Ace
“You think I’m…” I have to pause and swallow hard against the bile because that question hits harder than anything anyone’s ever said to me. “You think I’m just keeping you around for backup?”
Worse than getting dumped. Worse than losing a game. Worse than watching her kiss Drew.
Julia’s question burns and consumes like lava because it’shersaying itto me. It’s her erasing my picture of reality for the last two decades and replacing it with doubt, hurt, and misunderstanding. It’s her shattering the foundation of who I thought I was and replacing it with the worst version I can imagine.
I stare at her, stunned, grasping for the version of her that doesn’t think I’m full of shit.
But she doesn’t take it back. Instead, she crosses her arms over her chest like she’s holding herself together. “You have a pattern, Ace.”
“A pattern?”
She lifts her chin. “You date. You flirt. You play. You keep girls at arm’s length and me in your back pocket. That’s always been your thing.”
“That’s not fair,” I refute. “You’re my best friend, Julia. You’ve been my best friend my whole life. I wasn’t keeping you in my pocket. I wasn’t doing anything but wanting to be around you. And for the longest time, I thought it was because of our friendship, but I know it’s because of more than that. It’s because I have feelings for you. Deep, all-consuming fucking feelings.” I take a step towardher. “You act like I’ve never cared about you. Like you weren’t the one person who—”
“But you didn’t care likethis, Ace. Not until someone else did.”
“This has nothing to do with that guy, Julia.” I run a frustrated hand through my hair. My heart is pounding so hard I can feel the buzz in my ears. “I didn’t plan this. I didn’t wake up and decide to blow up your life.”
“Then why are you doing it?”
“Because I’m inlovewith you.”
She laughs—one bitter, breathless sound that hits harder than any slap. “You say that like it fixes everything.”
“It’s not supposed to fix anything,” I shoot back. “It’s just the truth.”
Her arms tighten across her chest as she scoffs. “You know what’s really messed up? You think this is some big, romantic gesture. You barging in here. Kissing me. Telling me you love me like it’s a movie climax. You think it’sgood.”
I blink. “It’s not a movie.”
“No,” she says coldly. “It’s real life. And in real life, you don’t wait until I finally feel like I’menoughfor someone else to decide I’m enough for you too.”
I was wrong. That’s the one.That’sthe line that will forever haunt me as the worst there’s ever been. I have to take one step back to get a grip on my equilibrium.
And once I’m in motion, my heart stumbling to find the kinetic energy to keep pumping, I don’t stop until my back bumps into the door.
She doesn’t move to make me stop either. Hell, even Yoko doesn’t get up from his perch by her feet.
“I don’t even know what to say,” I whisper, holding her sad eyes as intently as she’ll allow. “I don’t know how this got so fucking twisted. I don’t understand how you can’t see that what I feel for you is real, Julia. Sure, it might’ve taken me a while to realize that, but what I’m telling you isn’t bullshit. It’s fact.”
“Remember the homecoming dance our freshman year?” she tosses out. “Remember how you were dating Tiffany, and I ended up going with Braden? I didn’t really like Braden, but he was your friend and you were my best friend, and even though you were taking Tiffany, I decided I’d rather be with you not without you that night.”
I start to open my mouth, but she cuts me off.
“What about prom our junior year?” she asks. “You were dating Kya Parker, and I ended up going to the dance with your buddy Sam Houston. I didn’t really like Sam. I mean, he was nice, but I wasn’t into him. I decided that I wanted to make sure I was able to hang out with you that night, so yeah. I went with Sam. Oh, and let’s not forget senior homecoming and prom. You were on and off with Lydia Bukowski. Both dances, we were supposed to go together, but then you and Lydia got back together, and you took her. And who the fuck cares about who I went with, becauseyou knowwe don’t talk about him or what a shitshow that was that it probably only happened because I was so heartbroken over you and Lydia.” She laughs, but it’s not out of humor, and I’m also not finding any of it funny either. There’s nothing humorous about her losing her virginity to some loser or the fact that she thinks my actions played a part in that decision.
“The whole point is that I’ve been your backup plan, Ace. Whether you want to face that reality or not. And now that I’m dating someone—actuallydating someone—you, all of a sudden, decide that you want to be with me? That you’re in love with me? And I’m supposed to just believe it? I’m supposed to tell Drew to fuck off and be with you? Is that what you expected?”
“I didn’t expect anything, Julia.” I shake my head and stare at the floor for a long moment before I lift my gaze to hers again, the deep pain of being the root of her life’s evil shaking me exponentially. “I didn’t expect anything, and I guess that’s good because you’ve clearly decided you’re better off without me.”
She doesn’t say anything.
On the inside, a battle is raging in my body. My heart is telling me to fight for her. To do everything I can to make her realize that we belong together. To get on my fucking hands and knees and beg her to open her eyes to see how perfect we are for each other. But there’s another part of me, the one that’s not used to being rejected—the one that’s scared I’ve had this coming for a really long time—that thinks I should go.
“Good night, Julia,” I say quietly, and this time, I mean it.
