Seventeen hours and forty-six minutes now. And yet, there’s no knock on my door. There’s no text. No paper airplane through the window with“I miss you”written in Ace’s scratchy handwriting.
Fifteen minutes. That’s our rule. We fight. We stew. We cool off. But fifteen minutes later, we’re back. One of us shows up. We say we’re sorry. We fix it.
I glance at my phone again, not because I expect anything—but because I can’t help it. I am programmed to beg for Ace’s leftovers.
Drew notices. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I force a smile and pointedly set my phone down. “Just a group chat blowing up.”
He leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek. “You’re quiet this morning, babe. Maybe I should’ve let you sleep in.”
“It’s no big deal. I was basically tossing and turning all night anyway. Pretty sure getting up and getting moving was a good thing.” Which is true. I slept like garbage. I dreamed of nothing, and I woke up feeling heavy, like I was drowning with my shoes on.
Drew gets up and brings me one of the coffees he picked up at Brower on his way here this morning and sets it in front of me. “Hazelnut, right?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Thanks.”
He’s good. Thoughtful. The kind of guy who remembers what you order and pulls out your chair and probably sends flowers on random Tuesdays.
And still, my chest aches.
Because Ace looked at me like I’d broken something he didn’tknow how to fix last night, and I fear his look is right. You can’t lie to someone over and over and not expect consequences. And I can’t disrespect myself so much I lie down and take it.
Last night, I lay in bed for hours replaying everything, hoping to find a sliver of regret. Something I could be the one to apologize for—something to build a ladder out of this hole.
But I don’t have regrets; I spoke my truth. I’ve been waiting on Ace’s sidelines for years. And even though I’ve always told myself we were just best friends, there’s always been a part of me that’s wanted more.
Looking back on it, I barely dated anyone in high school because of that. But Ace? He datedeveryone.And I had to sit back and watch the cycle play out.
I guess it could be said that I helped create this situation by keeping my feelings to myself, but I didn’t want to push him away. Selfishly, I wanted his attention however I could get it. I know that wasn’t fair of me, but I can’t go back and change the past. I can only move forward. And no matter how badly my heart aches over the idea of Ace not being around, I simply can’t bring myself to implode my life all because Ace Kelly has decided for the moment that he wants to be with me.
His attention span is short when it comes to girls. He’s a love-’em-and-leave-’em type. And what kind of emotional state would I be in if I let myself experience being in his rotation? One month of happy bliss for years and years of heartache?
I guess either way we’ll never be the same. Not after this.
I swallow hard against a throat clogged with emotion and force myself to focus on Drew. I’m still warring with myself over telling him that I kissed Ace last night because I know it’s the moral high road, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I’m too emotionally inebriated to drive it right now.
Maybe in a few days or weeks, it’ll feel easier to navigate.
And I know that’s wrong, but I’ve spent a lot of years putting myself last, and today, I can’t do it.
“Did you have any pets before Yoko?” Drew asks, and I make a concerted effort to be present in the conversation.
“I did,” I say with a little smile as I recall childhood memories of our Great Dane Stan and our cat Walter. “It’s actually a funny story.”
“I’m all ears.”
“When my mom started dating my dad, he had a cat named Walter,” I tell him. “And Walter pretty much hated my dad, but he loved my mom. And after they got married, while they were on their honeymoon, their best friends Thatch and Cassie were in charge of watching Walter.”
“Wait…Thatch and Cassie…that’s Ace’s parents, right?”
Goodness. All of my roads really do lead back to Ace.
“Mm-hmm,” I mutter and clear my throat.
“And what happened?”
“Well, Walter escaped their apartment—it’s still unknown whose fault it was, but he ended up lost in the city, and ultimately, animal control got ahold of him and brought him to a local shelter,” I explain. “Walter, being the grumpy cat that he is, gave the staff a hell of a time. But eventually, he set his sights on this Great Dane puppy that was in a kennel there. The rest is pretty much history. Walter and Stan fell in love, and when my parents got back from their honeymoon and went to pick up Walter, they ended up coming home with a new puppy named Stan.”
