I knew in my heart this wasn’t his fault.
None of this was.
I could own up to it. I could be the reasonable one between the two of us. So I was, even though it almost physically hurt me. “I’m sorry, okay.I’m sorry.I didn’t know they were coming, and….” What was I supposed to do? Tell him everything? What a fucking mess. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone anything, ever. I wasn’t supposed to even be here. I wanted to cry, and I could hear that urge in my voice as I murmured, “I told them to leave you alone.”
That earned me an ice-cold glare and another dose of grouchy, as he switched back to English too. “The only person you can blame is yourself for being here.”
Could I suffocate him? With my shirt? Would that work?
I was going to die here.
I was going to spend the rest of my short fucking life in this room with this man-being who had it out for me for reasons I couldn’t understand. I was going to starve to death. That was how my life was going to end if I was lucky and my organs weren’t removed from my body to be sold on the black market while I was still alive to keep them as fresh as possible. They’d harvest them for sure. They were good organs. I took my vitamins. I ate… maybe not great, but I ate food. I ran.
Tears sprang up in my eyes, and my heart started going even faster, and when I tried to breathe, it was hard as hell to because I was panting despite how much it made my back ache.
I was going to die in this place.
It didn’t matter that I didn’t have their money. That I had never done shit. They wouldn’t believe me.
Everything had been for nothing.
I was going to be vulture food.
Virgin fucking vulture food.
Why hadn’t I had sex when I had the chance?
“Are you crying?” the rich voice scoffed in disbelief.
Oh, my tears were there. They were fucking there. My heart was going to explode if it didn’t just crack down the middle.I wasn’t a stranger to being sad, but I didn’t think I’d ever been this sad, and that said a lot because I’d cried every day for a year straight when my grandpa had passed away.
I was so stupid. So fucking stupid.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered because I couldn’t stop myself. I had no control over anything. Why had I ever convinced myself that I did? “But I’m going to beat myself up more than you ever could. I don’t need you to be a butthole right now,” I whispered, numb. Heartbroken.
My world was ending.
All my hope was dying.
I couldn’t believe it.
It was over. It was all over, just like that. This was how my life ended.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that long body struggle to rise up onto an elbow.“What did you say?”The Defender sputtered in a voice that might have given me a nightmare if this whole situation wasn’t already one.
A few more tears streamed down my cheeks.
Defeat beat at my chest. At my soul. My spirit. My brain.
My thirtieth birthday was in less than three months.
I had so many hopes, so many dreams. None of them were big. I didn’t want to be rich or famous. Traveling would have been cool, but if I didn’t get to visit every continent, I wouldn’t have been upset.
All I’d ever wanted was to be loved, to have someone know me forme. To have more than just my grandparents, as ungrateful as that sounded. When I was young, I’d dreamed about having siblings. I’d dreamed about having my parents around to do things that they hadn’t been able to. Then later on, I had wanted a partner in life.
I’d thought I’d have more time to meet someone I trusted enough to have sex with, and I hadn’t even done that.
I could have settled for one real friend that I could tell everything to. Just one. I didn’t need a girl gang or a squad. I wanted one person to share this burden with. That wasn’t too much, was it?
