I cried and I cried, silently at least, and my chest shook as even more tears came out of my eyes and out of my soul.
I had nothing, and they had almost killed me in there. I’d thought I was going to die. I really had.
My brain hurt. My nose hurt. My throat felt like it was never going to be the same again because of what they had done. I was so fucking mad at being so damn helpless, my brain instantly hurt even more.
Deep in the back of my head, I heard a growl, and at some point, there was a poke at my side.
Then I heard a super-serious voice ask, “Why are you crying?”
I didn’t answer. I was too busy pressing my hands to my eyes harder.
“Why are you crying?” he asked again, that time in an almost gentle voice that was hard to ignore.
“I’m s-sc…. I’m…scared.” Oh shit, my voice broke. In half. In pieces. I wasblubbering.
Another poke came at my side, followed by a “Gracie” that was so deep I couldn’t ignore it. “There’s nothing for you to be afraid of.”
He was right. I knew he was fucking right, but… but….
No. No, I didn’t know that. I was full of shit.
There was another poke to my shoulder, and I wept even more. Wept for the last few weeks. For the last few months, for the last few years since my grandma had died. For the last six since my grandpa had passed away.
I was so alone—so goddamn alone—and so overwhelmed, and I wasn’t sure how the hell I was going to get through this next chapter in my life. I would. I had to, I knew that, buthow?
After what might have been a few minutes, but might have been longer than that, there was another poke so hard that I had to lift my head becauseoww.
Long fingers curled under my chin, and the next thing I knew, he was tilting my face up and Alexander was dipping his. Right there, he was right there. “No one is close by. They won’t find us.”
“Okay,” I said as I cried even harder and ithurt. It fuckinghurt.
“What are you worried about?” he asked after a long moment.
I told him the truth. “Everything.” My bottom lip was trembling. I could feel my chest shaking too if I was going to be honest. But I couldn’t summon a lie, even a half-assed one. It felt too big for that. I blubbered out, “I… don’t… have… a…home.”
He blinked. “This again?”
Again?I gasped and felt even more tears slip down my cheeks. “It’s not a little thing!” I didn’t have multiple ones sitting around, dammit. “I don’t… I don’t haveanything. No money. No ID. No home. No computer. No job. No nothing. I’m really worried I lost my voice mails.They know my name. They found me.I got waterboarded. I’m sweating it just thinking about taking a shower. What if they find us? I don’t want to die. I don’t want to diealone.Not like this. I’ve got no loved ones, no one who gives a shit, no one to—”
Alexander tilted my head just a little bit farther back, and his face got that much closer. So close I could feel the heat of his forehead just shy of mine. “Stop.” His bossy voice was back.
“No.” I shook my head and then instantly froze. “Why? Am I being too loud? Is someonecoming?”
His breath brushed against my mouth. “No one’s coming.”
My relief was out of this world, at least until he opened his mouth next.
“You’re right about some of that.” He paused. “You are fucked.”
No shit.
I just about snorted at the oversimplification before really taking in the sober expression on his face.
Then he kept talking. “Part of what happened is my fault.” Something moved across his features that might have been guilt. Maybe? “The life you knew is over, you’re right.”
I knew it was bad when he was telling me it was bad.
I whimpered. Dammit, he didn’t have to rub it in. I bent over and slapped my hands against my knees as my head swam, and I suddenly felt dizzy all over again. Nauseous. Oh boy, I was going to fucking throw up.
