Suddenly, the room is filled with more frat guys shouting and laughing. Their voices echo off the cement walls of the small room as they barge inside. Someone bumps into Ace, jostling him, and then there’s space between us.
I step back, gulping air that’ll pull me back to rationality. It tastes like stale hops and regret.
My skin aches from the loss of contact, but I revel in it, willing it to make me stronger.
And then I feel Drew’s arm slide around my waist. “There you are, babe. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He looks down at me and then over at Ace. “Hey, man,” he greets, half smiling, clueless and oblivious to the wreckage in front of him. “Unbelievable event tonight, by the way. You’re a fucking evil genius.”
“Thanks.” Ace’s eyes never leave mine, too bright in the black light, like bottled storm clouds. I want to reach across the two feet between us and drag him back, but my feet stay planted, cemented by guilt and fear and all the words I said that night in my apartment when he kissed me and told me he was in love with me. Words I meant for better or for worse.
Drew’s saying something about the snake—Was it real? Did anyone freak out?—but all I can hear is my pulse in my ears and the silent thunder of things Ace isn’t saying.
His gaze flicks to the hand at my waist, and something cracks across his face. Without a word, he steps sideways through the doorway, and he’s gone.
My breath whooshes out like someone punched me.
I stare at the empty space where Ace was, neon paint stillglowing on the wall behind him, and the room is suddenly too loud, too hot, tooeverything.
“Jules?” Drew squeezes my hip. “Everything good between you and Ace now?” he asks, his eyes searching mine curiously.
“I don’t know.” I shrug it off like it’s no big deal. Like the dismal state of our friendship isn’t slowly eating me alive. “But I’m sure we’ll figure it out eventually.”
I’ll never be whole again if we don’t.
Ace
My phone buzzes in my pocket as I’m walking through my door. My heart hitches in speed as I fumble to see the notification on the screen. But it’s not who I was hoping to hear from, and the corresponding disappointment is my own damn fault. Frankly, I’m an idiot for thinking she’d reach out to me at this point.
Boden: Dude. Where are you?
After I left my pathetic heart beating on the floor in the keg room beside Julia’s feet, a bleeding third wheel to her and Drew, I headed to the room in the Pi Gamma house that holds all the liquor. I took four shots of tequila and forced myself to mingle at the party.
The booze might’ve given me a buzz, but it didn’t quell the racing thoughts inside my damn head. All I could think about was Julia. Julia with Drew. Julia kissing Drew. Drew with his stupid arm around her waist, grinning down at her like she belongs to him and his eyebrows.
I have to squint to focus on the fucking screen, and my fingers stumble a little as I type out a text.
Me: Left earlys. At my plaz..
Before I know it, Finn is chiming into our group chat.
Finn: Fuck, Ace. You okay?
Am I okay? The question makes me burst into laughter.
Me: I ams fabulus.
So fucking fabulous that I’ve found myself leaving another party early. Another party I fucking planned, mind you.
Things are going really fucking well!
My phone buzzes again, but I ignore it and snag my headphones off my bed, sliding them over my ears. I tap on a random Spotify playlist, hit play, and crank the volume up as high as I can tolerate.
Frankly, I’m not in the mood for music, but I really don’t want to hear anything right now. Not Julia’s door opening or her voice in the hallway or the sound of her coming home from the party…with Eyebrows.
But when the silence around me still feels like too much, I turn up the volume a little more while an aggressive beat blares in my ears.
I can’t handle silence right now.
The silence lets me think. And all I can think about is how her big blue eyes looked when she stared up at me. How good she felt in my arms. How badly I wanted to kiss her and how close I was to kissing her.
