“Cassie said some guy was there with you too,” my momremarks what she thinks is carefully. It’s hilarious how obvious it is she’s dying to know about him.
“I swear it’s like a CIA network around here. It’s no big deal yet. He’s just a guy from school.”
“Ace texted me about him too,” my dad admits. “Asked me if I own a shotgun. Something about not trusting anyone and doing my dadly diligence.”
What the hell?
I roll my eyes. “He’s being a weirdo. Drew is fine. You don’t have to bust out shotguns or be dadly, I swear. We’ve had one interrupted date and then partied with Ace’s parents. I’d hardly say you need to be knitting grandbaby clothes.”
“Julia!” my mom whispers, but my dad just laughs.
“Well, okay then. Let me know if it gets more serious, and I’ll get involved.”
I giggle. “Thanks, Daddy.”
He winks at me over the paper and goes back to reading it, and I jump up to grab an omelet from the pan and a couple of pieces of bacon. My grandfather, Dick, got up and made them earlier while he was waiting for my grandmother to come back with their travel trailer during street cleaning. He finished breakfast and then went down to save the spot for her to park in right after the sweeper went by.
It’s funny, really, but they’re a great example of real love. Of give-and-take. Of fun and acceptance. It probably doesn’t hurt that my grandmother has been a sex therapist for her entire adult life, and because my grandparents have zero filter, I have too much knowledge that their sex life reflects that.
And yes, that is very much both disturbing and endearing.
I take my plate and move over to the window seat overlooking the street.
My grandpa moves out of the spot he’s been saving and waves my grandma in with their truck and trailer, a bright-pinksign with a vagina-shaped flower on the side declaring “Heals on Wheels.”
My grandmother, Savannah Cummings, my mother’s mother, is one of the most popular sex therapists on the East Coast. Since hitting the road to see the country in their camper, Savannah has taken her therapy to the streets as well. She’s helped people in forty out of fifty states, according to her records, and I can practically hear the satisfied moans from here.
My phone buzzes from my lap, and I pick it up to look at it while I watch my grandma park their massive trailer in the middle of Manhattan. Honestly, she’s pretty much a badass the way she can handle it.
Ace: What a fucking shitshow. You would not believe the amount of stuff there is to clean this morning and Gunnar is nowhere to be found
I giggle and type a message back.
Me: He’s probably back in the Bahamas.
Ace: Holy shit don’t even joke because that is so possible
Me: If it makes you feel any better, you’re not the only one with family tales. My grandparents are backing in their Heals on Wheels travel trailer in front of our building as we speak, and a guy in a blue Buick LeSabre just got out and kissed my grandpa on the mouth before going into the trailer with my grandma. I’m pretty sure it’s therapy happening in there, but it could be a swingers moment.
Ace: Savannah and Dick are in town? Are you in Manhattan still because if you are you should meet me for breakfast. My mom is passed out on the couch with a bag of peas between her legs and my dad is singing Britney Spears at the top of his lungs while he destroys our baseboards with a vacuum I’m pretty sure I can escape unnoticed
Me: Yeah, we stayed in the city. My mom and dad came in when they started getting the texts about the party, so I could come back here and my dad could come over and intervene if needed. I’m already having an omelet my grandpa made, but you can come over. We’ll go do something.
Ace: Sounds good I’ll be there in 30
Me: Cool. Just one thing, tho… Why are you texting my dad about Drew and shotguns? You don’t trust your own best friend’s judgment?
Ace: New number who dis
Me: Ace. Be serious. You don’t like Drew?
Ace: He’s fine I was just hyped up from the party. No worries okay
Me: I don’t like it. In fact, it kind of made me mad. You should trust me more.
Ace: I’m sorry. You know I trust you. I trust you more than anyone. Even more than Finn and that kid is pretty fucking stand-up you know. This had nothing to do with me trusting you and more me having a hard time trusting other people to treat my best friend right.
Not going to lie, I was pretty pissed off he’d texted my dad about Drew, but I get what he’s saying. And it’s kind of sweet he was being protective of me.
