothing wrong with that. Nothing ever wrong with that.”
I smiled. Sister Gertrude never failed to see the possible and pleasant, no matter how hopeless a situation seemed.
“You know, it’s quite possible the Maiers returned to Vienna after all,” the nun continued.
“I don’t think so. In Hanna’s last letter she said Martine vowed she was never taking them back there. I’m not surprised, really. But I am perplexed Martine chose to leave no forwarding address and that neither Hanna nor the twins have written to me.”
“And tell me again how old the youngest would be now?” Sister Gertrude motioned for me to take the chair in front of her desk.
I stepped fully inside and sat down. “Hanna would be seventeen now. I know what you’re thinking. It’s been a very long time since those children needed a nanny and I should just let them go. Perhaps that’s what they’ve done with me.”
“Actually, I was thinking you might want to see for yourself if perhaps the Maier family has returned to Vienna. Maybe they did. Maybe enough time has passed and Frau Maier changed her mind.”
“Do you think I should write to them at the address in Vienna?”
Sister Gertrude stroked her chin. “Perhaps you should just go. Go back to Vienna. I have felt for a long time that you need to return, and not just to seek out those children but to set your soul at peace. It bothers you that you do not know what has become of this little family, doesn’t it? Especially after all that happened to them, and to you when you were with them.”
“It does bother me.” I sat back in the chair. I had spent many an evening with Sister Gertrude like this, after the day was done and especially after the last child was rescued, as we sipped schnapps and spoke about what mattered most to us. “But I can’t just hop on the next train for Vienna. I have classes to teach.”
“Sister Agathe is quite capable of taking your classes. As you well know.”
“I suppose. But it’s still such a complicated trip, isn’t it? All those occupied zones to go through.”
The end of the war and the ousting of the Nazis from Austria didn’t mean it was again its own sovereign nation. Four occupying powers controlled the country.
“A bit complicated, perhaps. But not impossible,” she said. “I took that trip to see Emilie in Theresienfeld without too much trouble.”
We were silent for a moment.
“I think you should at least try to take care of this, Helen. As your friend, I am asking you to. And as headmistress of this school, I am telling you. You are a good teacher, the children are fond of you, but I have long sensed that you have unfinished business in Vienna.”
I felt a pang in my chest, and the opening of a box I’d thought was nailed tightly shut. “You’ve never said anything about this before.”
“I know. I should have.”
“Have I not done a good job here?”
“On the contrary, you’ve performed remarkably well considering your heart seems to be so unsettled. I thought perhaps it was just the loss of your brother, but that was five years ago. I should’ve figured it out before. It’s this family and what happened to that little girl that still troubles you. I think you owe it to yourself to find the peace you lack.”
I was quiet as I sat in the chair, thinking. It wasn’t as if the sister was suggesting something I hadn’t thought of myself, but every time I’d considered returning to Vienna, for even just a short visit, I’d tossed the notion away. What was the purpose of going if the Maiers weren’t there? I wanted Martine to absolve me. To forgive me. I had worked through some of my remorse by helping to rescue other children, but Brigitta was the one I had loved. She was the one I had failed.
